I have been doing adult things like I - last November. I voted that was really cool
I did that. I had never done that before which is cool. Thank you. You don't need to clap alright. That's fine
I know it's not that impressive. I went in and went buaa
That's how I vote and then they gave me a sticker then I went
I gotta sticker
That was the whole voting process. I even watched all the debates which I had nev - it was my first season
I had never watched the debates before
I hadn't watched the previous seasons. It was my first season
I picked a weird season to jump in on
(cheering)
I was like "this is what I've been missing this is crazy"
ha ha
It was a weird one. But I'm glad that I watched because like I'll be honest with you guys, I uh
It's good to pay attention because in 2012 I didn't vote for Mitt Romney
Not because I knew any of his politics, but only because he had jet black hair with gray on the sides
And I grew up in the 90s, and that's every villain in every cartoon I grew up watching
And I'm like I can't vote for that guy, he's gonna poison the drinking water and try to kill the Ninja Turtles I can't
I can't have that on my watch
(clapping)
So I watched all the debates
Those debates are so funny. The moderator - I always felt bad for the moderator because everyone kept going over their time
And he kept going "your time is up, your time is up, your time is up"
He said it so many times that to a point, I was like I think he might be talking to the country
(laughing)
Like he's not talking to the candidates. That's a message for us. HEY, your time is up. Head for the hills
Get those canned goods in the four-wheel drive. We're done here
So odd
We voted. My voting situation was weird cause I voted at my neighbor's house
I don't know if that happened anyone else that was my polling place was my neighbor's house
Which kind of took the shine off the proceedings a little bit
My wife and I we just walked out of our house
We walked around the block and my neighbors set it up in his garage
It did not feel official like that is not how you pick the next king, this feels wrong.
I went in there I put my Starbucks on a stack of like empty paint buckets he give me a scan-tron with a sharpie
I went to a booth that was snapped together with cardboard.
I just remember looking at my wife going "I don't think they're counting these"
uhhh
Call me crazy, we're in a garage right now
so bazaar
I didn't just vote for president. I voted on all the propositions. I read most of them
It's a lot of reading. I went in with good intentions. The first third I read every line I was like
Mm-hmm-hmm
informed decision. The next third, I started skimming. There was some skimming that started happening - and in that last third
I was just like yes, yes, no, no, is there a "C"
I remember in high school there was a "C"
if I didn't know
I still thought I did a fine job until we were walking home, my wife is like
"Hey, what did you put for the death penalty", and I was like "oh that was on there"
They should have put that higher up
We messed up in San Diego question one was like, Hey,
Do you want the Chargers to get a new stadium? Number 85, how do you feel about killing people?
(mutters) maybe a little backwards
You have to be careful with the propositions because sometimes you vote stuff in but it doesn't take action for a couple years
like uh we voted to ban plastic bags in uh, in Southern California, maybe all of it. I don't know uhh
But now it kicked in and it's weird now at the grocery store
It's weird out there because I don't have plastic bags anymore, and they sell them for ten cents
And that's what they sell em for now, and I don't know who these people are yelling at the cashiers, but they are so timid
When you walk up you walk up and they go "did you, did you bring your bag?"
(quietly) did ya, did you bring your bag? Did you bring it?
Did you bring your bag, and I go no, no I didn't. That's you guys
I bring money you have food and bags. That's how it, It's been this way for centuries
And then she goes "it's gonna be ten cents per bag." It's gonna be ten cents and I go "okay"
I I had no idea I was filthy rich
Apparently because it's not an issue. Like who are these people just yelling "oh really well then just put it back then"
"I'm taking my business elsewhere". Ten cents isn't slowing me down
But I guess since people have an issue with it the next time at the grocery, I'm at the grocery store
I'm gonna throw a dollar down and I'm gonna go
"hey, hey, hey bags for everybody"
That's gonna be the new makin' it rain
He just came in threw a dollar down and made a tornado motion with his hand
Said bags for, he was like the Oprah of bags "you get a bag, you get a bag everybody gets a bag"
We carried him out like Rudy. He was our champion
So much silliness
It's weird
I had uh, I don't care who you voted for . I'm gonna tell my story anyway.
I, I didn't vote for Trump, and one of my best friends did and we were talking about it
Not yelling just talking like people which is weird nowadays
And he asks me he goes "What are you so scared of" that's what he asked me he asked me
what are you so scared of and I was like, well, that's a weird thing to just narrow down
I guess the biggest thing that scares me is that historically nothing good has ever happened in this country when the rednecks are happy
That's the part that scares me
And I'm not saying that can't change in the next four to eight years. I'm just saying historically that's never been the case
Historically any time a large group of people go "WOO-HOO" that's followed by centuries of the rest of us going "We are so sorry"
Those people are outta line, I apologize
I like it now. It's been a few months so people are more friendly about it
But it got weird there after a while. I blame the internet for that
I blame the internet. Because we argue with people you've never met before. You know it's Facebook has taken things away
You can't have acquaintances anymore. Remember acquaintances? They're people you kind of knew. Hey, his name's Dave
Works at the hardware store. We talk about sports. That's all you knew about Dave, and you like Dave that way
And now you gotta beat Dave's friend on Facebook, and you're like
whoa-hoo
Dave is in the Ku Klux Klan. Uhhh
I had no idea
I thought he just liked the Chargers but no there was more
there was a lot more
Subscribe to Dry Bar Comedy for even more of the world's largest collection of clean comedy