>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
GUEST IS A DMEEDIAN WHO HAS SOLD
OUT SHOWS IN OVER 30 COUNTRIES.
TONIGHT, HE'S MAKING HIS NETWORK
TELEVISION DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME MO AMER!
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> HEY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THIS!
NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS.
MY NAME IS MO AMBER.
MO IS ACTUALLY SHORT FOR
MOHAMMED!
SURPRISE!
FADE'S THE DAY!
IT'S OVER FOR YOU GUYS.
PACK IT UP!
GET THE DOOR!
NO, I'M KIDDING.
LET'S JUST SOAK THAT IN FOR A
SECOND.
IT'S A NEW TRUMP ERA, YOU KNOW.
AND SPEAK OF, I RECENTLY TOOK A
FLIGHT WITH ERIC TRUMP-- NOT ON
PURPOSE.
IT JUST HAPPENED.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO BE
IN THE PLANE.
MIGHT HAVE SHOWED UP ON YOUR
SOCIAL MEDIA FEEDS.
BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING, THE
LADY WHO UPGRADE ME INTO THAT
SEAT WAS CERTAINLY A CLINTON
SUPPORTER, 100%.
( APPLAUSE )
100%.
SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, ERIC TRUMP IS
ON MY FLIGHT?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
OH, THERE'S AN EMPTY SEAT NEXT
TO ERIC, IS THERE?
LET ME ATTACK A LOOK AT THIS
UPGRADE LIST SEE WHO'S WAITING
TO BE UPGRADE.
ON.
>> MOHAMMED MUSTAPHA AMA!
UPGRADE NOW!"
BECAUSE I'VE TAKEN HUNDREDS OF
FLIGHTS AND I'VE NEVER BEEN
GREETED WITH SUCH ENTHUSIASM
PRIOR TO BOARDING AN AIRCRAFT AS
A MOHAMMED FLYING OUT OF NEW
YORK.
HAS NEVER HAPPENED.
I WALK UP TRYING TO SCAN MY
BORDER PASS.
SHE'S LIKE, "GUESS WHO'S BEEN
UPGRADE!
BA-BA."
I WAS LIKE, "WHAT IS THIS, A RAP
BATTLE?"
I WALK INTO THE PLANE, I SEE
WHAT-- I WAS LIKE, IS THAT ERIC
TRUMP?
NO, IT CAN'T BE.
I PUT UP MY BAG, TOOK A SECOND
LOOK, AND SAW HIS NAME ON HIS
SWEATER.
AH, DEFINITELY WAS ERIC.
I KNEW WHAT TO DO NEXT.
I SAT NEXT TO HIM AND SAY SALAM,
ERIC.
HOW YOU DOING?
HOW ARE YOU, MAN?
LIKE, MY NAME IS MOHAMMED.
I'M MUSLIM, AND I CAME HERE AS A
REFUGEE!
WE MADE IT, MAMA!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT WAS FUN.
( APPLAUSE )
I JUMPED RIGHT INTO IT.
I WAS LIKE, "HEY, MAN, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT ALL THE HATE IS ABOUT.
MOHAMMED IS THE MOST POPULAR
NAME IN THE WORLD OKAY?
YOU KNOW WHAT'S FRUSTRATING
ABOUT THAT FACT?
I WENT TO DISNEYLAND THREE
WEEKS AGO, NOT ONE KEY CHAIN
WITH MY NAME ON IT.
NOT ONE PERSON HAS SHARED A
COCA-COLA WITH ME IN AMERICA,
NOT A SINGLE PERSON.
I MUST CONFESS, I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW HOW POPULAR THE NAME WAS
UNTIL I WATCHED THE EGYPTIAN
SOCCER TEAM.
THEY WERE SHOWING A PLAY-BY-PLAY
REQUEST AND THE COMMENTATOR SAID
MOHAMMED HAS THE BALL UPON.
BALL TO MOHAMMED.
MOHAMMED TO MOHAMMED.
MOHAMMED!
THERE'S ONE GUY ON THE TEAM.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
I WAS ACTUALLY BORN IN KUWAIT.
I LEFT KUWAIT AFTER THE FIRST
GULF WAR, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL
IT "THE PREQUEL."
I WENT TO A REAR NICE PRIVATE
BRITISH-ENGLISH SCHOOL.
HAD A HINT OF A BRITISH ACCENT.
