why are we afraid to ask for help does this situation sound familiar to you you
find yourself faced with an obstacle challenge or other situation that feels
almost impossible to overcome you know that you can get past it though all you
have to do is ask someone else like a family member friend or loved one to
help you in the end you don't for some reason you decide against asking others
for assistance and continue trying to tough it out on your own have you ever
stopped to wonder why is that why do some people appear to be so afraid to
ask others for help with their problems and instead try to face them alone our
writers here at best you find this a very interesting question so we've
decided to unpack it and search for any possible answers but before we get into
that you know what really helped us if you were to subscribe to our channel and
click that notification bell to stay in the loop on all of our latest videos and
stories now on to the big question why do some people find it so hard to ask
others for help after all it seems to go against anything that would make sense
why would anyone choose to struggle alone instead of reaching out to others
who can possibly provide some help and assistance with whatever the first
person was trying to accomplish well as it turns out the answer to this question
may have something to do with our psychology according to dr. Joan
Rosenberg an expert in emotional mastery we may have become conditioned to
believe that asking for help is to be perceived as either a burden or a sign
of emotional weakness in her article on the subject for Psychology Today dr.
Rosenberg writes this we are inherently social beings yet most people who have
grown up in an individualistic culture like the United States are often raised
with the belief that relying on others and asking for help is a burden to the
other and makes you seem emotionally weak despite these views there is
ultimately very that any of us can do to succeed fully
on our own even if that is hard to acknowledge dr. Rosenberg argues that we
need to be able to balance our individual needs for both independence
as well as dependence rather than leaning too hard into one over the other
in other words we should recognize our need to be alone in order to pursue and
accomplish individual goals and motivations but we should also recognize
when it's necessary for us to be with others as well as when it's necessary to
ask others to help with a goal our emotional strength should be defined by
our ability to not only act independently but also to know when it's
time to look for others to assist us and being confident and comfortable enough
with ourselves to ask for it according to Rosenberg asking for help is not a
burden nor a sign of weakness it's a sign of humaneness another reason that
someone might be afraid to ask others for help is due to the fear of rejection
the fear of asking for help only to be denied or told no can put a lot of
stress and social pressure on the person doing the asking and it can be easy to
internalize this rejection and feel as though the reason the other person said
no has something to do with us directly but we should remember that it doesn't
have to be this way Lori line wind a psychotherapist
counselor and hypnotherapist had this to say in her article for good therapy
being told no does not have to be awful we do not have to weave a story and
personalize the rejection it may be that the person we chose to ask didn't have
the appropriate resources to help us at the time it's best to accept the no as
an answer to our request not a negation of ourselves a no tells us not to waste
any more time and energy asking this particular person and guides us closer
to someone who will say yes in other words if you ask someone to help and
then they say no they're not to take it personally it could just mean that they
don't have anything to offer at that moment that can help you with your
particular problem and it has nothing to do with you as a person instead of
getting hung up over the rejection move on and continue asking for help until
you find someone can and will provide assistance with
your problem doctor line one tells us that there are three things that we can
gain by asking others for help firstly it gives us the ability and
opportunity to move forward allowing us to solve whatever problems we are faced
and become more productive secondly we gain the ability and opportunity to
collaborate allowing us to share both advice and admiration with people we are
helping or are helping us last but not least asking for help gives us the
ability and opportunity to learn and develop new approaches and strategies
based on the kind of help that we receive this way we don't only receive
assistance in solving problems and overcoming obstacles but we also create
new avenues and opportunities to help others and in turn be helped in the
future of course even if you already know and recognize all of these things
it can still be difficult to actually ask someone for help this is especially
true if you happen to be an introvert because introverts commonly get their
energy from being alone and having time to themselves asking for help can
require them to explain things and ask and answer questions with other people
all of which can prove to be very emotionally draining under some
circumstances even in situations where you know that asking for help is the
right course of action the actual act of well asking someone to help and still
prove to be a daunting task for some people so how can we potentially fix
this problem well one way in which we can make asking for help a better
experience is by stopping to evaluate the way in which we ask and potentially
changing our strategy when it comes to asking for assistance in her book Mayday
asking for help in times of need writer and founder of Bouchard executive
coaching M Nora Claver offers ways in which we can rephrase our requests or
help in ways that are much more mutually comfortable for both parties flavour
writes this most people have never been taught how to ask properly so we do it
badly sometimes using guilt and blackmail we solicit pity when we
want assistance or we ask the wrong person we might have felt humiliated
doing it in the past so we fear doing it in the future instead of using these
unhealthy approaches to ask for help Claver suggests that we instead focused
on being straightforward examine our options closely make your request for
help in person and privately pay attention to the other person's cues and
to always think others for their assistance by keeping these strategies
in mind you can do your part to make sure that asking for help is as pleasant
of an experience as possible both for you yourself as well as for the
person you have chosen to seek help from after all you wouldn't want someone else
to try and get help from you in an unpleasant or disrespectful way so
asking in a way that is both respectful and fully expresses your gratitude
ensures that the other person knows that their efforts to help you are being
fully appreciated when you find yourself faced with a difficult or challenging
situation the simple act of asking another person for help might not always
feel like the obvious solution whether it's due to a fear of appearing weak or
burdensome the fear of being rejected or simply a fear of the emotional drain
from the act of asking there are a number of factors which may cause a
person to hesitate when it comes to requesting assistance in times like
these all you need to do is remember that the act of asking for help does not
need to be as unpleasant of an experience as some might make it seem as
long as you recognize that there's no shame in appearing vulnerable if there
is nothing emotionally weak about seeking help from others and that there
are ways to ask others to help that can make your experience less of a pain you
should have no problems with achieving the things that you need to achieve and
in turn you may also be given new opportunities for collaboration learning
and personal growth as well was this video helpful to you what are some other
techniques or approaches that you can think of that can make it easier for
people to ask others for help if you have anything you'd like to share go
ahead and let us know in the comment section below enjoyed this video hit the
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