hello my name is Chris and I'm a recovering nice guy what is up everybody
this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and if you are new to my channel my channel is all about
helping you improve your mental and emotional well-being and a lot of that
has to do with relationships and that's what I'm talking about today so if
you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe click the little notification
bell because I make a ton of videos so I've been talking about youtubers and
stuff lately but this is kind of like about a youtuber I want to talk about
nice guys I used to be a nice guy so to give you a little back story if you
don't know about nice guys I highly recommend checking out a channel that my
girlfriend turned me on to it's called sorrow TV and this guy goes
through different subreddits and stuff and does a bunch of funny voices and he
sings and it's absolutely hilarious I'm nice to you why won't you show me your
boobies all girls are the same us nice guys never get a chance but one of the
playlist he has is a subreddit called nice guys and like I watch it I laugh
and I cringe I'm like oh my god that used to be me so I'm making this video
for a couple reasons and I'm gonna make more videos on this
so a few reasons I'm making this okay the first one men all of you men out
there we got to be better we've got to be better people and a lot of us you
know especially younger guys like we're delusional okay so I hope that I can
teach you a few things the reason number two women women you
deserve better keep on the lookout for nice guys don't put up with their BS
they'll get over it they'll figure things out okay third and foremost like
I hope with my channel to show how somebody can grow someone who can
improve so for a variety of reasons so be sure
to share my videos and show people that they can change that they can improve
this isn't for you to sit around waiting for somebody to change because it takes
a lot of work most of my videos when I sit there talking to you and telling you
things to do it's because I've done it because I've been through it I used to
be a terrible terrible terrible person not only was like terrible in
relationships I was also a drug addict I was an alcoholic I had anger issues I
had all sorts of stuff right but now I'm in this great place today and I'm just
completely different than I used to be all right but it takes work it takes
effort and the first step towards solving a problem is acknowledging that
there is a problem so so for those of you who don't know what r/niceguys are
okay so a few examples of r/niceguys there's somebody who will approach a
woman and they're like but I'm such I'm such a nice guy I'm so nice and this and
this or they'll say very sweet things and all that kind of stuff and then when
this the woman turns that down they snap okay so one example is they snap they
get mad they'll call them names and things like that so me personally I
didn't do that okay but I would talk to my friends about it and say like I don't
get it I don't get it I'm such a nice guy why
do these women not want a nice guy so the first thing I will talk about in my
confessions of a nice guy just help you get into the brain of a nice guy was I
saw over and over and over again women that I knew you know back in high school
you know even in my 20s I saw women who kept dating terrible guys right they
would cheat on them they would emotionally or verbally abuse them and
things like that I'm like but I would never do that I would never do that and
like there's this weird kind of entitlement that comes along with that
like somewhere in the brain of nice guys they think that just because you're not
doing these terrible things this woman should date you and first and foremost
like you're setting a real low bar like hey you should date me
I'm not verbally abusive like what what about your hobbies your interests your
goals your passions like things that you have in common you know are they
physically attracted to you like there's more to dating
just like oh well I've never hit a woman so you should date me like say your bar
a little bit higher than that and women same thing like if you're getting out of
a terrible relationship raise your bar like don't set your bar as low as the
last jerk you dated raise it higher because for nice guys it's right that's
what we look for right okay the bar isn't too high right but the thing is is
that these nice guys when they snap they show their real colors right and this is
because they're they're putting on this facade a long time ago I made a lot of
you haven't even seen this I made a video about Aziz Ansari during the me2
movement and a lot of people got my video twisted but I wasn't calling Aziz
Ansari out for any kind of MIS like any kind of like you know illegal behavior
but I was calling him out for being a nice guy right I talked about him as a
wolf in sheep's clothing nice guys are very good at pretending like they're
good and well-intentioned and stuff like that but what really they're doing is
they're putting on a show so they can get what they want right this is how a
lot of women or even men I guess sometimes they get tricked into abusive
relationships not even physically abusive but verbally and emotionally
abusive they get tricked because some people are good at keeping themselves
together during that whole courting phase then you get stuck in a
relationship with them and their true colors show alright but these other nice
guys what they do is they always they're posting and then they're posting and
