WELCOME BACK. >> James: OUR NEXT GUEST IS
A TREMENDOUS STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND NEXT MONTH HIS NEW ALBUM,
"ROCKSTAR" WILL BE AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE.
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT ANDREW
SLEIGHTER. >> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE) >> YEAH.
I TURNED 37 THIS YEAR, I'M ONE OF THOSE GERIATRIC MILLENIALS,
YOU KNOW. YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU LOVE
INSTAGRAM-- YEAH, 37, IT'S TOUGH, MILL EBB YALS, THE WHOLE
PANDEMIC BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE HEALTHIEST GENERATION.
WE'RE OBSESSED WITH HEALTH. WE LOVE KALE AND YOGA AND
SMOOTHIES BUT WE'RE ALSO THE LEAST HEALTHY FINANCIALICALLY,
RIGHT, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A BROKER GENERATION AND THERE IS A
BAD COMBINATION WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
LIKE I'M GOING TO LIVE TO BE 1120 YEARS OLD WITH ROOMMATES.
YOU KNOW, STEALING SOMEBODY'S HULU PLUS PASSWORD, THAT IS NOT
GOING TO IT BE A GREAT LIFE. THERE SHOULD BE A WARNING ON
EVERY BOTTLE OF VITAMINS SAYING IF YOU ARE NOT CURRENTLY
CONTRIBUTING TO AN IRA, DO NOT TAKE THESE.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE FOREVER. BUT I FIGURED IT IT OUT.
HERE IS HOW I WILL GET RICH. I WILL CREATE AN APP THAT IS
CONSTANTLY COMPARING YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH TO YOUR
FINANCIAL HEALTH AND THEN IT TELLS YOU HOW TO LIVE.
RIGHT? SO YOU GET A NEW JOB WITH
BENEFITS, OKAY, HEY, MAYBE CUT OUT RED MEAT, START EXERCISING,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LIVE FOR. BUT IF YOU ARE A COMEDIAN DURING
A PANDEMIC, THAT WILL DING AND GO HEY, EVER TRY SMOKING?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY. BUT NO, IT WAS A SCARY TIME
BECAUSE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SHUTDOWN, FOR EVERYBODY, I HAD
ONE WEEK WHERE MY WIFE GOT LAID OFF, ALL MY GIGS GOT CANCELLED
AND WE FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGNANT.
THAT WAS ONE WEEK. SO I IMMEDIATELY GOT TO WORK.
I STARTED GOOGLING HOW DO YOU GET MONEY FOR FREE.
AND A LOT OF ARTICLES OUT THERE. YOU KNOW WHAT IT MOSTLY WAS,
ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO IN AN ECONOMIC EMERGENCY, THEY WROTE A
LOT ABOUT THAT AT TIME BUT WRITTEN FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
ALREADY GOOD WITH THEIR MONEY. EVERY ARTICLE IS LIKE HEY, DON'T
TAKE MONEY OUT OF YOUR RETIREMENT, YOU KNOW.
INSTEAD, WITHDRAW SOME MONEY FROM YOUR EMERGENCY FUND.
OH YEAH SLASM MY EMERGENCY FUND, ISN'T IT IN THE BACKYARD OR
SOMETHING, DIDN'T WE BURY AN EMERGENCY FUND.
MAYBE ECONOMIC ADVICE WE NEED IS FOR PEOPLE BAD WITH THEIR MONEY,
LIKE HEY, DON'T PUT ALL YOUR BILLS ON CREDIT CARD, INSTEAD
HEE IS A LIST OF TEN UNGUARDED CONSTRUCTION SITESES YOU CAN
STEAL COPPER WIRE FROM. OKAY.
THAT ONE IS BY MY HOUSE, I WILL HIT IT ON THE WAY HOME.
SO YEAH, I WAS SO DESPERATE I EVEN LOOKED FOR JOBS.
(LAUGHTER) YEAH, DON'T WORRY, DID NOT COME
TO THAT BUT I LOOKED. THAT IS VERY ANNOYING, LOOKING
FOR A JOB. THE WAY THEY WRITE THESE
DESCRIPTIONS OF WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR IN AN APPLICANT IS
SO CONDESCENDING. EVERY JOB REQUIRES TO YOU BE,
DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE JOB S A ROCKSTAR, WE NEED A REAL
ROCKSTAR. WE NEED AN ROCKSTAR HR, IS THAT
YOU WHAT WANT, REALLY. REALLY?
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE BEHAVIORS OF ROCKSTARS?
I DON'T THINK THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.
YEAH, WE WANT SOMEONE THAT SHOWS UP THREE HOURS LATE, DANGEROUSLY
HIGH. SOMEONE WHO HAS SEX WITH
EVERYBODY AND TRASHES THE BREAK ROOM, YOU KNOW, A REAL ROCKSTAR,
WHEN THINGS GET BORING THEY WILL BITE THE HEAD YOU HAVE OFF A
PIGEON, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR.
BUT THAT IS NOT-- THEY THINK THAT IS WHAT WE WANT TO BE,
RIGHT T IS SO-- HAS THAT EVER WORKEDDED ON ANY-- I MEAN NOT
YU, REGGIE, BUT HAS THAT EVER WORKED ON ANY OF YOU.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TRICKED IN YOUR JOB TO THINKING YOU ARE
ACTUALLY A ROCKSTAR. OH MAN, I GOT 13 BOWSER TABS
OPEN RIGHT NOW. JUST LIKE KEITH RICHARDS, ALL
RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY.
(APPLAUSE). >> James: ANDREW SLEIGHTER,
EVERYBODY, HIS ALBUM ROCKSTAR IS OUT SOON.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.