- We have decided to create
the ultimate cholla challenge.
Also called the sharpest maze in the world.
This is about to get crazy.
(painful groaning)
- [Director] Back up just a little bit
and then go straight.
- [Camera man] Straight! Straight! Straight!
(painful groaning)
(energetic music)
- Welcome to the Sonoran desert.
One of the harshest environments
in the continental United States.
This terrain has become a staple
for brave wilderness.
From the Gila monsters
to the tarantula hawks.
Even the plants are out for blood.
In fact, that's exactly why we're here.
(painful groaning)
(slow motion painful groaning)
- Ah, yes. Here we go.
The jumping cholla in all its glory.
Now there are over 30 different species
of this segmented cacti that inhabit
North and South America.
And they all have different names.
This one, I could tell right away
is none other than the teddy bear cholla.
But I will warn you,
this plant is definitely not soft and cuddly.
So you don't wanna give it a hug,
If you're out here in the Sonoran desert.
Now, if you take a closer look at those spines,
you'll notice that they're pointing
in nearly every direction.
Almost like some kind of geometric nightmare.
Oh, but it gets worse.
On every single spine
is a characteristic called Leucadia.
Which are small bristles
with backward facing barbs.
This microscopic feature makes the cholla,
difficult to remove once it is adhered
to any surface or unlucky passer-by.
Now I know what you're thinking.
Are these plants just plain evil
or is there a method to their madness?
Well, as it turns out,
each and every single segment of this plant,
is a potential seed for the next offspring.
They've adopted,
what's called vegetative reproduction.
But what's with this name, jumping cholla?
Their name is a bit of a myth.
It comes from the idea
that the plants actually have the ability
to jump at there would be victims.
However, that's not the case,
but what they can do is fall.
So a good gust of wind
or vibrations in the ground
can cause the segments to fall,
especially in the dry season.
And at this point,
I wanna show you guys
the methods to remove a cholla plant
from your body.
But let's be honest,
you've seen this before.
(painful groaning)
Yeah.
Today, it's my turn.
In order to show you the right ways
to remove a cholla,
I'm gonna need to get myself
good and spiked up.
So the team and I have decided
to create the ultimate cholla challenge.
Also called the sharpest maze in the world.
And if you look right behind me here,
you'll notice, there's a lot of cholla.
In fact, not just cholla,
there's all kinds of spiky, nightmarish plants.
These are things you would never ever want
to walk through.
But here's the deal.
If you were to go all the way
to the end of the maze, over 100 yards.
You would find a table.
What's on this table?
You might ask.
Well, it just so happens
to be my favorite dessert of all time.
The delicious, the scrumptious,
the completely irresistible, red velvet cake.
And this one just so happens
to be made from my favorite bakery
in Los Angeles, Baker's layne.
So trust me,
I really wanna have that dessert
in the desert.
But here's the deal.
In order to get it,
I need to make my way
through this maze in under two minutes.
And the kicker is
I've gotta do it while being blindfolded.
- Actually Mark, I thought the blindfold
might be a little too easy
to see through.
- Huh? - So,
I got you these blacked out goggles instead.
I'll take the bandana from you now.
- I could work with this.
Okay. I really want that cake.
All right, folks. Here it goes.
If you've ever wanted
to see a human pin cushion,
stick around for the next few minutes.
This, is about to get crazy.
(soft instrumental)
- [Narrator] Alrighty, folks.
Looks like we got ourselves
a good old fashioned desert showdown.
No sense poking around,
let's get right to it.
(whip slashing)
Two minutes on the clock.
Let's give him some spins for good luck.
(soft music with timer)
And he's off.
- Ah!
(painful groaning)
- That's bad man. - [Camera Man] Shoot straight.
To your right, to your right.
Good, good.
To your left man, to your left.
- Ah, Oh God!
- Straight. Go straight ahead.
Oh, watch out for that one by your leg.
- Ah! - Ah!
(painful groaning)
- Back up just a little bit
and then go straight.
- Ah! - There you go.
- Ah! I can't see a thing.
- There we go. We got a little bit of clearing.
- Time check, time check.
- You got about a minute, 30.
- Ah! Ah! Aah! - Watch your shin.
- Which way?
(painful groaning)
- Oh man. Back up, back up, back up.
- (painful groaning) - Oh, oh, oh!
Okay Mark.
We gotta keep going. - All right.
- To your right to your right. - Right. Right.
- To your right, yep. - What is that?
- It isn't another one, is it?
- No, straight ahead. - (painful groaning)
- Yep, sidestep.
Step with your left leg forward.
(painful groaning)
Yeah, just go straight Mark.
Just go straight.
- Oh my gosh! How far am I?
- Halfway through Mark. Come on.
Don't get too close to those.
Keep that way. There you go.
- My leg's seizing up, man.
- Well we're in between two very sharp plants.
