There are two sides to every argument,
but only one can be right.
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Come on, pick on me, let's do it.
(applause)
And there's only one person to make the verdict.
Get the heck out of here, we're done with you.
(cheering)
Judge Scary Mary.
Hello, this is my courtroom, can I talk?
It's time to face the truth
in Scary Mary's court.
(dramatic music)
(cheering)
The last place you want to find yourself
when you're in legal hot water
is Judge Mary's court, mmm.
(cheering)
(gavel banging)
How about this man who was recently busted
for drunk driving in California,
while the top of his car literally
had an anti-drunk driving sign
that said I should probably get a ride home.
(Areva laughs)
Wow.
Judge Mary, what is your verdict on this guy?
He needs a big gavel for that one.
(Vivica laughs)
First of all, the guy needs to get 30 days
for being a hypocrite and or just stupid.
(applause) (Vivica laughs)
And then again, you know, everybody's
presumed innocent till proven guilty,
so we need to have a trial to determine
whether or not he's actually guilty of that crime.
But I wanna share with you all a few times
where people would be in front of me
and they'd say but Judge, I wasn't driving the car,
I was just sitting behind the wheel
on the side of the road.
If you are behind the wheel of a running car,
you are operating a motor vehicle
and you would be guilty of a crime,
if the evidence so proved your intoxication.
Regardless if you're pulled over.
Yes, yeah.
Wow.
As long as that motor is running, you could be guilty.
What about in your driveway?
Well, same thing, because the motor is running--
Still, right, yeah.
Even in a public lot, I mean, you're
at the supermarket, and you just pulled over
and it's running and you're just waiting.
You're still behind the wheel.
Absolutely, so people, it only takes two
for some people, but be careful when you drink and drive,
Yeah.
But this guy's just a clown, a hypocrite
and everything in between, and it's stupidity.
All right, but you pulled out
that big ass gavel for him, so okay.
That's right, so we know what you really think.
(Vivica laughs) Stupidity.
(laughs)
And finally, a Florida cop was
recently suspended for 20 days without pay
because of the controversial way he
handled the arrest of a young shoplifting couple.
The officer placed the couple
in the backseat of his cop car,
where he reportedly allowed them to smoke
and engage in sexual behavior
while he played Barry White tunes, mmm.
Judge Mary, what's the verdict on all of this?
Well he allowed them to commit another crime
of indecent exposure, and quite frankly,
I can't believe they suspended him
for so little of a time, I would've fired the cop.
All that we can imagine is that he's sitting
there himself getting off on watching them
through the rear-view mirror.
Exactly, that's what I thought.
Because he's some kind of voyeur or something.
I was gonna say that,
talk about voyeurism, like wow dude.
Yeah, he might've taken some extra laps
around the block, you know, just enjoying himself.
Yeah, drive slow. Driving slow.
(cat calls)
Wow.
Oh they was putting on a whole show for him
He should've separated them, quite honestly,
they should've, look at this.
They should've been in handcuffs.
Yeah!
So many violations when you look at the video.
Hey, when I got arrested for drunk driving,
they put me in hand cuffs, it was
the freakiest experience you ever wanna have,
it makes you learn a lesson real quick
because it is uncomfortable, I wasn't able
to go foolin' around with anybody.
(audience laughs)
Right, okay, so are you gonna rule on this one?
Will you rule on this one?
Oh for what?
Is he guilty of?
Is who guilty?
The cop. The cop!
Guilty, oh he's guilty, but guilt,
he hasn't committed a crime.
He hasn't?
He hasn't committed a crime.
(women all speaking)
He hasn't committed any crime, no, stupidity.
Aiding and abetting criminals having sex
in the back of the car while listening
to Barry White.
Yeah isn't it some
kind of crime? It's not a crime.
Okay, all right, that's fine.
You're being so politically correct today, Mary.
Sorry.
Okay.
That's a change.