Hello, Internauts, and welcome to Slice of Ace!
What I'm going to talk about today is my journey to discovering asexuality,
and understanding myself and my orientation.
I hope that this video can be useful to some people who are still questioning their orientation,
to have someone to relate to, and maybe we'll have similar experiences.
I'm going to talk about being gay and being asexual, what they mean to me, how I discovered
them, and how I figured out that that's how best to identify myself.
I grew up in a rural village in England, so it's kind of an awkward place to grow up if
you're not straight.
And I think a lot of what I'm going to talk about is due to the environment in which I
grew up.
I started noticing that I wasn't the same as everyone else in early secondary school.
So, maybe year 7 or year 8.
For those of you outside of Britain that is when you're around 11/12 years old.
People around me started taking relationships more seriously.
They were starting to get interested in people.
And, honestly, I thought that they were all making it up.
I was never interested in doing anything romantic or sexual at this point in my life.
The concept that people actually wanted that... it just felt like they were putting on a show.
The differences just started to pile up.
People actually started having committed relationship.
I distinctly remember, I was talking to my best friend.
He must have made a sex joke, or said something about relationship or sexual stuff that just,
kind of, tipped me over the edge.
I remember turning around to him and shouted 'Everyone's changing and I'm staying the same!'.
And I think that kind of hits the nail on the head about discovering you're asexual.
You don't change; it's just you're stagnant while everyone else changes.
At least, that was my experience.
It kind of feels like everyone's in on this big secret and you don't understand or know
what it is.
I think it was around this time, year 8 or 9 that I started getting an appreciation for
the male body.
It was aesthetic attraction, basically.
But, for some reason, I was very... stupid?
I want to say stupid.
I feel very stupid, thinking about it now, and I didn't realise that there was anything
remotely gay about that.
I had an interest in guys, but no sexual feelings, so I still felt very different.
I think a lot of the reason for me not identifying as gay, and realising that I was gay was because
there were such negative connotations around the word.
I'd only ever heard the word gay thrown around as a slur.
I knew what it meant, on the surface.
And I hadn't heard anything past that, definitely not.
I don't know if I even knew the word trans until after I left secondary school.
So, at this point in my life, I thought everyone was faking it.
I thought that sexual feelings didn't exist, people just wanted sex because it was the
thing to do.
It's on television, it's talked about in sex ed lessons, it's a very 'adult' thing to do,
so I figured people were interested in it because they wanted to be "cool".
And then, there was me, being completely ignorant to my aesthetic attraction to guys.
As people got more and more interested in sex, they got more and more perplexed by me.
I think a lot of people found it funny that I was in no way, shape, or form interested
in sex.
I would have people asking me whether I wanted sex.
There were people asking me whether I masturbated, which is very inappropriate!
And there were people asking me whether I watched porn... why?
Why would anyone want to know that?!
And then, of course I had people asking me whether I was gay.
Because, of course, if you're not interested in women, you must be interested in guys.
That always really annoyed me!
And I said, "Well, I'm nothing.
I don't like anyone."
So, technically, at that point in my life, I was identifying as aromantic asexual without
even knowing it... hindsight!
And so I got into Sixth Form, which is the final two years of secondary school, if you
choose to do them.
I want to say 17/18 years old.
I met a guy.
Who was gay.
And he was a normal guy, he was a nice guy.
And I was a bit confused, to be honest.
I thought "He's not like those gay guys I see on TV.
He's just a normal person!".
And this is a horrible way to think, and I really hate that I was like this, but then
I kind of thought, "Huh, maybe the only thing you need to be gay is to like guys, and I
kind of like guys."
But, since I was busy studying and had a lot on my mind other than that, I just kind of
ignored it.
Through secondary school, there was never a doubt in my mind that I was asexual.
I struggled with coming to terms with being homoromantic, as I now know it to be.
But, I don't think I ever thought for once in my life that I was straight.
I just didn't have the words to describe myself and understand myself.
And I think that's why education about asexuality and visibility about asexuality is so important.
And that is why I'm doing these videos right now, because I spent a good proportion of
my childhood being very confused because I thought I was the only person in the world
who felt like I did.
It wasn't until maybe my second year of university that I managed to find out about asexuality.
And, it was such an eye-opener for me.
There are so many times, where I've looked online, and saw people talking about their
own experiences, but it sounds so much like what I feel.
And it is so validating and it makes you feel like you're not broken, because I feel like
since asexuality is so uncommon and people don't know about it in general.
If you ask people on the street "What is asexuality?", chances are they probably won't know.
At least, that's my experience.
When everyone around you is feeling something, and you realise it's normal to feel that way,
it make it feel like there's something wrong with you when you don't feel that way.
I've just been rambling for half an hour about myself.
Hopefully me sharing my experience has helped someone out there understand themselves better,
come to accept themselves.
If there's something I want you to take from this video, it's that no matter who you are,
or how you feel, or how you choose to identify, you are valid.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're not broken.
And it's so important to be happy with yourself.
Well, that was interesting.
If you did enjoy it, please leave a like because it will help me gauge what kind of content
you want to see in the future.
If you want to be more specific, you can leave a comment down below.
I am always open to suggestions.
Okay, have a wonderful day, and I will see you next time!
Or not, depending on whether you watch the next video.
Goodbye!
Oh, a sexagon.
It's like a hexagon but it says sex at the front.
Ha ha ha (sarcastically).
No, I don't find her hot.
Why can't you get this into your brain?!
Um, I'm saying this like I'm this super awkward loner person who doesn't understand social
interaction... which is true!