I WAS ADORABLE.
HELLO, MOM, DID YOU PACK MY
HUMMUS.
I WALKED MY CHUBBY BUTT TO
SCHOOL.
AND THEN ENDED UP IN HOUSTON,
TEXAS.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M A PROUD TEXAN.
MAN.
WHEN I FIRST GOT THERE, THEY PUT
ME IN E.S.L. CLASS.
WHICH IS ENGLISH AS A SECOND
LANGUAGE CLASS AND I WAS THE
ONLY GUY THAT SPOKE ENGLISH IN
THIS CLASS!
I WALK IN ALM THE KIDS ARE
LOOKING AT ME LIKE OULA, AMIGO.
I WAS LIKE, SORRY?
WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS OTHER GUY
ROLLS UP OUT OF NOWHERE, "YOU'RE
WEIRD, DUDE!
WHY DO YOU TALK LIKE THAT, EH!"
AND THAT WAS MY TEACHER.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
LIKE, HE WAS-- IT WAS DIFFICULT.
( APPLAUSE )
I ENDED UP BECOMING FLUENT IN
SPAIRN.
BECAME FLUENT IN SPANISH BECAUSE
OF AN ENGLISH CLASS.
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE I'M BROWN
AND I SPEAK SPANISH, SO IF
ANYTHING BREAKS OUT I CAN
CAMOUFLAGE AT ANY MOMENT IN
TIME.
IT'S GETTING ROUGH.
START HUNTING ARABS AND MUSLIMS
LIKE-- HEY, BOY!
YOU ONE OF THEM ARABS, HUH?
YOU ONE OF THOSE MUSLIMS?
( APPLAUSE )
I'LL JUST GO TO MEXICO.
I'LL JUST START SELLING FALAFEL
TACOS IN MEXICO.
THAT'S THE EXIT STRATEGY.
( LAUGHTER )
IT TOOK ME, LIKE, 20 YEARS TO
GET MY CITIZENSHIP, 20 YEARS TO
GET MY CITIZENSHIP.
I BELIEVE THAT'S CALLED--
( APPLAUSE )
I BELIEVE THAT'S CALLED EXTREME
VETTING.
IT ALREADY EXISTS.
FOR MANY YEARS, I TRAVELED
WITHOUT A PASSPORT.
THEY GIVE REFUGEES A REFUGEE
TRAVEL DOCUMENT.
ON THE FRONT, IT LOOKS REAL
OFFICIAL "DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND
SECURITY."
MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A COME.
HOWEVER, ON THE INSIDE, IN ALL
CAPS IT SAYS, "THIS IS NOT A
U.S. PASSPORT."
CONFUSES IMMIGRATION OFFICERS
GLOBALLY.
MY FIRST TOUR OUT OF THE COUNTRY
WAS TO GERMANY.
I GET THERE AND THE GUY IS LIKE,
WELCOME TO GERMANY.
I CAN HAVE YOUR PASSPORT
PLEASE?"
I'M LIKE, "YEAH, SURE, HERE YOU
GO."
"LOOK VERY SPECIAL, YA.
OH, NO!
I SAID CAN I HAVE YOUR PASSPORT,
PLEASE?"
I SAID, "HEY, MAN, THAT IS MY
PASSPORT."
"THAT CANNOT BE YOUR PASSPORT.
IT SHOWS HERE IT'S NOT A
PASSPORT.
IT SHOWS YOU WERE BORN IN
KUWAIT.
CAN I HAVE YOUR KUWAIT PASSPORT?
"I SAID I DON'T HAVE ONE.
IN KUWAIT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF
YOU WERE BORN THERE.
MATTERS WHERE YOUR PARENTS COME
FROM."
WHERE DO YOUR PARENTS COME FROM?
MY PARENTS ARE PALESTINIAN.
GET QT GIVE ME YOUR PALESTINIAN
PASSPORT.
I DON'T HAVE A PALESTINIAN
PASSPORT.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A PALESTINIAN
PASSPORT.
BECAUSE IT IS NOT A STATE.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT A STATE?
HAVE YOU NOT WATCHED THE NEWS
FOR THE PAST 68 YEARS.
AND BY THE WAY, I'M IN GERMANY.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT TO BEGIN
WITH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIS SOLO
SHOW ON TUESDAY AT THE COMEDY
CELLAR HERE IN NEW YORK.
MO AMER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.