- Hi, everybody.
(Alayna coughing)
We are back, baby, with another gay secrets video.
For any of you who don't know me, hi, my name's Alayna Joy.
I make videos
mostly about the queer community here on this channel,
sex, dating, relationships,
but sometimes I react to your gayest secrets.
And they're juicy, okay?
Some of y'all are nasty. (laughing)
I can't keep in half the things that you write to me
for fear of being penalized by daddy YouTube.
We're gonna dive right into
the secrets I've chosen for you today.
But first, I wanna take a second
to thank the sponsor of this week's content, Bellesa.
You've seen me work with Bellesa a ton before.
And the reason that I love working with them
is that they give you free stuff.
Like, really, just free stuff.
We've teamed up to do a giveaway for all of you
where every single person that signs up
gets either a gift card or a free toy.
All you have to do is click the link in my description,
put in your email address, sign up,
and you will receive an email
with either your gift card, or your free toy!
No strings attached, no tricks.
All you have to do is sign up, and check your emails.
I have just a few of their toys here to show you.
They have the Pebble,
which is one of those toys that uses suction.
This little guy can actually use suction or vibration,
and the suction setting
and the vibration setting can be controlled independently.
Dealer's choice.
They also have the AirVibe.
So this guy has both internal and external stimulation.
This part goes inside, this part rests outside.
It's bendable, so it can fit different body shapes.
You can wear it, you can hold it.
Possibilities are endless.
And then their newest toy is called the Thrust.
Again, you have an insertable portion,
you have an external portion that vibrates,
and then this guy thrusts.
There's also this ring of beads at the base here
that swirls.
You've got a whole range of sensations
that you can play with with this guy.
What I like about this toy specifically
is how flexible this piece is,
'cause sometimes I find that these are quite hard,
and it's too much.
It's too much.
This is really like, really flexible.
And these are just the tip (snapping) of the iceberg
when it comes to the toys that Bellesa offers on their site.
And again, you could receive one for free
if you click the link in my description,
put in your email address, sign up for the giveaway,
and you'll either get that or a gift card.
Thank you very much Bellesa
for partnering with me on this video,
and you're welcome for the free stuff.
Okay, let's get to the secrets.
There's a Google Form that's linked in the description.
If you wanna send in any of your queer secrets,
it's completely anonymous, of course,
but I will be reading them,
you know, to the entire internet, so keep that in mind.
Tell me your gayest secret.
♪ I kissed a girl and I liked it ♪
(Alayna laughing)
Off to a solid start.
Oh, this is a twist
on the classic in love with my best friend.
"I'm in love with one of my best friends.
The only problem is one, she's my former professor,
and two, she's way too old for me right now.
We've grown so close since I left university,
and hanging out regularly, and talking all the time.
Our natural chemistry and inside jokes are truly unmatched.
We understand each other
on a level that I've never experienced before,
and she's expressed a lot of these things, too.
She cares for me in a way that nobody else does,
she laughs at everything I say,
and tells her friends about me.
However,
we've both said we couldn't date someone with our age gap,
and that I'm just a friend to her.
I love her so much it hurts,
but I can never tell her that it's more than platonic.
Our friendship is just so beautiful
I couldn't stand to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure she loves me
like an overprotective queer mom friend,
and I'm so lucky to have her,
but I'm also so helplessly gay.
I wish we could have met in a different way
and at a different time, yet here we are."
Ooh, that one's giving me goosebumps.
It's obvious
that the connection between the two of you is real,
and beautiful, and special,
and (grunting) it pains me to imagine the yearning.
It pains me!
I mean, it sounds like your friendship is strong enough
that you could possibly have a conversation with her
about the way that you're feeling.
Especially if you've talked about the age gap before,
and you've talked about your friendship before.
Like, maybe saying kind of what you just said to me to her
is not completely off the table?
Just like, "Hey, former prof.
Hey, lady friend who's my best friend, BFF.
I get it, you're like, so much older than me.
but like, you're a total MILF, man."
(Alayna chuckling)
What?
There were four different characters
that I just transitioned through there.
Don't take that advice.
Don't call her a MILF.
Don't do that.
