THIS IS A SPECIAL NIGHT.
I TELL YOU WHY, THIS IS A SPECIAL SHOW.
NOT JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE FOR THE SECOND NIGHT IN
A ROW, BECAUSE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TONIGHT IS A VERY VERY
SPECIAL NIGHT AND HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS
AND I THINK THERE'S A CAMERA GOING IN RIGHT NOW.
THE DIRECTOR OF OUR SHOW TIM WHO'S IN THE BOOTH THERE WHO'S
DIRECTED EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW" --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- TIM HAS DIRECTED EVERY SINGLE
EPISODE OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW," WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH, BUT HERE'S
THE THING, TIM STARTED WORKING -- I WANT TO GET THIS
RIGHT -- HE STARTED WORKING AS A PA ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW" BACK
IN 1995.
HE WORKED HIS WAY FROM PA TO THE DIRECTOR OF THE SHOW.
THIS IS HIS 5,05,000th "THE LATE LATE SHOW"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TIM, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WE
REALLY DO!
WE LOVE YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WE ARE SO HAPPY WE'RE HRE ON
THIS SPECIAL DAY FOR YOU, BUDDY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: AD FOR TOM SNYDER,
CRAIG KILBORN, THEN DIRECTOR CRAIG FERGUSON AND HE'S THE
DIRECTOR OF THIS SHOW NOW.
TIM, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR ADORING
PUBLIC?
>> OH, THIS IS QUITE A SURPRISE.
JUST TO THANK EVERYBODY THAT'S BEEN PART OF THE TEAM ON THE
JOURNEY OF 5,000 SHOWS.
I MEAN, IT'S BEEN AMAZING TO WATCH IT FROM WORK, TO START AT
THE BOTTOM AND BE WHERE I'M AT, YOU DON'T DO THAT WITHOUT A HELP
FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE.
THANKS, I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD GET EMOTIONAL.
>> James: WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
WHAT A GUY.
WHAT A GREAT GUY.
WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
WE REALLY REALLY DO.
DO YOU LOVE HIM, PETE, OR NOT SO MUCH?
>> HE'S THE BEST.
>> James: I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY NOT LIKING TIM, COULD
YOU?
>> NO POSSIBLE WAY.
>> James: NO POSSIBLE WAY.
HOW LONG IS HIS DRIVE EVERY DAY?
>> SINCE '95, HE'S BEEN DOING AN HOUR AND A HALF EACH DIRECTION,
SO THREE HOURS A DAY.
>> James: SO, I MEAN, HE'S SO RICH.
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S SO RICH, HE COULD -- WHERE
DOES HE LIVE?
>> IT WAS LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, SOUTH OF ANAHEIM.
>> James: HE COULD BUY ANAHEIM WITH HIS RESIDUALS.
>> HE LEGIT TOOK A HELICOPTER HERE ONCE WHICH IS SOMETHING
ONLY DR. PHIL AND STEVE HARVEY HAVE DONE BEFORE.
>> James: THIS IS ACTUALLY THE MARK OF THE MAN, YOU MENTIONED
THAT.
THE TIME THAT TIM MANCINELLI TOOK A COPTER, DO YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE HIS DAUGHTER WAS -- WAS SHE PROM QUEEN?
>> HOME COMING.
>> James: HIS DAUGHTER WAS HOME COMING QUEEN AT HER SCHOOL,
AND HE WANTED TO WALK HER IN TO THE EVENT -- IT'S A BIT AMERICAN
FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO.
>> OH, YEAH, YOU HATE QUEENS AND KINGS OVER THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( RIM SHOT )
>> James: NO, BUT TIM REALIZED THAT IF HE WANTED TO DO THE SHOW
BECAUSE HE NEVER WANTS TO MISS A SHOW AND, SO, HE GOT A
HELICOPTER TO WAIT HERE.
HE FINISHED THE SHOW, RAN UP, GOT IN THE HELICOPTER, TUX ON,
LANDED AND WALKED HIS DAUGHTER IN BECAUSE HE COULDN'T BEAR TO
MISS IT.
THAT IS A MARK OF A MAN.
WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
HAPPY 5,000 SHOWS, TIM, WE LOVE YA!
WE DO!
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT, WE CAN'T JUST SIT AROUND CELEBRATING, YOU KNOW,
DIRECTORS SHOWS AND THINGS LIKE THAT, WE HAVE A DUTY TO UPHOLD.
WE DO.
WE HAVE A DUTY TO GIVE THE AMERICAN PUBLIC, MAY I SAY
PLANET EARTH, ACTUALLY -- PLANET EARTH -- IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND WE HAVE A NEW DONALD TRUMP
TELL-ALL BOOK MAKING HEADLINES.
