(upbeat music)
- I performed on a cruise recently 'cause things are tough.
(laughs)
Cruises are for garbage people, that's it.
My mother takes them.
I don't care.
They're for monsters.
The only response to, will you take a cruise with me?
is to never speak to that person again.
(laughter)
I didn't even know what a cruise was.
It's a floating buffet.
That is all it is.
It's a floating buffet and casino.
It's fucking like Atlantic City broke off
and floated into the ocean with every degenerate.
The level of fat on a cruise is confusing.
I could have been a personal trainer on this boat.
Why are we on a boat?
That's a great question no one can fucking answer.
Nothing about a cruise has anything to do with the water.
None of these people can swim.
Thank you guys so much you've been a lot of fun.
God bless you.
(upbeat jazz music)
- [Ferry Operator] Please place all trash in the receptacles
provided throughout the ferry.
Thank you for riding the Staten Island Ferry.
- Excuse me, are you a comedian?
- Yeah, what'd you see me on Red Eye?
- No, you just have that look like you'd be funny.
- Yeah, well we better hope so.
I'm on my way to a show right now.
- My brother was a comedian.
- Yeah, How's he doin'?
- He's good, he was on The Tonight Show.
He almost sold his show to Comedy Central.
He's like the funniest person I've ever met.
- That's wild.
What happened?
- I think he lost it, with the pressures, traveling,
people being really interested in you one minute,
and then the next not caring at all.
- Yeah, it's called the grind.
- He was just torn between his family and success.
Like, he resented them.
They were just an obstacle.
You know, and that's just why he up and left one day.
Totally abandoned them.
You know, and they couldn't even pay their bills,
and they had to live in a car.
And then he came back and he stole that car.
- There's no greater feeling than getting on that stage.
- Sure, but he deserted his family.
Like, what kind of person does that?
- A hilarious one.
You got a clip?
I mean
- Yeah, here.
- Great.
- Make sure you turn it up.
(laughter)
- The potato chip thing is fuckin' gold!
- So true.
- This guy should've been a household name.
I mean I fuckin' hate this business.
He should've been doing arenas.
Where is he now?
- I don't know, I think he's on the run.
- Well if you see him, you tell him to keep going.
- Oh sure, I mean, like he can't stop running.
He's like wanted, wanted.
- I don't mean that, I mean comedy.
Keep going, he has it.
Stay the course.
Tunnel vision.
Focus.
- I guess but I get so upset thinking about
how he forced his family into poverty and homelessness.
- That potato chip bit is one of the best I've ever seen.
- She and the kids are fucked up now!
- Oh, come on!
- He's a really troubled guy.
- He's a really funny guy.
God bless him.
Those kids have a great story.
That's all that matters.
- Eh, I guess you just gotta do what you gotta do.
- Potato chips.
(laughs)
- Right?
- So funny.
- So good.
- [Ferry Operator] Please check
and make sure that you have all belongings
(chill music)
- Good evening folks, hope you're enjoying your meal.
We've got a very special treat for you tonight.
Let's give it up for our act, Tim Dillon.
(clapping)
- Give it up for Joe, everybody.
Keep it going.
Where you guys from?
- [Audience Member] Here
- Here, Staten Island.
I love comin' here.
Staten Island is the worst place in New York City
and you know that because you have to take
a boat to get here and it's free.
(laughter)
Everywhere in the city is three dollars to go up the block.
That's a 30 minute boat ride.
They're like, yeah, this one's on us.
This is true, if you've been on the Staten Island Ferry,
You know they don't even dock it.
They just crash it into the other side of Staten Island.
Everybody wakes up from the dream of
the life they wish they were living.
You pass the Statue of Liberty
but you're going in the wrong direction.
It's like a bunch of immigrants came
to The New World and were like,
eh it's alright but I like sauce.
(laughter)
(upbeat music)