-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, it is Friday, and it's pretty much
felt like that since noon on Wednesday.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, today, my Apple Watch was like,
"Your heart rate hasn't hit 200 lately.
Are you okay?"
What a difference a few days can make, though.
Check out what the breaking news was on CNN this morning.
♪♪
-[ Laughs ]
-Yeah, well, today
was President Biden's second full day in office,
and he spent it trying to fix the economy.
This afternoon, he signed two executive orders
meant to provide fast economic relief.
Yep, Biden's taking on America's biggest problems.
Yesterday, it was the pandemic. Today, it was the economy.
Tomorrow, it's people who don't know
the Bernie Sanders meme is over.
"Put them in my back --" Yeah, you missed it, man.
Some more news out of Washington this morning.
Chuck Schumer spoke on the Senate floor
about the impeachment against Donald Trump,
but he had a bit of a flub.
Listen to this.
-Senators will have to decide
if they believe Donald John -- Donald John Trump incited
the erection -- insurrection against the United States.
♪♪
-Well, someone's excited to be Senate majority leader.
I wasn't sure how the Democrats planned to unify the country,
but if it's with bloopers like this, count me in.
I'm in.
Meanwhile, down in Florida, Disney World
is making some updates since there's now a new president.
Check it out.
-The Hall of Presidents in Disney World
is closed so technicians can add
an animatronic version of President Joe Biden.
-And to keep it authentic,
the Biden robot will commute every day on the monorail
from Delaware.
Let me just say, you can add any president you want,
but the only robot the kids are there to see
is William Howard Taft.
Yep, a President Biden robot,
which means everyone in the hall will be listening like...
-Corn Pop was a bad dude.
And he ran a bunch of bad boys.
And I did -- And back in those days,
to show how things have changed,
one of the things you had to use,
if you use pomade in your hair, you had to wear a bathing cap.
-Okay, I'm going to go grab Mickey ears or something.
You kids know where we're staying, right?
You remember where we're staying?
Good. Alright, I'm gonna leave.
You can make your way back, right?
Okay.
"Corn Pop knew some bad dudes."
[ Laughs ]
-Dungarees.
-He knew people like Count Chocula
and stuff like that.
Some entertainment news was just announced,
that the release date for the new James Bond movie,
"No Time to Die," has been pushed back for a third time.
At this point, they've delayed it so long,
the technology is going to look ridiculous.
Like, "Mr. Bond, your latest gadget
is a phone that takes pictures."
Yep, the film has been delayed so much,
they've even had to update the title a few times.
First, it was...
Then it was...
And now it's like...
"And then I'll take it from there, and..."
Some business news.
Since the pandemic has made travel difficult,
one airline has figured out a new way to make money.
Watch this.
You can now get wine delivered from American Airlines.
That airline has so much leftover wine
that they're launching a new wine-delivery subscription
for $99 a month.
-Yeah, not only that, they're also selling the hummus pucks
that were stuffed between the seats.
Who wants a puck? Who wants a puck?
Come on.
And, finally, I saw that Dunkin' Donuts
is now adding salads to its menu at select locations.
Yeah, when you order a salad from Dunkin' Donuts,
even the workers are like, "No, seriously,
what can I get you?"
We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots, everybody!
-♪ Paragraphs slash your phonograph in half ♪
♪ It be the legendary back on a warpath ♪
♪ First class, leaving mics in a cast ♪
♪ Causing ruckus like the aftermath when it blast ♪
-What a show we have for you tonight.
You can see her as a judge on "Go-Big Show" on TBS.
Rosario Dawson is here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Maybe, maybe a little Cory Booker cameo.
Just saying. Senator Booker.
Plus, he stars in the TNT series "Snowpiercer."
Daveed Diggs is here!
And we've got great music
from Amanda Shires featuring Jason Isbell.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, man. -Hey.
-Good to see you. -Yeah.
-Wow. You look good.
Did you get -- You look different.
-I took your advice. -Is that right?
-Yeah. Last night, I showed you the tattoo.
You said, "Hey, you got to get the other side done," so...
-The camera -- Check out...
So...
Was it...
Well, you look upset. Was it --
-Well, I told you I was having --
feeling a little buyer's remorse
and you said, "No, no, it's your Lamborghini.
You got to get the other side done."
-Yeah.
-So, you know, and I was having second thoughts.
Now I'm having third thoughts.
-I think it's good, man. You got two tattoo.
-Yeah.
-Two tattoo. -Tattoo part deux.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Look, you know what I say?
Two tat. Two tat. Two, two, tat-tat-tat.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cymbal crash ]
Oh, man. Oh, my God.
Well, hey, if you don't come Monday with a full...
-Yeah.
-I want, like, a crab on your head or something like that.
With a crab, like two claws coming down.
-You really think? -Get sponsored -- Yeah, man.
Get sponsored by --
-See? I mean, because I always felt like --
I don't know -- like 45
is probably the cutoff for new face tattoos.
-Absolutely not. No, there's no cutoff.
No, no. That's the time to get it.
-Okay.