THIS ONE IS FROM TRUMP'S FORMER WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY,
STEPHANIE GRISHAM.
AND ONE PART DEFINITELY RAISED A FEW EYEBROWS.
ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORK TIMES," MR. TRUMP'S HANDLERS
DESIGNATED AN UNNAMED WHITE HOUSE OFFICIAL KNOWN AS THE
'MUSIC MAN' WHO, TO PULL HIM FROM THE BRINK OF RAGE, WOULD
PLAY HIM HIS FAVORITE SHOW TUNES, INCLUDING "MEMORY" FROM
"CATS."
( LAUGHTER ) TRUE STORY.
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, BUT -- CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING THAT MAN?
OH, YOU WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU DO?
I MONITOR PRESIDENT TRUMP'S MOOD AND JUST WHEN I THINK HE'S
GETTING INTO A REAL MOOD, I JUST, BANG!
♪ MIDNIGHT -- ♪ ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE, SOME
DAY, WHEN RYAN MURPHY EVENTUALLY MAKES AN AMERICAN CRIME STORY
ABOUT THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE, I AM DEFINITELY PLAYING THE MUSIC
MAN.
( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP NEEDED TO HEAR SHOWTUNES
TO CALM HIM DOWN.
OR ELSE HE'D MAKE EVERYONE AROUND HIM LES MISERABLES.
NO, NO -- LOOK AT SUSAN!
>> WAIT!
>> James: I DON'T KNOW SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS WITH THIS.
I THOUGHT EVERYBODY HAD A MUSIC MAN.
THAT'S WHY DAVE PIENDAK WORKS HERE.
DAVE PIENDAK IS MY MUSIC MAN.
DAVE PIENDAK, SING "I DREAMED A DREAM."
GO!
♪ I DREAMED A DREAM IN TIMES GONE BY
♪ WHEN HOPE WAS HIGH AND LIFE WORTH LIVING
( LAUGHTER ) >> JAMES: IN OTHER NEWS, THE
TREASURY SECRETARY ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT, UNLESS CONGRESS
RAISES THE DEBT CEILING, THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT WILL
LIKELY RUN OUT OF CASH BY OCTOBER EIGHTEENTH.
THE COUNTRY COULD DEFAULT ON ITS DEBTS.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, BIDEN IS GOING TO HAVE TO START
AN ONLYFANS.
( LAUGHTER ) I KIND OF FEEL BAD FOR THIS
AUDIENCE.
THEY FINALLY GET OUT TO A LIVE SHOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER
A YEAR, AND IT'S JUST A BRITISH GUY PRETENDING HE KNOWS WHAT THE
DEBT CEILING IS.
( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON
MICHELLE AND BARACK OBAMA WERE AT THE GROUNDBREAKING CEREMONY
FOR THE OBAMA PRESIDENTIAL CENTER TODAY.
THE $500 MILLION PROJECT IN CHICAGO WILL NOT ONLY HOUSE A
MUSEUM, PUBLIC LIBRARY AND PLAZA, BUT ALSO A PLAYGROUND AND
BIKE PATHS.
SO FAR IT'S NOT GOING WELL.
REPUBLICANS ARE ALREADY DEMANDING TO SEE A LONGFORM
BUILDING PERMIT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> SMART JOKE.
SMART JOKE.
>> James: LET ME GUESS -- I WROTE IT, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST ONCE I'D LIKE TO HEAR A
PRESIDENT SAY YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE READ ENOUGH BOOKS.
LET'S BUILD A PRESIDENTIAL WATERPARK.
( LAUGHTER ) WOULDN'T IT BE BREAK IF A
PRESIDENT WOULD JUST BUILD A PRESIDENTIAL WATER PARK, A
COUPLE OF PLUMES, LAZY RIVER.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WENT TO A WATER PARK?
>> IT'S BEEN A LONG LONG TIME.
>> James: YEAH.
BUT YOU AND I AND OUR FRIEND LOUIE IN ABOUT THREE WEEKS,
MAGIC MOUNTAIN, YOU AGREED TO IT, IT'S HAPPENING.
>> James: YOU TWO ARE SO PUMPED ON THIS, I CAN'T DEAL
WITH IT, ACTUALLY.
>> IT'S WEIRD YOU'RE NOT.
>> James: I AM, BUT IT'S A WAY OFF.
IT'S A WAY AWAY.
>> SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR, COUNT DOWN THE DAYS.
>> I HAVE "SOMETHING" TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
PUMPED FOR IT.
>> YES.
