Well. Hi. You're so young . . .
Congrats on that . . .
Hi graduates, parents, faculty . . . President Stenger.
Thank you so much for having me here and most of all . . .
Congratulations . . . graduating Class of 2015. (Clapping!)
Wow! I actually curled my hair this morning. You'll never know . . .
Um. I am just . . . I am honored and I am shocked to have been asked to speak to you today . . .
I understand there has been an illustrious line of keynote speakers in Binghamton University's history . . .
Senators, captains of industry . . . journalists.
I was on the Man Show in 2003 . . .
Does that count? I'm an actor . . . What possible life was just . . . Thank you, oh thank you. (Cheering).
That better be the Theater Department.
Um. What life wisdom could I possible give you?
You know, I'm a character actress in her mid-30's/late-20's.
Late 30's tops!
Um. Shall I regale you with a story?
Like the time I was catering the Oscars in 1999.
While I was cleaning up a leaking garbage bag, I slipped and fell on my back . . .
As the crowd behind me cheered.
They weren't cheering for me . . . Gweneth Paltrow was jogging out of the building holding her Oscar.
So, here's the bigger picture. I worked hard for 15 years and then I booked one of the hundreds of auditions I go out on . . .
and wallah!
I am standing in front of you.
People ask me about the job and that audition, but I want to talk to you about the 15 years before that.
Because those are the years that made me who I am.
And, four of those years, I spent here . . .
this incredible University.
This stormy . . . (not today!) quirky, beautiful city.
I was an English major because that was a decision that freaked out my parents a little less, than declaring myself a theater major.
I worked hard. I made amazing friendships that last to this day.
My freshman roommate is over there watching right now. Um. Yes.
I wore pajama bottoms in public.
And, if was a nice occasion, I would peg them at the bottom.
And, then I wondered where the boys were at? Where are they? What's their problem?
They can't find their way to Lehman Hall?
What's going on?
Yeah.
When I graduated in 1992, the economy was booming, so I decided to become an actor.
So, that is my advice. No matter what you plan now, cancel it and get into show business.
Good night and Godspeed!
Let's go to brunch! (Cheering!)
I'm sorry. I just wanted to scare your parents. (Laughing)
Now, you may have been told some statistics that might scare you off, of pursuing your passion.
Well, here's the truth . . . The world needs you.
You are smart and hard-working and so young and energetic, I want to drink your blood, but don't worry, I won't.
Even though I'm so old and anemic.
Um. And, the statistics aren't so daunting, by the way.
Forbes Magazine reports, that there's quote, "Great news for students who will be graduating with bachelor's degrees."
Hiring for new graduates is expected to jump by 16 percent, this year.
Yeah. And, there's plenty more good news where that came from, but I didn't bother to get the statistics . . .
because . . . actor. Ha, ha, ha!
Back when I graduated in 1992, I typed out term papers on a borrowed word processor.
And, our mascot was the colonial.
Well, you all grew up with the Internet.
And, we're the Bearcats now.
Now that is an improvement from the guy in the tricorn hat, to a creature that is half bear, half cat.
That's fierce.
I just don't know how it works. Is it the power of the bear, with the fact of a cat?
It doesn't matter. It's just awesome.
Do yourselves a favor though and don't look up "bearcat" on urban dictionary.
I did it for you . . . don't do it.
Now, I may be a fossil, but I do have some expertise that pertains to you.
I have gone on hundreds of auditions, therefore, I have gone on hundreds of jobs interviews and here's what I have to say about them.
Go on a lot of them. Bump into walls. Say the wrong things.
Say the right things. Hone your resume.
After I moved to LA, my parents would ask, "What exactly are you doing with your time, Stephanie?"
And, I would say, "My job is auditioning."
And, I know that sounded strange to them, not to mention that it's a particularly low paying kind of a job.
But. with auditions, ads and interviews, you have to get better and better at it, so when it is your chance to book a job . . .
that is make or break, or it's the one that you are meant to get, you are relaxed and you are just better.
And, that only comes from doing a 100 of them.