-Because that's the time, I think, where your skin
kind of -- It's kind of settled in already.
I do want to bring up something, by the way.
This is cool that we get to do the show.
Obviously, we're very lucky to do this.
But we have the best band in the world
with Tariq and The Roots.
[ Cheers and applause ]
But Kirk, Captain Kirk Douglas,
on guitar, who's one of the greatest
guitarists in the world, has his own signature Gibson SG.
Look at this. -Whoo!
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
-Yes!
-Kirk, talk to me about this. It just came out.
I'm excited about this. -Thank you.
Yeah, it just came out this past Wednesday, and this is it.
This is in Inverness Green.
-What did you put --
What are the specs that you did, that you put in?
-Well, one of the things -- I don't know if you remember,
but a while back,
there was this artist that was on the show, Prince,
and he broke a guitar that was very near and dear to me.
-Really? -Yeah.
So, that guitar is actually in Cleveland,
at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
-Is it really?
-Yeah, it is right now. And I missed that guitar.
So when Gibson came to me and they wanted to do
a signature guitar with me,
before I sent it down there,
I sent the broken Prince guitar to Gibson,
and they replicated the specs of that neck.
So while that guitar is in Cleveland,
I have this guitar,
and when I feel this neck of this signature guitar,
I feel the neck of the broken...
Yeah.
-The Captain Kirk Douglas SG.
Congratulations. -Thank you.
-I'm so proud of you. I love the color.
-Thank you, man. -That's awesome, bud.
Hey, so, during the quarantine,
you know, we were doing the show from --
I was doing the show from my house
and just staying in there.
And when they finally, like, let --
They opened up essential businesses and stuff like that,
I went to a hardware store to get a light switch.
I was going to install a light switch.
-[ Laughs ] -Yeah, I did.
And I did a good job. -Okay.
-I know how to do it. So, I go to this hardware store.
So, I'm in the hardware store and I hear this song playing.
And it's so good. I go, "What is that song?
Do I know this one? And it was like...
♪ If you're gonna go down ♪
♪ I'm gonna go down swingin' ♪
And I go, "Oh, that's great." So I Shazam the song.
I go -- And it's by Thad Cockrell.
T-H-A-D Cockrell.
And it's about, like --
Anyways, it's about, like, if I lost you...
Let me just play a little jam of it here, 'cause it's good.
So, it's probably -- It's almost like two songs.
It's this jam. It's like...
-♪ ...I would do ♪
♪ If all we lost ♪
♪ If I lost you ♪
-So, "If I lost you," right? And then it goes...
-♪ If I'm gonna go down ♪
♪ I want to go down swinging ♪
-So, I didn't rock out like that,
but in my head -- I had the mask on and everything,
and I'm just like, "Oh, this is the jam right there, man."
So, I was maybe doing a little of this groove
type of thing.
But then it became my anthem, because I'm like,
"Yeah, man, this is, like --"
When you want to give up, don't give up.
Just -- If you're going to go down, you go down swinging, man.
-Yeah. -So, I get into it.
This is my anthem. I love the song.
Anyways, long story long.
Thad Cockrell -- he released this record.
No one knows there's gonna be a pandemic.
They put all this work into this album, and it comes out.
They have a pandemic.
Your whole plan's pushed to the side.
So, if you go on his Instagram,
he tells this story, and it moved me.
Anyways, so, he writes a whole manifesto to his manager
and says, "I got to think of something else to do.
I think I'm going to stop. I'll think of a different job.
I mean, I have other things I can do.
I'm talented. I could do something else."
So he's actually going to to start something new.
And on January 3rd, he sends it to his manager.
January 4th, the manager calls him, and they they said,
"We're not going to talk about this manifesto thing,
because we just got a phone call from 'The Tonight Show.'"
And, yeah, he's like, "You're going to be on
'The Tonight Show.'"
And he was like, "What?"
And he said that he cried for an hour.
They thought the phone cut out.
He's like, "Did the phone cut out?"
He's like, "It's just like --"
And he goes, "It just goes to show,
don't give up, because you never know if
Some moron is going to walk into a hardware store
and Shazam your song."
And he is coming on our show Tuesday, this Tuesday.
Thad Cockrell.
And he's playing with The Roots live in studio!
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh! Go down swinging! I love it, man.
It's so cool that we get to do stuff like that.
Hey, everybody, President Biden
took over this week,
and there's a lot of new faces in his administration.
So to help you get to know them,
I thought we'd give you a quick rundown of who they are.
It's time for "Fast Stats."
-♪ Time to do the "Fast Stats" ♪
♪ "Fast Stats" ♪
♪♪
-First... [ Laughter ]
...we have Xavier Becerra.
Next, we have Alejandro Mayorkas.
Next, we have Gina Raimondo.
Then it's Marty Walsh.
Next up, it's Antony Blinken.
Then we have Tom Vilsack.
And, finally, it's Janet Yellen.
This has been "Fast Stats."
-♪ Time to do the "Fast Stats" ♪
♪ "Fast Stats" ♪ ♪♪