Donald Trump, the 45th president of the United States,
and the only president to wear a weave.
During his time in office,
there have been several issues
that he has been intently focused on,
things like cutting regulations,
pulling out of Iran, and legalizing flag marriage.
But the one issue that he cares about more than anything else
is his big, beautiful border wall.
You know, "Build the wall. Build the wall."
In many ways, the wall is the son Trump always wanted:
it's taller, stronger and somehow smarter.
And now, now the president is trying to groom
the next generation of border wall lovers.
TV REPORTER: A White House Halloween party
reportedly featured a station
where children were encouraged to help build the wall
with their own personalized bricks.
Yahoo News says the party took place
at Eisenhower Executive Office Building,
which is used by White House staff.
Okay. Okay. People might be pissed off about that,
but wait until you find out that the kids were also encouraged
to find dirt on the Bidens. Trump was like,
(mimics Trump): "I got a Kit Kat
"for anyone who brings me Hunter Biden's password.
I call it kit pro quo."
(laughter)
(normal voice): But, yeah, I think we can all agree
that children on Halloween
should not be building a border wall.
The only way that's appropriate
is if the kids were building a wall
over Rudy Giuliani's office door.
Then it's okay. Then it works.
So that was on Halloween.
Right? That was on Halloween.
But it seemed like this was a wall-themed weekend
for Donald Trump, because on Friday,
at a rally in Mississippi,
the president was boasting once again
about just how impenetrable his border wall is.
This is a very serious wall.
This is the exact-- everything they wanted.
I said give me the specifications for the wall.
They said, "Well, sir, we'd like steel,
but would also like concrete and would also like rebar."
I said, "Well, what do you want? Which one?
So I did all three.
(crowd cheering)
Because it's a different form of cutting.
You can cut through steel but you can't through the concrete,
and then you can't through the hardened rebar.
We got it all.
And, "We also need see-through, sir.
Got to see who's on the other side."
That makes sense, right?
(mimics Trump): "Yeah, that makes sense.
"You got to have a see-through wall
"because if the wall is not see-through,
"the only way to know what's on the other side
"is by yelling, 'Marco' and hope they yell, 'Polo.'
"That's the only way.
-"But... But... -(cheers and applause)
"Some Mexicans aren't named Marco.
"A lot of people don't know that, folks.
A lot of people don't know that."
(normal voice): But, yes, on Friday night,
Trump gave his usual unhumble brag
about how nothing can get through his wall.
And you know how, in a sitcom,
when they cut right to the next scene?
Uh, well, cut right to the next scene.
According to The Washington Post, Mexican smuggling gangs
have repeatedly sawed through sections
of Trump's new border wall.
Smugglers are using a cordless tool
known as a reciprocating saw that pretty much sells
at hardware stores for as little as $100,
and when you fit it with specialized blades,
the tool can pretty much slice through steel
and concrete barriers within minutes.
Yep, that's right.
Just after Trump bragged about his super wall,
we learned that smugglers have been cutting through
the new border wall with basic tools
that you can buy at any hardware store.
And I honestly wouldn't be shocked
if the guys at Home Depot showed the smugglers how to do it,
because... 'cause those guys will help you with any project.
Yeah, they don't judge. They'll just be like,
"Hey, buddy, you need help with anything?"
You're like, "Yeah, uh, I want to open a safe
that's not in my house."
It's like, "Okay, you'll need a power drill.
"Aisle seven. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is this a bank safe?" "Uh, yeah."
"Oh, then you need a blowtorch. Aisle five. Aisle five.
Also zip ties for the guards. Aisle two. My man."
(cheering and applause)
Now...
Now, you might think that Trump would be humiliated
by the news that smugglers are cutting through
his uncuttable border wall,
but clearly, you don't know Trump.
When asked if he was concerned that people were able
to cut through the border wall he has been touting for so long,
this was the president's response.
I haven't heard that. We have a very powerful wall.
But no matter how powerful, uh,
you can cut through anything, in all fairness.
You know, cutting... cutting is one thing,
but it's easily fixed.
One of the reasons we did it the way we did it,
it's very easily fixed to put the chunk back in.
But we have a very powerful wall.
But you can cut through any wall.
Okay, hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. For four years,
this guy told us the wall would be impenetrable.
But now he's like, "Yeah, of course.
You can cut through anything. Of course."
In a span of few hours,
Trump's wall went from being Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
to literally any other guy named Dwayne.
That's what just happened there.
What happened? Huh?
-(cheering and applause) -And also...
And also, if Trump is saying he built it on purpose
to be something that's easy to open and then close,
it isn't a wall.
My man, you've built a door.
(laughter and applause)
I feel like that's where this whole thing is headed.
Trump's just gonna come out like,
"We put a door on the southern border.
"So much easier.
"They can open it,
"but afterwards, it can also be closed.
"And who's gonna close it? Mexico!
Close the door! Close the door!"