>> James: BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT TO SEE IAN SCARED ON A
ROLLERCOASTER.
>> YES.
>> James: THAT'S IT.
I THINK IT'S GOING TO BEEN AN ABSOLUTE BLAST.
>> YEAH.
>> James: WILL YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS.
>> I'M NOT.
>> James: NO, YOU'RE NOT -- AND YOU SHOULDN'T.
( LAUGHTER ) >> BUT I MIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: PLEASE DON'T.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I'M GONNA!
( LAUGHTER ) I GOT TO PUSH BACK ON THAT ONE.
>> NO!
PLEASE DON'T!
>> NO, I WON'T.
>> James: PLEASE DON'T!
MY NAME IS LOUIE, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC --
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: YEAH, I'M EXCITED
FOR THIS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: REG, DO YOU LIKE ROLLERCOASTERS?
>> Reggie: NOT A ( BLEEP ) BIT.
>> Reggie: I'M JUST AFRAID.
>> James: ARE YOU AFRAID?
>> Reggie: VERY MUCH.
>> James: I THINK YOU WOULD BE A HOOT ON A ROLLER COSTER.
>> Reggie: I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
>> James: DO YOU WANT TO COME?
>> Reggie: I TRIED A KIDDIE ONE ONCE AND IT WAS SWEET.
>> James: A KIDDIE ONE ONCE.
>> Reggie: LIKE A SIMPLE NICE ONE.
I CAN DO THE TEACUPS, THOSE ARE GREAT.
>> James: YEAH, I WENT TO A STATE FAIR THE OTHER WEEK.
YOU KNOW THE RIDE THAT SORT OF LIFTS UP AND YOU'RE ON A SWING
AND GO AROUND AND AROUND LIKE THAT, I WENT ON WITH MY DAUGHTER
WHO'S SIX AND SON WHO IS TEN.
I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME.
MY DAUGHTER NEVER HAD BEEN ON IT.
SHE WAS SAYING, YEAH, IT WAS AMAZING!
I SAID WASN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?
SHE SAID, I LOVED IT!
AND THE GUY WHO LET US IN THE THING SAID, YOU KNOW, THAT USED
TO BE AT NEVERLAND.
>> THE RANCH?
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WAS, LIKE, CHEERS, MATE.
I WAS HAVING A REALLY GREAT MOMENT WITH MY 6-YEAR-OLD AND
10-YEAR-OLD SON.
YEAH.
BUT AS I SAID -- AS I SAID, OBAMA'S PRESIDENTIAL BUILDING,
THIS IS WHAT THE CENTER WILL LOOK LIKE WHEN IT'S COMPLETED IN
FOUR YEARS' TIME.
LOOK AT THAT.
I LIKE THAT AFTER VETTING THOUSANDS OF DESIGNS, THEY
DECIDED TO SPRUCE UP CHICAGO'S JACKSON PARK THE SAME WAY I DID
MY OLD BACHELOR FLAT, WITH A HIMALAYAN SALT LAMP.
( LAUGHTER ) >> CAN I JUST SAY IT'S
REFRESHING TO SEE A BUILDING THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A
( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER ) >> THAT COULD BE A ( BLEEP ).
>> James: YOU CAN SAY THAT.
ISN'T IT REFRESHING?
>> IT'S REFRESHING BECAUSE ( BLEEP ) BUILD THINGS AND IT'
LIKE OH, ANOTHER ( BLEEP ).
>> SHE'S RIGHT.
>> James: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT BECAUSE MY ( BLEEP ) LOOKS
EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE SIDNEY OPERA HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) I WAS INVOLVED IN A TRAGIC
FISHING ACCIDENT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, A BICYCLIST IN
AUSTRALIA USED THE GPS ON HIS CYCLING APP TO RECREATE
NIRVANA'S ICONIC ALBUM COVER FOR NEVERMIND.
IT TOOK HIM MORE THAN EIGHT HOURS TO RIDE THE WHOLE
NINETY-THREE MILE DISTANCE.
HERE IT IS HERE: YEAH, WELL DONE.
( LAUGHTER ) DID HE REALLY DO THIS OR DOES HE
JUST HAVE ACCESS TO PHOTOSHOP?
IMAGINE BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT RIDE, RUNNING INTO A
FRIEND, AND HAVING TO BE LIKE, WELL, I BETTER GET BACK TO
DRAWING THIS BABY ( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER ) IT ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME.
SO I HOPPED ON MY BIKE TO RECREATE AN ALBUM COVER OF MY
OWN IT'S THE BEATLES WHITE ALBUM.
REALLY NAILED IT.
AND THAT'S "THE NEWS."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )