NOW YOU'RE A MOVIE STAR.
YOU DID THIS THING WITH OLE AND TINA FEY.
IT'S A HILARIOUS MOVIE AND YOU'RE THE ROMANTIC GUY IN IT.
>> YEAH, WHICH IS STRANGE.
I PLAY MORGAN ON "THE MINDY PROJECT--" WHAT'S THE TERM--
DESPERATE LOSER, I WOULD SAY.
>> Stephen: WHICH HAS ITS OWN APPEAL.
>> HE'S INDJEPT.
HE'S LONELY.
HE'S AFRAID.
THIS GUY, SO, IN "SISTERS," HE'S A NICE GENTLEMAN FROM FLORIDA.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE TO GET SEXY FOR IT?
>> I HAD TO GET SEXY.
I HAD A NEW HAIR SYSTEM PUT IN.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS-- THIS IS REAL HUMAN
HAIR RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS RAT HAIR THAT I HAD GRAFTED ON TO MY SKIN.
NO, I ACTUALLY DID.
I HAD TO LOSE A COUPLE OF POUNDS BECAUSE --
>> HOW MANY IS A COUPLE?
>> I LOST ABOUT 25 POUNDS REALLY QUICKLY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU-- >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE ACTUALLY-- THESE PEOPLE,
THOSE-- THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO REALLY THOUGHT, YEAH,
HE REALLY NEEDED TO.
>> HE NEEDED IT.
>> Stephen: IT WAS TIME.
>> HE WAS A REAL FATSO.
HE WAS A REAL FATSO.
>> Stephen: NO, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO-- BEING THE ROMANTIC
GUY, DID YOU HAVE TO-- ON "THE MINDY PROJECT," WERE SAY THEY GO
SOYOU, "WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO SEXY RIGHT NOW?"
>> A LITTLE BIT, BUT MINDY KEEPS IT REAL.
IN THE MOVIE I HAVE TO BE SHIRTLESS.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW.
YOU COULD NOT PAY ME ENOUGH.
>> REALLY?
>> Stephen: NO, THOSE DAYS ARE OVER, MY FRIEND.
>> WELL, I WAS NERVOUS BECAUSE I HAVE VERY THICK EASTERN EUROPEAN
JEWISH CHEST HAIR, AND SOMEONE IS LIKE ARE YOU GOING TO TRIM
IT?
AND I WAS LIKE OH, YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.
I HAD ONE PATCH THAT WAS HAIRY HERE AND I CLIPPED IT WAY TOO
SHORT.
SO THEN I CLIPPED THE OTHER SIDE.
AND THEN I STARTED LOOKING -- >> PATCHY.
>> LIKE I HAD MAINCH, LIKE A SICK DOG.
SO THEN I REALLY KIND OF CLIPPED THE WHOLE THING --
>> BY YOURSELF.
>> BY MYSELF.
>> Stephen: NOT A PRO?
>> NO, BY MYSELF.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL WAX YOU.
THEY PORTHE HOT WAWX WAX ON.
>> I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, BUT I'M A COWARD AT HEART.
I CLIPPED IT WAY TOO SHORT, AND I REALIZED MY CHARACTER FROM
FLORIDA AND MY MEN ARE FLORIDA ARE SHAVED.
FROM THE NECK DOWN.
>> Stephen: LIKE AN EEL.
>> THEY'RE LIKE BABY EELS.
>> Stephen: I HAD TO DO THAT ONCE FOR SHOT, AND I WENT TO A
WOMAN WHO SAID, "VEE COTHE NIPPLES LAST."
AND SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.
>> THAT'S THE WORST PART.
THE NIPPLES ARE THE WORST PART.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO.
>> YES, SIR.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE VERY CHICAGO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH, GIVE IT UP.
GO, CUBS!
YEAH, WE MET.
YOU SPENT TIMES IN CHICAGO.
>> Stephen: I LIVED THERE FOR 11 YEARS.
>> SORT OF FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, SORT OF FROM CHICAGO.
I THINK I'M PROFESSIONALLY FROM CHICAGO BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE,
LIKE, I HIRED FOUR MORE WRITERS WHEN I CAME ON TO THIS SHOW.
WE UPPED THE STAFF.
AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT BUT I HIRED FOUR PEOPLE FROM CHICAGO.
>> WE'RE A COMEDY HUB.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
WHY DO YOU THINK A LOT OF COMEDY TODAY IS ROLLED IN THE BREAD
CRUMBS OF CHICAGO?
>> I THINK BECAUSE WE ARE ALCOHOLICS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND WE HAVE FOUR MONTHS A YEAR
-- >> I PREFER TO CALL IT COFFEE.
>> COFFEE, YEAH.
>> WELL, THERE'S FOUR MONTHS A YEAR IF YOU GO OUTSIDE YOU WILL
FREEZE TO DEATH, SO WE'RE INSIDE A LOT.
>> Stephen: FOUR IS VERY GENEROUS.
FOUR MONTHS, REALLY?
>> IT'S REALLY NOVEMBER TO MID-MAY.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> THOSE MONTHS WE GET VERY FAT.
WE EAT PIZZA AND DRINK A LOT AND WE LIKE TO LAUGH.
WE DON'T TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY.
>> Stephen: AND FALL DOWN.
>> AND WE FALL DOWN.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE MOST CHICAGO SENTENCE YOU CAN THINK
OF?
DO YOU HAVE ONE?
>> YOU CAN TELL HIM FROM ME THAT I SAID KISS MY ASS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S ALWAYS, LIKE, TELLING A
FRIEND, "TELL PAT, TELL PAT, I SAID HE CAN GO TO HELL!
IT'S ALWAYS INVOLVE A GUY NAMED PAT OR A WOMAN NAMED MARY PAT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS VERY -- >> NO, IT'S PAT'S SISTER, MARY
PAT.
WHEN I FIRST SAW MARY PAT, OKAY, SHE WAS IN HER DODGE, OVER BY
L.S.D., LAKE SHORE DRIVE.
>> PIE FOREST OR DOWN BY HOLLYWOOD.
>> Stephen: NO IT WAS UP BY-- OH, BY DIVERSITY.
>> THEY GOT AN AL'S BEEF THERE.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
>> OH, THAT'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S JUST THE THING.
SHE WAS STUCK IN THE SNOW BANK AND HE WAS SHOVELING HERSELF OUT
WITH A POLL SCA KILL BALL BASSA.
YOU GET THE HOT PEPPERS.
IT MELTS THE SNOW BANKS.
>> AND THEN YOU GET THE JUICE, THE PEPPER JUICE.
>> Stephen: YOU GETTA EAT IT WET.
>> YOU GOTTA HAVE IT WET.
>> Stephen: NO OTHER WAY.
>> CHICAGOANS ARE OBSESSED WITH WET FOOD.
"MAKE IT WET.
MAKE IT EVERY WET."
>> Stephen: THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO MR. BEEF, THE FIRST
TIME, I GUY SAID, "DO YOU WANT IT WET?"
AND I THOUGHT ABOUT CALLING IN SOMEONE FROM HUMAN RESOURCES TO
TALK TO HIM.
>> MR. BEEF HAS A VERY EXTENSIVE HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT.
>> Stephen: WELL, MRS. BEEF INSISTS UPON IT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> POOR MRS. BEEF.
>> Stephen: WHAT A HARD LIFE THAT MUST BE BE.