posting and they they have this self-pity party like I don't get why I
can't find a woman I'm such a nice guy I don't get it and usually it's this whole
like friendzone and you know all sorts of stuff and they're seeing some girl
that they're longing for dating these idiots and and stuff like that but like
again it goes back to like just because you're nice like that doesn't give you
the right to have that woman right and like and that's the other thing a piece
of property and I really hope in this video I'm not coming off as like this
white knight it's just like I've learned I've learned from so many mistakes and a
lot of it came through self-evaluation and realizing this stuff like so for it
for example I used to get so butthurt like and it was because of my emotions I
would get very strongly like emotionally attached
to somebody and all I could do is focus on them I need this one specific woman
right and like here's the reality of the situation I ask myself am i attracted to
every single woman I meet no right so how why do I expect every woman I
meet to be attracted to me maybe they're not into my type maybe they're not into
chunky bearded guys I don't know what it is maybe they're not into guys with my
kind of voice maybe they're looking for you know whatever right like I have to
like that's that's where empathy comes in you know what I'm saying like maybe
they're just not into my type I have a type it's a crazy but the other thing is
to and this is a lot about mental health as well
and people who have emotional attachment issues is we often forgetting this for
any of you single folk out there we're afraid of being alone or you get hyper
focus on somebody and they don't reciprocate your feelings like always
remember always remember there are seven point six billion people on this planet
okay half of which are of you know the gender that you want to date quit
focusing on one person because when you focus on that one person who broke your
heart or doesn't reciprocate your feelings you are closing yourself off to
the rest of the world and that's what I was doing I was hyper focusing on things
that I couldn't get things that I put in half you see what I'm saying so like we
really hate man we need to start becoming better and identifying these
things you know so like the last thing I'll talk about is this thing called
self seeking so I had this delusion in my brain that I was such a nice guy Oh
such a great guy but self seeking is doing things expecting something in
return so for example right I would ask you go out on date for some reason she
would say yes cuz back in the day I was a hot mess and she would say yes and I
would go and I would like pick her up in her house and I'd like walk her to the
car and I'd opened the door for and then I would take her to an expensive
restaurant wait one that's way out of my budget and I'm like you know we go we
sit down I pull her chair out for and you know we start to have a meal and I'm
complimenting on my girl you look good tonight
gee thanks you know and she's all loving into something I'm just nice and I'm
complimenting her I'm telling her she's smart and she's witty and she's funny
all these other things and then we leave the restaurant and I Drive her back home
and I opened the door for her and I walk her up to her door
and then she she opens up a door settings for a good night and she gives
me a hug and then she walks inside right and then I get furious I get furious
about this because all I got was a hug are you serious I just did this I was
such a nice guy but the reality is it's like I had to realize like and by really
a nice guy I was only doing all that nice stuff to get something in return
that's not nice being nice is being selfless you know what I'm saying
so like a lot of this comes from men like we really got to be self-aware and
a lot of us were not as nice as we think we are and maybe if we were we'd have a
lot more opportunities women like there's a whole subreddit to of nice
girls to write hey you gotta check in with yourself and say like am I really
as nice as I think I am cuz I might not be alright so again please share this
video there's a lot of nice guys out there who really need a stern talking-to
and like like I said I'm much different now in this this was a journey and I'll
make some more videos about how I grew as a man how I started being a better
person in relationships I have a beautiful girlfriend we've been together
for over a year and a half we're looking at apartments and stuff like that if we
make it till this December which I don't see why we wouldn't you know we'll be
together for about two years you know and you know if you ask I'm pretty
decent in a relationship now and a lot of it is because I give without
expecting anything in return and I think that's a problem that a lot of us have
right so anyway shit of this video leave comments down below what is your
experience were you a nice guy are you a nice guy or ladies out there
what's your stories have you ever encountered one of these nice guys
alright but that's all I got for you today if you like this video please give
it a thumbs up and if you are new here I'm always making videos to help you out
with your mental and emotional well-being click that subscribe button
ring that notification bell and huge thank you to everybody supporting the
channel over on patreon you're all beautiful and you're helping me make
more content to spread the message of hope and if you want to check out some
more videos and click a tap right there thanks so much for watching put being a
nice guy I'll see you next time