Hey there, it's Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now, this video is in a series of videos on very specific things that people experience
with their exes when trying to get back together that caused a lot of frustration, that caused
a lot of difficulty.
Okay, and so in this particular video we're going to be talking about when your ex starts
dating right away or when your ex is with someone new.
Now, oftentimes a lot of people can take situations like this and say, Oh hey, you know, my ex
was somebody new.
I just need to bow out and to respect the relationship and that's all fine.
You know, if you truly believe that, then that is absolutely fine and that is absolutely
respectable.
But here is something to think about.
If you truly believe that you and your ex would be better off together than you would
be a part.
If you truly believe that you and your ex could form a great relationship that would
benefit them better than the relationship that they may be have with some rebound partner
or somebody else, then don't you at least owe them the opportunity to choose to be with
you, to choose to have that relationship, to choose to have that better outcome.
Now, I'm not saying you need to ,you know, nefariously go there and destroy another relationship
or break up a marriage or anything like that.
But if you truly believe that they would be better off with you, then I think that you
at least owe them the opportunity to make that choice for themselves rather than to
make that choice for them by just giving them no choice.
Right?
If, on the other hand, you don't think that they'd be better off with you, if you don't
think that there'd be happier with you.
If you think that they'll be worse off being in a relationship with you, then yeah, you
know, maybe maybe you should back off and let them enjoy their new relationship.
But when your ex is dating somebody new, when your ex is dating somebody right away after
the breakup, you need to understand that there's probably something psychological going on
there that's very common with rebound relationships and that is called displacement.
Oftentimes when people get into a relationship directly after ending a previous relationship,
they tend to speed that relationship up very quickly so that it sort of looks like the
previous relationships, so they might elevate it to certain levels of commitment that were
similar to the levels of commitment that maybe they had with you.
So for example, maybe it took the two of you, I don't know, six months a year to move in
together, but they're moving in together after only a couple of weeks.
What's going on there?
Right?
Is it because their love is true and it means something more than yours did?
No, not really.
It's simply that they're just displacing onto the new relationship, the sense of commitment
and the sense of closeness that they had with you.
But then just moving that onto the new relationship.
So the new relationship kind of looks like the relationship that they had with you in
that respect.
They aren't really even having a relationship with this new person.
They're really having a relationship with you, but you're not in the relationship.
They're actually having a relationship with a different person, but it's really a relationship
with you.
How's that for a weird, by the way, and when it comes to your ex being in a rebound relationship
when it comes to dating somebody new, I want you to know that there is a very powerful
strategy that you can actually use in order to get back together with your ex.
And this strategy is called the decoy strategy.
And how this works is the human brain actually has a very difficult time discerning between
two very different things.
You know, is it better for me to date this woman or is it better for me to date this
woman?
I don't know.
They're probably very different, right?
But if it comes to situations like this, I could choose one or the other, one or the
other.
Who knows?
Who knows what I'm going to choose.
Right?
But if you know, say if there was a third option insert in there that was very similar
to one of the other options, then my mind starts to shift away from the different option
and suddenly I start to compare these two similar things and so that's where the decoys
effect really comes into play.
If you can really differentiate yourself from the person that your ex broke up with, the
version of you that your ex broke up with, then they are going to see and start to focus
in on the difference between the current year versus the year they broke up with to the
exclusion of their rebound partner.
Okay.
And this is important, which is why it's absolutely important to demonstrate to your ex that they
would not be walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place
if they were to get back together with you.
That's why often things like passive, no contact don't work.
That's why things like mind games don't work.
You have to make a real substantial, meaningful difference in the dynamic between the two
of you.
If you are going to actually demonstrate to them and show them that they are not walking
back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place and really
inspire a sense of trust for them to want to get back together with you, so if your
ex is in a rebound relationship, if your ex is dating somebody new, then what you want
to do is you want to leverage the decoy effect so that they can absolutely see that there
is a benefit and getting back together with you and absolutely they will more likely choose
you.
Then the rebound partner because of that psychological phenomenon called the decoy effect.
Okay, so once again, this has been Clay with modern love, that life.
If you've liked this video and you're watching this video over on our website, modern law
of adult life, and you want to know how to get back together with your ex, even if they
are dating somebody new, please go ahead and click down below and you'll be taken over
to a page.
They'll tell you more about how to really leverage the decoy strategy and build positive
emotional connections with your ex so that you can stand head and shoulders above the
person that they are dating right now, but more importantly so that you can stand head
and shoulders above the version of you that they broke up with so that they are much more
likely to choose you in the long run.
Um, if you're watching this video over on youtube, but what you can do is you can go
down into the description below, click on a link that'll take you over to our website
relationship, inner game.com, where you can just fill out a quick, painless, 32nd little
survey, uh, just kind of about some of the more specific details of your breakup and
your relationship.
Once I know a little bit more about what you're going through specifically, I'll send you
some advice, strategies and tips tailored to what you have told me and the survey.
Um, so again, that's over down below@relationshipinnergame.com.
So yeah, if you've liked this video, please go ahead and give it a lake.
Go ahead and subscribe to this channel and please go ahead and leave a comment down below
letting me know what sorts of videos you'd like to see me make in the future.
Anyway, this has been quite with modern loved out life and this has been relationship in
her game and I will see you in our next video.
Please take care.