(audience cheering)
- Oh, please.
Please.
Continue your applause, please.
(audience applauding)
That's right.
That's why I pick this job it starts
with applause.
Come on.
Wouldn't you love your job
if you got there
and they applauded you?
No matter what you did,
like what do you do?
- I'm a voice teacher.
- A voice teacher?
Could you imagine that?
1,000 voices coming back at you.
What's your name?
Suri.
Everybody say, hey, Suri.
- Hey, Suri.
- Be like give it up for Suri
teaching us about our voices.
(audience applauding)
See, you would love your job.
And there's some people out there
that got some crappy jobs.
Evidently they need some applause.
Fast food workers.
Yeah.
But I got a problem with them,
my problem is,
why do you have an attitude
as soon as I pull up?
(audience laughing)
Like let me do something
to offend you first.
Like, let's keep this equitable.
But I saw the funniest sign
the other day.
The sign was supposed to say
"now hiring closers."
But the "C" had fell off.
(audience laughing)
I'll wait for those of you
that didn't graduate.
(audience laughing)
"Now hiring losers."
(audience laughing)
It was a big line of people too,
like, finally.
(audience laughing)
I told you.
What are you doing?
(audience laughing)
But the reason I don't like KFC
is because the people that work
there in the drive-thru
are so lazy that they don't even
speak to us when we pull up.
Do you realize this?
You in the drive-thru.
They don't speak to us.
They have a voice recording.
Like how lazy are you that you can't
speak to me in the drive-thru?
And the thing that messed me up
about the voice recording is it
was a girl on it sounding good.
She was all smooth and sexy.
She was like, "hi, welcome to KFC.
"Would you like to try
"our new eight-piece meal
"original recipe, which includes
"biscuits, gravy, coleslaw, and
"quit playing, mashed potatoes.
"For the low, low, low price
"of $11.99."
No, thank you.
"All right then, go ahead
"with your order."
(audience laughing)
That's some chicken you can keep.
That's the devil.
(audience laughing)
And ladies, stop making it hard out
here for single fellas.
Fellas, you ever do this?
You have a pull up at the light,
and this just for the single men,
first of all, all married men
make some noise.
Married men.
(audience cheering)
Right.
Look at that strong clap.
They practiced at home.
She was like, "they're going to ask
"you all questions,
"you practice clapping."
All the single fellows make
some noise.
(audience cheering)
You all sound
like a crackhead choir.
What is this?
(audience laughing)
There's no unity at all.
We got the voice teacher, she going
to help you out later.
(audience laughing)
So fellas, you ever pull up
at the light
next to a beautiful woman?
You get ready to say something
to her, then her man sit up
in the passenger seat.
You're like, "hey, girl.
"Could you tell me
"how to get downtown?
"Bro.
"Oh, tell him to sit up next time."
I'm at the red light with him,
don't look.
Don't look.
The Lord is my shepherd.
You know when you get in trouble,
you'll start quoting scriptures.
If you don't know that many,
you'll start saying anything
that sound religious.
"Woo, my shepherd is the Lord.
"Oh Lord, I need a German shepherd.
"Jesus wept.
"Holy Bible.
"Merry Christmas.
"King James Sunday."
It's funny to me.