[ringing]
JESSIE: Helloooo? JAMES: Who is it?
JESSIE: *gasp* JAMES: *gasp* Is it the Boss?! Don’t pick up, I still need to exfoliate!
JESSIE: I already picked up, JAMES -
JESSIE: Hello, Boss!
GIOVANNI: This is the Boss.
JAMES: Eep! GIOVANNI: Jessie. … James.
JESSIE: We are SO glad you wanted to talk to us, sir!
JAMES: It is an HONOR to have a one-one with the most TALENTED...
JESSIE: POWERFUL... JAMES: HANDSOME...
GIOVANNI: Stop fooling around and listen up.
GIOVANNI: It was brought to my attention that your team has been giving the financial department some… complications.
JESSIE: The financial department? What do you mean?
JAMES: Is it Troy? We went out for ONE round of Squirtle Shots
and now he won't stop blowing up my phone - I TOLD him -
GIOVANNI: We don't have time for this. You've ignored every warning, double warning,
and triple warning the department has sent you, and now it's become my problem.
JESSIE: Warnings? JAMES: We haven't received any warnings.
GIOVANNI: Your mailbox is full. They can't send any more.
JESSIE (to James): Have you been checking the mailbox? JAMES (to Jessie): I thought YOU were supposed to check the mailbox!
GIOVANNI: Check the mailbox.
JAMES: I'll be right back! <3
JESSIE: Um... so...
How is it over at Headquarters, Boss? Has the weather been pleasa-
GIOVANNI: We'll wait for James to return.
JESSIE: Of course.
JESSIE: *nervous humming*
JAMES: Uhhh, Jessie? it seems we did get a few letters from the financial department.
JESSIE: Warning, warning,
double warning, triple warning,
Gardevoir Boudoir Portrait Studio…?
JAMES: These are mine!
JESSIE: Final warning…
GIOVANNI: I should not be the one to remind you that promptly replying to Headquarters communication
is a bare minimum responsibility as a member of Team Rocket.
JESSIE: Yes, yes, yes of course, Boss! It was truly a rare, unprecedented mistake on our side.
We take our jobs VERY seriously -
JAMES: Oh, I look AMAZING in these –
JAMES: My photos!
GIOVANNI: Open the letter.
JESSIE: Of course!
JESSIE (reading letter): 'Dear Valued Team Rocket Grunt, This is your final warning. Your claims have been denied.
Your expenses have not been covered nor reimbursed by the Team Rocket Financial Department.
Urgent action is required. Pay in full immediately. Your itemized invoice is attached.'
JESSIE: Boss, I think there's been a mistake, this can't be for us!
GIOVANNI: The bank statement for your team is egregious.
JAMES: Sir, that simply can't be true.
Everything we buy is essential for the bones of our operation!
GIOVANNI: Is it? What’s that back there?
JESSIE: Our binoculars? We use these every day!
JAMES: There’s a reason they call me the number 1 peeper! 👀
GIOVANNI: Are those... Swarovski Crystals??
JAMES: Yeah?
JESSIE: I thought the Rocket Credit Card was *intended* to be used for necessities!
GIOVANNI: Precisely. Necessities.
JAMES: Yes. Necessities.
JESSIE: Necessities.
GIOVANNI: Necessities, hm?
JAMES: Maybe we could… go over what it means to be a "necessity"?
GIOVANNI: Project materials. Basic shelter. A few Pokeballs, MAYBE.
JESSIE: Well then I think you'll find that everything is in order!
GIOVANNI: PURCHASE NUMBER ONE… $1500 a night at the Pokemon Ritz Slyveon Suite.
JAMES: That was us, yes, yes, yes. You see, the suite was the only one that had jacuzzis.
JESSIE: You DID just say shelter was a necessity.
GIOVANNI: BASIC. SHELTER.
JAMES: Well... we didn't go for the Snorlax Suite! And let me tell you, JESSIE wanted to!
JESSIE: Besides, those twerps that we've been tailing just won't stay in one place!
Dragging us through town after town after TOWN…
We're EXHAUSTED! Our poor muscles are aching!
GIOVANNI: Oh, so is that why you have TWO hour long couples massages listed here?
JESSIE: Well we couldn't get a couples massage TOGETHER… JAMES: 🤢
JAMES: Could you imagine!!?
JESSIE: Now what else could possibly be on that list?
GIOVANNI: A Gucci backpack…
JAMES: Latest season. 😉
GIOVANNI: And a matching lunchbox.
JAMES: We can't store our VALUABLES in something...invaluable!
JESSIE: Plus, it's essential that we uphold the impeccable Team Rocket image!
JAMES (to Jessie): Imagine the embarrassment if we didn't!
JESSIE: Absolutely! And we really don't want to get made fun of.
GIOVANNI: M... MADE FUN OF?? BY WHOM!?
JESSIE & JAMES: Meowth.
JAMES: He is SO judgmental. JESSIE: Mhmm.
GIOVANNI: So was "Meowth" the one that ordered an $800,000 custom-shaped hot air balloon?
JESSIE: Yes! :D
GIOVANNI: A POKEMON. PLACED AN ORDER. WITH THE ROCKET CREDIT CARD?
JAMES: Well... To be fair - and I know it SEEMS like a lot, but let me assure you,
that balloon has already paid for itself tenfold.
JESSIE: It is true. Mode of transport. Storage. Surveillance from the skies...
JAMES: ...ULTIMATE FLAIR WHEN WE'RE APPROACHING OUR ENEMIES!