Don't do any part of what I just did.
Forget any of this ever happened.
(Alayna laughing)
What?
"I may or may not have inhaled my friend's
at 4:00 AM when our other friend was in the room,
and we thought she was sleeping,
but she told us she wasn't sleeping a few days later,
but she doesn't know we went that far
because she's very innocent,
but we all swore never to have a sleepover
with all three of us again.
Just pairs.
But we can hang out all of us together in the daytime,
because me and the other friend aren't going to
you know when she's awake in the house,
especially if there's parents there, which there usually is.
Anyway, there you have it.
That was longer than expected."
Sorry, so you inhaled when your friend was in the same room,
and she knew that enough was happening
to ban all future sleepovers?
How did this conversation even come up?
After the sleepover,
the two of you thought she was sleeping.
Did she bring it up?
Like was she like,
"Hey, I was just hearing some heavy inhaling happening.
What was that sound?
What were you...
You guys were up telling secrets?"
And you guys were like, "Oh.
We're not gonna tell you what we were doing exactly,
but it was bad enough
that we can't hang out anymore in the dark."
"She told us she wasn't sleeping a few days later."
She was thinking about this for days.
What noises were you making? (laughing)
Actually, don't answer that, I can imagine.
"I'm a lesbian and I watching 'RuPaul's Drag Race.'"
This had never occurred to me.
Why not?
They're hot as hell.
"To set up the backstory,
I transferred to a new school in seventh grade,
and fell into a very gay friend group."
God, the dream.
That happens for people now.
Did you know this? (laughing)
Did you know this, viewer watching?
There's gay friend groups in seventh grade now.
Oh, God, I am jealous of all of you.
I am jealous of Gen Z.
Well, actually, (laughing) now that I think about it,
my friend group was pretty gay, too, we just didn't know it.
"There, I learned about a bunch of gender
and sexuality labels.
My mind was blown.
Despite rewatching Disney movies just to see the princesses,
blushing and averting my eyes
each time I passed a Victoria's Secret in the mall,
and so many other giveaways,
I thought to myself, 'I feel uncomfortable
with the idea of being with a man,
so the only logical explanation is me being asexual.'
That was not the case."
Ugh, isn't it wild?
The mental gymnastics we will go through to not be gay.
"Years later,
I'm cleaning out some of my stuff in the basement,
when I come across an old pencil case.
I open it to see a perfectly preserved note
that I had received from a girl in my middle school
saying 'You're really pretty, name of girl.'
My response at the time?
'Thank you.'"
(Alayna laughing)
That's so classic hopeless queer.
"You're like really pretty."
"Thanks." (laughing)
"She was so pretty and popular,
and I figured that she was just being nice.
Cries in oblivious gay."
You hit a lot of key points, oblivious gay.
Oh, speaking of mental gymnastics.
"When I was a teen and did not realize I was gay,
I had a best friend of over five years.
How cliche am I?
We were really close, and I did everything for her,
including travel for over an hour on a moment's notice.
I know, how did I not know I was gay?
(Alayna chuckling)
She had a boyfriend,
but we were extremely close, like, close, close.
After they dated for like two years, they broke up.
My mom had me break off the friendship a little after that
because she thought
my best friend was a really toxic friend.
A year after that, I started dating my ex-best friend's ex
four three years.
After a lot of therapy, I discovered that I just dated him
because she had been attracted to him in the past.
I know, the gymnastics my mind had to do
to convince myself to date a guy
just because she had been attracted to him are just insane."
(sighing) Maybe to somebody who's not queer,
or who's never been queer and repressed,
this might seem insane.
It doesn't feel that insane to me, (laughing)
because this was your way of staying close to her.
You know, like one degree of separation.
One degree of separation from being a lesbian.
I'm curious about your mom
making you break off the friendship,
"Because she thought my best friend
was a really toxic friend."
Is that like, she saw you like, dropping everything
and driving over an hour
every time she called kind of thing?
And she's like,
"This doesn't seem like a healthy friendship.
This doesn't seem platonic. (chuckling)
This seemed like my daughter might be a lesbian." (laughing)
Oh.
(laughing) What?
