So I live in Mobile, Alabama.
I don't live in the city limits.
We live out in the county
'cause we could not afford
to build to code,
(audience laughing)
'cause three strand
wiring is expensive,
so we have two strand.
That means though that
every day I get to tell my wife
do not touch metal while
you got the light on.
That's why your hair is frizzy,
you're doing it wrong.
(audience laughing)
We live in a subdivision.
Y'all know what I'm talking about?
The neighborhoods where they
scrape every living thing
off the face of the earth
and they cram 12 houses
into a three house spot.
Y'all seen that?
That's where I live.
My neighbor farts,
my pillow flies off the bed.
(audience laughing)
There's that.
(audience laughing)
Subdivisions have fancy names too,
like Hounds Run,
Falcons Crest, Eagles Landing,
that kind of stuff,
so anybody live in a subdivision?
Anybody with us?
Watch, here's a fancy experiment,
it's gonna be fancy.
What is the
name of your subdivision?
- [Audience Member] Summit Ridge.
- Summit Ridge, money in the house!
(audience laughing)
Summit Ridge, all right,
you shop at Target,
instead of Walmart, don't you?
Whoo!
Summit Ridge, you know what
the name of subdivision is,
Falling Values
(audience laughing)
and here's what's weird, get this.
It's actually listed on
the Alabama state map.
You know when you get
the big road map,
our fricking neighborhood
is listed on the map,
but they misspelled it.
They spelled it Flood Plain.
(audience laughing)
- [Audience] There's that.
- There's that.
Do you have good water pressure
out at the kingdom
of Summit Ridge?
You do, yeah.
The water pressure's
so low at my house,
the refrigerator makes dry ice.
(audience laughing)
Do you have good neighbors?
You do not,
they don't let you use the air strip?
(audience laughing)
Rich people have airplanes.
(audience laughing)
We have good neighbors.
Our next door neighbors
have one of those things.
All right, now I'm going blank.
What's that thing people
have that the cat scratches?
A baby, a baby.
(audience laughing)
- [Audience] There's that.
- There's that.
My neighbors had this baby,
y'all, this baby is hilarious.
The baby has a condition
called butt ugly.
(audience laughing)
Y'all—y'all, listen but this
is the ugliest freaking baby
in the world, it is hilarious.
It's one of those babies
that when you see it,
you go . . .
like that
and the parents are in denial.
They don't pick up on the clues.
Do y'all know people like that?
They have ugly babies, ugly kids
and they don't wanna just—
Look, they took the baby to the park,
people tried to capture it
with Pokie Balls.
(audience laughing)
If your baby's nicknamed Divot,
that's a unconventional
looking little baby right there.
That baby is ugly.
It fell out of a car window one time,
they got a ticket for littering.
It is a weird . . .
(audience laughing)
You know him?
(audience laughing)
We were walking around
the block with him.
You know—y'all, you know
how late in the afternoon
when the weather's mild,
you walk around the block
unless you live in Summit Ridge,
then you drive golf carts
with fancy rims.
Anyway, we were walking
around the block
and they were with us,
they were pushing the baby.
This lady from
the other end of the street
that had not met them
came walking up.
I introduced them and the lady goes,
"Oh, what a pretty stroller.
(audience laughing)
"Is that a gray coat, that is nice."
(audience laughing)
She goes, "It can't get out, can it?
(audience laughing)
"Look at those blue eyes."
I'm like, there's three of them.
(audience laughing)
They have a daughter,
they have a little girl that's 11,
drop dead gorgeous,
pretty little girl, y'all, she is,
ate up with barbie doll fever.
Loves barbie dolls, has all
her grandmama's barbie dolls,
has her mama's barbie dolls,
so for her birthday,
my wife and I went online,
did some research,
got her the brand new Barbie doll
that's only been released
in Alabama so far.
Have y'all seen that one?
It's called Hillbilly Barbie,
comes with a tick
(audience laughing)
under her armpit, little pink tweezers.
(audience laughing)
Have y'all seen that?
Hillbilly Barbie and Country Ken,
spelled K-I-N.
(audience laughing)