Heya playa, have you ever been called a Simp before? Don't worry, it's a new word for an
old concept. And I'm gonna tell you right now, when I was younger I used to be a Simp
and I want to teach you exactly what you need to do to make sure you don't end up like one
as well. This is The Josh Speaks. You're watching The Josh Speaks. For those of you that are
new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos sharing tips, ideas, and
stories teaching you how to be your best self. So, if you want to learn and grow, hit the
subscribe button and make sure to click on the notification bell. Before we get into
what you should do, let's first understand what a Simp is. Now, Urban Dictionary defines
it as "a man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in the hopes of winning
them over, without the female bringing anything to the table." Now, this is an important definition
to think about because you're putting yourself completely out there with no intention of
getting anything back from the other person, no love, no care, no kindness only their flat
out attention. And that really leads to the first point here which is to never approach
a relationship with no end in sight. If you like that person if you want to build something
out with them, think about what that process will look like. Think about what the qualifying
steps are for you to actually go out with them. A lot of times people have this general
attraction towards someone and they know they want to be physically intimate with them and
potentially date them but they haven't really thought all those steps through. What would
be the qualifiers for you to want to date this person? What would be the disqualifiers?
What is it that you're looking for in a relationship and do they match up to that? Now you might
be thinking, Josh I really just want to hook up with them, I'm not looking for a relationship
or thinking much deeper than that. But the problem with only focusing on the hook up
is that eventually feelings will get introduced, whether they're on their side or your side.
And when you start to have feelings for them, your attitude and actions are definitely going
to change. And this leads to the second scenario that you want to avoid. If you feel like you're
stuck in a push-pull battle with them just for their attention, you need to just stop.
So what exactly does a push-pull scenario look like? Well, let me paint a few pictures
for you. Let's say you go out of your way to walk your crush home because you want to
show them how special they are to you or you buy them a gift because they mean the world
to you and you want them to know it. Or you're willing to sit there and listen to them vent
about other people that they like because you want to show them how much you really
care. All these actions involve that person giving you their attention but what happens
when they stop giving you attention? What happens when they don't respond to your messages?
Or don't contact you for a few days? Or pretend like they don't really know you that well
when they see you in person? If you feel like you're stuck in this constant rat race of
having to do things just to maintain that person's attention, you need to stop. Because
I'm going to lay out the simple truth for you. By doing those things over and over,
you're not gonna just turn on a switch and get them to start liking you. If they like
you they're gonna wanna spend more time with you. They're gonna talk to you, they're gonna
show that level of interest. You're not just gonna win them over eventually by getting
little blips of their attention here and there. And I know you're probably thinking "But Josh,
I'm playing the long game. If I continue to show them that I like them, eventually they're
going to see that I'm the right person for them" and that's just simply not how it works.
Attraction is something that can build up over time but if you think by doing these
little things to gain brownie points is gonna get you over the hill for that attraction
it's not gonna happen. And when it comes to attraction, this is the third huge mistake
that I see a lot of guys make that end up classifying them in the Simp category. Make
sure to outline the qualities you like about that person beyond just physical attraction.
Yes, they're super hot... and? What else is there that you like about them? So many people
just focus on that first characteristic that they never try to look deeper into that person
to see if the two of you will really connect. Relationships generally start at the attraction
level and move on into the connection level so think deeper about what you like about
that person. Do you have similar interests and hobbies as them? Do you have the same
type of goals moving forward in life? Do you come from the same background or the same
values? Do you have the same sense of humor? Think beyond just "hurr hurr you're hot" because
that's only going to take you so far with them. If they see that you're only chasing
them for their physical appearance, they're not gonna look deeper in you just like you're
not looking deeper in them. And look, I get it. It's not easy to do. If you find yourself
simping after a girl, maybe you're too afraid to ask them out, maybe you're too afraid to
learn more about them, maybe you find it very easy and comfortable to stay in the position
that you're in but if you don't move forward with them, if you don't try to build something,
if you don't try to learn more about beyond just that attraction level, you're gonna stay
in this position forever and is that really what you want? Trust me on this, I've seen
people simp after girls, I've seen people with oneitis, in fact, I've been there myself.
In fact, I'm gonna link up a video right over here telling you exactly what my experience
was like with a girl that I was a simp for, check it out but I want to lead you to the
fourth point here because this is an incredibly crucial one for anyone that finds themselves
in that simping position for someone that they like. Now chances are you spend a lot
of time staring at their pictures on social media, watching their stories, scrolling through
their Tik Toks, just obsessed with any little bit about them that you can grab and this
is the fourth thing that you need to start doing. Set boundaries for yourself. That might
mean blocking them or muting them or communicating with them through one platform and that is
texting. Something where you can't be consumed by the things that they're posting. This point
is easier said than done because you may agree with the philosophy of what I'm saying but
when it comes to actually practicing it you're probably just gonna overlook that advice and
keep following them, keep looking at their stuff and just keep wondering why your situation
isn't changing. Listen, I'm going to be straight with you here. If you find yourself scrolling
through their pages multiple times a day, you're no longer living for yourself. You're
just living for them and any attention you can get from them. You need to start focusing
on your own self-growth, your passion, your hobbies, the things you like to do. Because
when you can start to figure out who you are, that's what you bring to the table and when
you interact with that person that you like, you're no longer clamoring for their attention,
you're showing them why they should care about you. I'm curious though, what do you think?
Do you find yourself simping after people that you like and wanting to get their attention
but just falling short of actually turning it into a relationship? Let me know what you
think, leave a comment down below. I wanna give a huge shoutout to my patrons and YouTube
channel members, these are the people that help the channel grow so if you wanna learn
how you can talk to me one on one every single month, check out the link to Patreon down
below. Also what I want you to do is to check out the video listed over there on the side.
It's gonna teach you how to get out of that friend zone. How to develop the confidence
you need to actually go up to the person that you like. Check out those resources and I'll
catch you next time. As always, love and peace.