"My ex-best friend, she's complete trash, got me tipsy
and gave me.
Then, invited our mutual friend over for a threesome.
I chickened out.
A couple years later,
I'm now engaged to that mutual friend."
I'm glad it worked out for you?
I'm glad that this is an ex-best friend,
'cause it doesn't sound...
It doesn't sound great.
You know what it sounds like?
Sounds like she's complete trash.
But I wanna know like, the genders of all these people,
'cause we've got the ex-best friend,
"She is complete trash."
But what about you?
What about your mutual friend?
I'm picturing all ladies, but that's just me.
Oh no.
"Okay, so first I just wanna start
by saying this happened when I was like nine or 10,
and had no clue that you couldn't do that with your cousin."
We're off to a great start.
"But anyway, me and my girl cousin
would always play at my grandma's house,
her great grandma, and because we were both girls,
we would take baths together.
Well, we also loved to make out,
and pretend that I was Spider-Man, and she was MJ,
and kiss upside down.
Anyway, fast forward to now,
I'm a raging masc lesbian slash kind of like men to look at,
and she has a boyfriend.
We don't talk about it, and pretend it never happened.
It's safe to say that dinners are weird with us
and her boyfriend."
They also had a part in here
about like, other stuff they would do,
but it's like, kids, so I'm not gonna include that,
but you can use your imagination.
Don't use your imagination.
I'm gonna stop talking about kids, and sentence. (chuckling)
"I was working the self-checkout
of the grocery store I work at,
and one shift I twisted my ankle because my gay ass
saw an incredibly hot girl at the self checkout,
and I could not stop my knees going out from under me."
Imagine being so gay that you cause yourself bodily harm.
Imagine twisting your ankle because you saw hot girl.
Are you really gay
if you've never broken a bone to look respectfully?
I'm not sure if I've read this one before
'cause it's from early in the thing,
but it's good, and I feel shocked,
so I'm gonna read it again.
10,000 secrets and I'm like, doing repeats.
"Okay, this is a weird one, but with a happy end.
When I was 17, almost 18,
I got really close with my geography teacher.
She was actually the first person I came out to,
and we started to become really good friends
and hung out in our free time.
Needless to say, I had a major crush on her,
and a lot of my friends envied me
because she was the cool teacher at our school.
One night at a sleepover at someone else's place,
we kissed, but we never talked about it afterward,
and pretended it never happened.
At the time, I really enjoyed it, and our friendship,
but looking back, it's kind of weird
since she was about 15 years older than me haha.
Well now, 10 years later, she's married to a guy
and has two really cute kids,
and I recently married my first girlfriend
who also happens to be a geography teacher."
Someone's got a type.
"My teacher and I still talk sometimes and keep in touch.
I don't have a crush on her anymore,
and couldn't be happier with my wife."
So many questions.
Does your wife know about the creepy geography teacher
that kissed you when you were underage?
How did you and the geography teacher
end up together at a sleepover at somebody else's house?
So you were at a mutual sleepover at neither of your houses.
Why was the geography teacher
at sleepovers with the students?
Why were you running in the same circles?
Dear God, why would she kiss you?
I'm glad that you had a friendship.
I'm glad that you had somebody that you could come out to,
and that was supportive, a person that you could talk to.
I am the absolute opposite of glad
that that person then took advantage of that relationship,
and crossed that line.
Like you're saying, "It's kind of weird
'cause she was like 15 years older than me."
I think that was a complete abuse of power.
Taking advantage of somebody who is in a vulnerable space,
someone who trusts you and looks up to you, and, ew.
No.
I am happy
that you were able to find a geography teacher of your own,
and that that's a happy ending.
God, like, teachers, don't kiss your students.
Just don't.
As I say in every one of these videos,
I shouldn't have to say that.
"My gayest secret is being gay?
I only came to terms with my attraction for women
about five months ago, but the more I embrace it,
the more I think I might actually be a lesbian.
The kicker is I'm married to a man.
We've been together for 10 years.
We have a child.
I have no experience with anyone except my husband,
and I'm so scared.
I'm honestly agonizing over the whole situation."
(sighing) My heart absolutely goes out to you.