In my case, some of my auditions were great; some were bad. Some, I had a cold; some I wanted it so much, it was creepy.
Here's a pro-tip, don't hug your interviewer.
Some of them, I didn't even think about and I got the part.
The average of it was, I was getting better.
The best advice I could give to anyone is to prepare as best as you possibly can and then show up.
And, dare to be imperfect too.
Being invited to speak here today, is one more thing that helps me to feel successful.
But, make no mistake . . . I'm the same girl who couldn't afford to get her transmission fixed for the twentieth time . . .
So, she wound up driving a car that wouldn't go in reverse for three months.
Now I'm going to tell you a story that will make all of these folks beam with pride.
Even though I could no longer drive in reverse, my parents had made it clear they couldn't help me fix the car . . .
because as they said, "We have our own problems with our cars, Stephanie . . . you figure it out."
So, I figured out that if I could just find a parking spot near a driveway . . . I could like coast in and coast out.
But, if I had an audition at a studio, where your only option is parking in a parking garage . . .
Well, then . . . that required some acting folks.
I'd park, I'd walk to the audition, I'd audition, I'd go back to the car, wait for someone to pass, and then . . . show time!
I'd say, "Oh my God, what the . . ."What the heck?"
"Oh, no! Are you kid . . . m . ? Oh, no, my car won't move."
"Maybe if I . . . I don't know, put it in neutral and you pushed it with your hands."
"Oh my God, it worked!" "Bye!" Rrreoww!
Then, I would drive to my next audition and do the whole sad act, again.
Laugh.
I could laugh about it now, but in those moments, I felt utterly hopeless and afraid.
Those moments never get celebrated. They don't make your parents proud. They don't look good on a resume'.
But, they happen. And, hopefully you learn from them.
If you learn from mistakes . . . the pain will be temporary.
We're in a culture and a country that's obsessed with winners and where oversees winning, as a skill.
If you succeed, you were smart, not lucky.
If you fail . . . well, it's your fault.
Success, failure, win, lose . . . right way, wrong way . . .
I just want to tell you, that is a lie.
All the setbacks, all the dry spells . . . the times you feel all alone with the results of your life decisions and broken transmissions.
That's life! That's a sign that you dared to go outside of your comfort zone, and try.
I want to share with you, one of my favorite inspirational quotes I learned from an improv class . . .
Failure is rampant and important.
Now, I never want to fail again . . . at anything, but those gaps, those cringe-worthy moments . . .
at best, teach you how to be better . . . stronger, tougher, faster . . .
at whatever you want to do.
And, at the very least, they make excellent dinner party stories, folks.
Okay. Last piece of advice before I go look for the bull that was on top of the Vestal Steakhouse. (Laughing)
I hustled for about 15 years, before I booked the job that I have now.
And, if people ever want to ask me about Flo, they usually want a short, fun answer.
But, I feel like I can't answer without describing those 15 years.
Keep in mind, that while you are struggling to make a name for yourself, you also live your life . . .
With family, friends . . . that cat that gets you through your 30's. (Laughter)
His name is Billy.
Whoever you share your heart with . . . protect your personal life and choose the people that you share it with, with care.
Your friends and your work peers may enjoy success, very soon after graduating . . .
Here's the advice . . . And, I'm actually going to give you this piece of advice in my mom voice, 'cause I mean this . . .
"Cheer for them . . . root for them. It will be your turn soon enough.
And, when it is . . . you will absolutely crave the same support, from them.
The only regret I have . . . is when I've compared myself to others or compared myself to where I thought I should be.
Neither of those things is any of my business and it was an enormous waste of time and energy.
Now, about that car I drove . . . the car that wouldn't go in reverse.
That's a good way to think about it . . . Go forward.
Because you literally cannot go back.
And, just . . . you know, keep your transmission fixed.
So, whatever you deal with in life . . . the joys, disappointments, adversity, wave of dizzying success.
Remember this . . .
You are Binghamton University graduates!
You are Bearcats! You are half bear and half cat!
Now, go out and change the world!
Clapping.