- Life hasn't been easy the past few weeks, or months,
but I feel like I'm reconnecting with myself.
(mystical music)
Today is mega planning day.
Not planning, I don't even know.
Today is, well, let me have some of my coffee.
I actually haven't had any coffee yet.
So my main goal at the moment is to sort out this office,
it has become a dumping ground, a storage space.
It is not what its intentional purpose was,
which is to be a filming space,
a shooting space, a working space.
And it will take quite a few steps to get it to that point.
So one of those is to sell all the stuff on Depop
that I meant to sell a few months ago
and never got around to.
So I'm making that a priority for the new year.
So after I've done a bit of work,
I'm gonna go and shoot those,
and then I'm gonna do other clothing related admin.
'Cause I'm also making a wardrobe video this week.
I worked yesterday afternoon,
so I didn't get to do my normal like Sunday reset.
I know it's a cliche,
but weirdly I started doing the Sunday reset
kind of hot girl that girl routine
at the same time they became popular.
And I love it, it's the best time,
the best day of my week.
I just have a nice morning and then clear up.
I really like it.
I think also 'cause it was my only
non-drinking day of the week, really, it was kind of sacred.
Whereas now every day is a non-drinking day.
Cheers to that.
This outfit makes me feel a little bit twee.
It doesn't feel very me,
but I wanna get more wear out of this vest.
I really love it.
Yeah, I'm gonna get on and do that.
So this is how my day's going.
Picked up a coffee.
Didn't go for the flat white,
went for Americano for some reason.
Something I can make at home.
I've just added my own milk, put it in my own mug.
If you're eagle eared, you might notice that behind you,
the washing machine is going, and that my shirt has changed.
I spilled soy sauce all over myself.
You've gotta laugh.
It's such a Monday in every sense, overcast,
throwing stuff all over me, just things not going right.
But it's okay, it's okay.
It's part of life.
(chill music)
Okay, we are done here.
It's been about an hour and a half.
I've taken all the photos.
It feels very weird.
I feel kind of sad about it.
I think just because I see myself as someone
that can really give clothes a long life,
and yet for half of these items,
it feels like I hardly wore them.
And I beat myself up about it.
But the thing is, when I look at my jackets,
my coats, and my bags, I use them all really regularly.
And I have them for years and years.
So I don't actually think it's my purchasing habits
that are the problem.
I think a lot of the time it's my body changing,
and size and fit changing.
And that's kind of sad.
Like most of these clothes are from two years ago
when I was just a different size.
But you have to make peace with it.
You gotta make peace with it.
There's no point in holding onto stuff
that doesn't fit you anymore.
Good evening, I finished work at 8:30,
and I thought, I am not gonna cook at this time.
And we don't really have anything in stock.
And we have nothing in the freezer.
Like when does that ever happen?
So I ordered a little veg Thai green curry.
And I'm gonna sit down and watch a film
called "Save the Cinema," which leads me nicely
onto talking about Sky.
This year, I'm working with Sky
as part of their Sky Cinema Club.
I'm buzzing.
I've had a Sky subscriptions since we moved to this flat
and it's been great.
I've had access to so many more shows,
and films, and channels.
It's just upgraded my viewing experience.
And for just 11 pounds additionally a month,
you can get Sky Cinema,
which gives you access to one brand new
Sky original film a week, alongside many, many blockbusters,
They're keeping it updated, they're keeping it fresh.
So if you're like me and you just love to sit down
with a takeaway and a good film,
that is more than enough for you,
you can fill your boots.
So tonight I'm watching "Save the Cinema,"
which is based on a true story that happened in 1993.
Which is about a lady who was a hairdresser,
who was trying to save the Lyric Theatre in Wales.
I think it's gonna be just the right amount of cozy,
January warmth, feel-good,
which is just what I want on a Monday.
But if you maybe weren't fancying something as heartwarming,
this month, and I'm reading off my phone
to make sure I get it right, a film called "Mass" comes out,
which is kind of considered like an Oscar contender.
A very serious, like introspective,
interesting, slow-paced film.
And then also "Suicide Squad" and "The Croods 2."
So you'd have access to all those films in January.
So there really is something for everyone.
Anyway, I'll leave a link below
where you can learn more about Sky Cinema.
I am buzzing to be partnering with them this year.
I, it's just so nice when a brand that you love
and you use reaches out to you. (laughs)
It is just really lovely.
So yeah, I'm really excited.
And hopefully it'll introduce you
to more films, as well as me.
All right, I'm gonna watch that then.
(chill music)
(grinder crunching)
(gentle music)
(coffee machine buzzing)
I'm with Josh.
Josh got the Thai fish and chips.
I got the normal, with a cup of tea.
So I went through those videos from when,
I'm actually just sitting down on the sofa.
I just spent the evening going through my old videos
and finding little clips, so that I could put together
this little video of 12 years on YouTube.
'Cause it is my 12 year YouTube anniversary today,
made my channel 12 years ago.
I can't imagine my life without YouTube.
And just documenting my life,
and keeping a kind of online journal
has been just the biggest blessing.
Like I've gained so much, even long before
it was even a possibility that I would have an audience,
or that this might be my career.