It's not the case for everybody,
but I think that when you know, you know.
And it's so hard to explain that,
and it's so hard to tell that
to somebody who's never experienced it,
or to believe yourself when you've never had experiences
outside of your husband.
But sometimes you just know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you're going through this.
This is an old secret,
so I hope that things are different for you now.
I hope that things are better.
I hope that things are okay.
One way or another, I hope that things are okay.
On that same train, "I just had a baby with my male fiance,
and I'm questioning whether or not I'm a lesbian.
Just needed to get that off my chest LOL."
Oh, and it's heavy.
That is a heavy weight to have on your chest.
Again, I hope that things are okay for you now,
one way or another.
"My mom found all my sex toys,
and gave me a little bag so I can keep them safe.
She's very cool and all.
She's bisexual, so very cool mom.
But if the earth was flat, I'd jump off the edge."
That's the correct response to finding your child's toys.
"Here, have a little bag to keep them safe."
Did you have any Bellesa ones in there?
Do you want one?
Check out the link in my description.
(Alayna chuckling)
Oh no.
"When I first started dating this girl a few years ago,
we were both baby gays at the time.
I used to stay at her apartment a lot,
and one day we had a friend over
because she wasn't from Sao Paulo, Brazil,
and needed a place to stay.
The apartment is 15 square meters,
so there's only one room with a kitchen and a bathroom,
and everything in the same place.
She was sleeping with headphones on
on a mattress on the floor right next to us,
and me and my new girlfriend as new and horny baby gays,
we simply had sex right next to her.
It was all very quiet and simple."
(Alayna laughing)
"It was all very quiet and simple.
Nothing much." (laughing)
"But I still don't know
how I had the courage to do such an (beeping) thing.
I could never do the same thing now.
So the next day we went to the mall
to eat something with some other friends,
and she said 'Never sleep at blank's house
because she will have sex with her girlfriend next to you.'"
Oh my God, she knew.
Too bad you only did simple, nothing much stuff.
(chuckling) Missed opportunity.
"I literally almost (beeping) jumped in front of a car
or a bus or a train or all of them at the same time.
So that's how I traumatized my friend,
and how she traumatized me in return.
I mean, I deserved it for being an (beeping),
but as baby gays,
we really don't think things through that much, huh?"
Oh, just don't have sex when there's people in the room
who are like, not consenting to it!
Just don't.
My God.
You are all off the rails, and I love it.
I love it, and I need it, and I live for it. (chuckling)
That's enough secrets for today.
One more big thank you to Bellesa
for partnering with me on this video.
Check out that link in my description, sign up,
you can get a free toy
or a gift card sent right to your inbox.
If you have a queer secret
that you wanna share with me anonymously
so I can share it with the world,
there's a link to the submission form in the description.
A final thank you to my VIP patrons,
my vitally important producers.
You all make my world go round.
Follow me on Instagram if you don't already,
because that's where the magic happens.
Thank you so much for watching, I love you very much,
and I will see you in the next one.
Bye! (Alayna blowing kiss)
"I'm in love with Ashley Gavin.
Even though I live in a whole different country
on the other side of the planet, I'm in love with her.
She's so funny, and kind, and beautiful,
and she's just the best.
I'll tell you more.
She kicked out my ex,
that I couldn't move over for years from my head."
Oh, "From my head." (laughing)
I was like, "Wait, wait, wait.
You know Ashley in person?
She kicked your ex out for you?"
That's...
I was...
Plot twist.
"She kicked my ex out of my head
that I couldn't move over for years.
I wanna make her laugh, I wanna kiss her.
I just wanna be with her, and I don't know what to do.
That's my gay secret."
The advice I will give to you is to listen to our podcast,
"Chosen Family" podcast.
It's me, Ashley Gavin, Mak Ingemi, and it's a lot of fun.
Are you listening to my podcast?
Did you know that I have a podcast?
It's linked in the description
if you haven't checked it out already.
I recommend that you do.
It's a comedy podcast, it's a gay podcast,
but it's also like, sweet, and endearing,
and we try to have genuine conversations,
alongside all of the little bottom (beeping) talk.