So what we need to do, yeah?
(painful groaning)
You just turn yourself.
- Okay.
Go forward.
There's a plush right below you though.
Step over that with your left leg.
There you go.
- Guys, am i doing the right thing?
I can't-- - Yeah
I'm just trying to feel for bushes
- Shuffle, shuffle - up my feet.
- There you go.
- Am I close?
- You're close. You got about 30 seconds though,
we gotta make it.
(painful groaning)
- I'm like terrified to finish this.
Corey help me.
- Alright. It's stuck tight.
- Ah! Dude I'm stuck.
I'm fricking stuck.
(painful groaning) - [Narrator] Oh!
- He's gonna feel that one for a while.
Let's slow that down real nice like
and see an instant replay.
(slow motion groaning)
- Okay. You just have to move forward.
(painful groaning)
You're right there.
It's right in front of you.
You made it dude.
- I'm right in front of the table?
(painful groaning)
I got the cake.
(triumphant music) Yes.
Victory.
- Dude you made it
with like two seconds to spare?
- All right.
I need you guys to remove the goggles.
Cause I I'm like I can't move, right now.
Corey, I'm gonna need your help.
How bad is it? How bad is it?
- It's bad dude.
- Oh, Oh my goodness.
- Is it worth it, man? Take a bite.
- Let me, let me see.
- You made it this far. - Mm!
Oh, that tastes better.
That certainly,
makes it better.
Oh yeah. That's good cake.
Okay.
We gotta get these out.
(laughing)
All right. I really need the stuff off the back.
(painful groaning)
- I'm just gotta keep going, man. Ready?
- Okay.
(painful groaning)
(slow motion groaning with music)
- All right. Keep going man.
(slow motion groaning with music)
One, two, three
(painful groaning with music)
- Yup, that was the worst one.
Take as what
I am so happy I woke up.
(bright music)
Okay
So here we go.
Now, as you could see,
I only have the cholla left
that are on the front side of my body.
And this is the point of the video
where I would like to attempt to show you
how, if this happens to you,
hopefully it doesn't.
But if it does,
how to properly remove these cholla
with the least amount of pain possible.
The number one thing,
you want to avoid doing,
this is like rule number one with cholla.
You never, ever under any circumstances,
try to remove cholla with your hands.
Even if you have gloves on,
as you can see, these things go through boots,
they go through fabric.
So, don't use your hands.
You want to use a tool.
Now, what tools should you use?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Corey, my comb please.
Thank you, sir.
(bright music)
No, I'm just kidding.
It's not for my hair.
But, one of the best tools
for removing the cholla
is a large tooth comb.
Just like this. Work the teeth
under the spines, until you grab the cholla.
You could kind of see,
I've got the fruit pulling up now.
Ready? One. Two, three.
Okay.
That's one.
Oh, this one's gonna hurt.
(painful groaning)
Yeah.
Yes, yes, sir. That hurts.
Okay. So the comb, it does the trick.
But let's be honest.
If you're out here hiking The Sonoran desert,
pretty good chance,
you don't have a large tooth comb in your kit.
But what you might have,
is something like this.
The brave wilderness team never leaves home
without a good multi-tool
and I highly recommend, you do the same.
So you wanna open two points of contact.
Just like the comb, wiggle it in there.
See how I have good purchase. - That hurts?
- One, two. Three.
(painful groaning)
(slow motion groaning)
Velvet cake. Velvet cake. Velvet cake.
(alow motion groaning)
Ah!
(painful groaning)
Okay, I think I need to get this one off.
This is a good opportunity for me
to show you yet another technique.
Corey, sticks please.
Thank you, sir.
Now, if you can't find any sticks,
just look harder.
'Cause you definitely,
don't wanna use your hands.
Like I said before.
What you wanna do, is take the sticks,
work them underneath, get purchase
and then same as the other ones.
One, two, three.
Ah! Yeah, just like that.
But I gotta be honest with you.
I much prefer the multi-tool.
So I'm going back.
Okay. This is gonna be a good one.
And the final cholla.
I hope you've enjoyed learning
about the Sonoran desert
and all of its spiky inhabitants.
And how to remove the pesky cholla,
should you ever have an encounter of your own
I'm Mark Vins. Be brave. Stay wild.
We'll see you on the next challenge.
Ready guys?
One, two, three.
- Ah!
(soft upbeat music)
- Mm! Oh, yes.
That cake was worth every single spine.
And speaking of our spiky little friends
that joined me on today's adventure.
We actually did them a big favor
by helping these cholla complete their journey
across the desert.
Grow strong little ones.
And if you enjoyed this challenge,
make sure to head over to the Mark Vins channel
and check out my experiment
to prove, once and for all
who is the spikiest cactus in the West.
Ow! I'm just going to say right now,
it only gets spikier from here.
(soft upbeat music)