Looking through all the footage,
obviously on some level I feel kind of emotional,
but I actually feel like very removed,
kind of like an onlooker.
Like I don't actually feel that connected to a lot of it.
And I think it's because in the past two years,
post-pandemic, or during pandemic,
I feel like I have changed so much.
I was actually having this chat
with a few of my friends the other day.
We were saying, when you look at 2019 you,
do you even recognize that person?
And honestly, no.
It feels really odd to be this far
from past versions of myself.
I don't know if you've ever experienced that.
I don't know, I feel quite distant from that girl.
Especially the 16 year old me, the 14 year old me.
She feels a world away from where I am now.
Like when I sit and feel,
I can feel that there is a lot of strong continuity
between that person and who I am now.
But when I visually just like look at them,
it doesn't feel that, I don't know.
I think part of it's just the editing process,
when you're focused, and you're kind of doing a task,
sometimes it kind of removes you.
I think maybe one of the weirdest bits
was finding the videos where,
especially 160 hours episodes,
where I'm not friends with a single person
in those episodes anymore.
Ex-boyfriends, ex-friends.
I don't know those people anymore.
And it's quite weird.
Like, it's just an idea.
That person is like, doesn't exist anymore.
She was just an idea.
But I don't know what the word is for this kind of emotion.
It's kind of poignant, I guess.
Yeah, I don't know if there's a word for it,
it just feels very strange.
It felt good to do.
Like, I'm glad I've done it.
Maybe even weirder than the periods I don't relate to,
and the versions of me I don't relate to,
are the versions of me I do relate to.
And they are very clearly in 2017 and 2018.
I feel way more of a connection with the 2017 me.
Like I watched back that Paris video
and I really get that person.
Like, I feel like that is me.
In that first half of that year,
I really feel like that was, I was connected to myself.
I was on my path, I was on my journey.
And maybe this is partially because I was exploring sobriety
and like, I'm doing it again.
Maybe that's connected.
I don't know.
I've just always felt very connected to 2017 me.
Anyway, I don't know if this is just self-indulgent.
When I edit, I don't know if you get this as well
when you focus really hard, but my jaw clenches.
And if I edit into the evening, which I do often do,
I have to just give it a bit of time
and decompress to unclench my jaw before I go to sleep.
So yeah, I will just like watch some TV or something,
anything to loosen the jaw, and maybe, ooh,
I bought gluten-free madeleines.
Maybe I'll have a madeleine.
Anyway yeah, lots of nostalgia,
lots of weird feelings, lots of complex feelings.
But overall just endlessly grateful
that this has been my journey so far.
(gentle music)
Hey Eevie.
You're so cute.
(dynamic music)
- So we don't actually have this right now.
But we will be getting it back in.
But I just want you to try it so you can compare.
- Oh yeah, it's really nice.
- This is Chardonnay.
- That's really nice as well, oh God, I don't know.
- I know, they're both really good, aren't they?
So this one.
- [Woman] So do you know much about what I'm gonna do?
I might need to explain it a little bit.
Essentially, in layman's terms,
I'm gonna take a picture of your light.
So everyone has an aura.
And auras are, they're kind of like,
they're like marbles a little bit,
where they change all the time.
Like certain situations in your life.
So for example, people that go through breakups,
they're moving countries, it's like different energy points
kind of light up in response to that.
You ready?
Be peaceful.
Three, two, one.
So your aura's bright.
So to me it's about energy, your bright and glowing.
So you're glowing a really nice red today.
Where I mentioned that for a person,
you cycle through orange as well, and a little yellow.
And then you also went through a bit of purple as well.
So like I said, you have a very interesting aura.
As soon as you walked in it was like.
So orange is your sacral chakra.
And it's associated with creativity, the divine feminine.
It's a very like childlike energy in a way,
it's quite joyful.
And it feels like, it's red glowing too,
which is quite intense energy.
It's almost like you have little flashes of,
it's gonna be okay.
Like I have options, things are gonna work out.
It's almost like you, whatever this red situation is
that's going on, your orange is like,
almost like a relief from it.
Orange is the color that tells us to create
just for the sake of creating.
Just because, kind of like remembering
why you wanted to do this in the first place.
- Ah, yeah.
I've had the loveliest day.
It is Sunday.
Sunday is my favorite day.
Sunday is reset Sunday, it's rest Sunday.
It's, don't wear makeup and go and buy flowers Sunday.
I made French toast, I walked down to Columbia Road Market,
picked up some flowers,
picked up a new plant for my office.
Came back, cleaned the kitchen.
Now I've just gotta clean the bathroom,
and then my house will be clean.
I don't enjoy cleaning, but I love a clean house.
Yeah, I'm feeling very grateful, very good.
Life hasn't been easy the past few weeks, or months,
but I feel like I'm reconnecting with myself.
In fact, I bumped into two of my creative friends today.
I bumped into Moyer, who's an amazing YouTuber.
And I bumped into Hannah,
who's an amazing Instagrammer and TikToker.
It was just so nice to see familiar faces.
But yeah, thanks for watching.
I will see you soon.
(gentle music) (birds chirping)