JESSIE: Now if that's not a necessity, there's clearly some sort of miscommunication going on here...!
JAMES: This is really something we should go over in orientation…
JAMES: Tell Troy -
GIOVANNI: I'm. Not. Done. JESSIE & JAMES: oop-
GIOVANNI: Costumes. Furs.
GIOVANNI: Jewelry. JESSIE: W-w-we had to go undercover!
GIOVANNI: First class transit - I thought the balloon was your mode of transport—!
JAMES: That was the night of the Grunt Gala. It was CRITICAL that we make an appearance.
GIOVANNI: But did you have to take a LIMO?
JESSIE: They didn't have balloon parking!
GIOVANNI: Your opulent lifestyle isn't the only thing that concerns me,
but the things that ARE approved necessities, you're buying in gross excess.
JESSIE, (confused): Excess?
JAMES: What excess?
GIOVANNI: One HUNDRED nets...
JAMES: That's correct.
GIOVANNI: What happened to the first 99?
JESSIE: We fell into them.
GIOVANNI, (disgusted, under his breath): Disgraceful.
GIOVANNI: *clears throat* You understand the repercussions for your actions will be severe.
These are grounds for termination, criminal charges, against a criminal organization, I may add.
At the very least, the first step should be to PERMANENTLY disband your trio.
(Jessie & James gasp)
JESSIE: No, wait!
JAMES: We're sorry! We'll only buy necessities, we promise!
GIOVANNI: I don't believe you know what a necessity is.
JAMES: No, no! We do, we do! From now on, only life in moderation!
*knock at the door*
WAITRESS, cheerily: Room service!
*panik*
JESSIE: Oh, excuse me!
JESSIE: Oh, you know what? I am SO sorry, Boss! Just... apologies.
Deepest apologies!
*attempts to press mute button*
JAMES, opening door off-screen: Hello…!
WAITRESS: Hello there! I have two orders of lobster tail curry,
Qwilfish caviar, Spicy Lickitung Sushi,
an order of Supreme PokePuffs, and one chocolate moomoo milk!
JESSIE: Oh perfect, thank you! JAMES: I'm starrrrving
WAITRESS: And we can put that on the card?
JESSIE: Ab-so-lutely!
WAITRESS: Just let us know if you need anything else!
JAMES: I'll put it on the side so the Boss won't see! Although food is a NECESSITY…
JESSIE: After this, we'll have to be more careful…!
JAMES: Not the Gucci though, right? JESSIE: Oh no, you know what we always say...
JESSIE & JAMES: Beauty before duty!
(both laughing)
JESSIE: *gasp*
GIOVANNI: You aren't on mute.
JESSIE: Boss... we-
GIOVANNI: I'm issuing you new equipment. You're returning everything. Now.
My associate will be at your door momentarily.
*knocking at the door*
JAMES: Who is it???
JAMES: Ugh, Troy!!! Did you have to send TROY!?
TROY, off-screen: Good to see you, James. You're looking… saucy.
JAMES: Ugh, baby, I know.
JESSIE: You're taking everything?
TROY: Hand it over.
JESSIE: Wait just one minute, we use all of these things!
Here. Maybe you can have these!
JAMES: Oh really, Jessie? Really? My decorative egg collection?
You want to talk about useless, here - take her fur muffler!
JESSIE: I knew you never liked me in that.
TROY: What’s THAT?
JESSIE: Nothing! Nothing!
TROY: Is that a...
JAMES: Chanel Fire extinguisher! So what if it is!?
TROY: I was actually talking about the - JESSIE: Oh, what!? The Tiffany’s friendship bracelets?
JAMES: You'll never take my sunglasses! These are limited edition!
I pried these from the clutches of a cheap old hag at an estate sale!
JESSIE: That was me.
JAMES: That's what I said.
TROY: Where’s the rest of it!?
JAMES: Definitely...
definitely... not...
in...
the closet.
*Troy opens closet, stuff falls out*
TROY: Oh, Boss... We got it all.
GIOVANNI: Good.
GIOVANNI: Take it.
JESSIE, (grabbing one of the bags): Oh no you don’t!
JAMES: Jessie... Jessie, let it go.
JAMES: Let it go...
JAMES: OH!
Goodbye, Gucci.
JESSIE: Well...
that's really everything…
GIOVANNI: The card.
JAMES: Oh, I'm not strong enough!
JESSIE: It's done.
GIOVANNI: Excellent. Your new equipment.
JESSIE & JAMES: What...
JESSIE: T- This... This is GARBAGE!?
JAMES: Where's the sparkle?
Where's the bling?
JESSIE: What is this??
JAMES: As your TOP AGENTS, we--
GIOVANNI: You are the worst performing trio of the entire Team Rocket history.
JESSIE & JAMES: oh-
GIOVANNI: I think we're done here.
Try doing your job for once. Pikachu won't capture itself.
JAMES: Oh...
JESSIE: I'm depressed.
JAMES: Don't be, Jessie. I'm going to tell you something that'll make you feel better…!
JESSIE: Oh, I know, I know. I'm still young and beautiful-
JAMES: *psh* No!
iiii swiped this!
JESSIE: *gasp*
😱
P—-platinum card!?
But where did you-
JAMES: It's Troy's!
JESSIE: OH JAMES, YOU DEVIL, YOU DID IT AGAIN!
JAMES: The devil works hard, but Jamesie works harder.
And where would the devil be without his trusty sidekick?
JESSIE: Well, I don't know about "sidekick", but-
Oh, whatever!
JESSIE: Prepare for trouble!
JAMES: And make it double!