- What advice did you receive for your wedding night?
(soft guitar music)
- In our culture, we don't have sex before we get married.
So it's not actually sex advice we get.
We get more marriage advice.
Why do you think our culture shrouds sex with so much shame?
- We think it's immodest to talk about it.
Even if it's not explicit,
I think we still don't talk about it
because it's coupled with being explicit.
I just didn't think that I was allowed to talk about it.
I was like, "Oh, this is just something that we do.
"We never talk about it.
"And then, eventually, if I need specific advice,
"maybe when I'm 40 I can ask her about it."
- I'm surprised at that.
Because I thought you could ask me anything.
- We never had a talk about it.
- Yeah.
- So how would I know that that door was open
for me to talk about it?
- Do you have any questions you want to ask me now?
- No, not now.
(laughs)
- When was the first time you saw a male organ?
- (laughs) I saw it in a movie and I remember being like,
"Uh, why does it look like that?"
(laughs)
Where do they put it?
I was terrified, I was like, "It's long and weird-looking
and I don't know where they put it in their pants.
I think I was like 11 years old when I saw that movie.
It was like a flash, and I remember renting that movie
again later so that I could see it again.
(laughs)
What was the first male organ you saw, mom?
- I saw a man peeing on the side of the street.
(laughs)
I said, "What is that he's holding?"
And I asked my brother that and he says,
"Be quiet."
And he was really mad at me for asking that question.
- Did you and dad ever watch porn together?
- Doesn't every couple?
(laughs)
Yes we did.
I was not exposed to it before and I thought it was gross.
I did not like watching it.
- Why?
What did you not like about it?
- It made it look dirty, and not,
because I think intimacy should come with affection
and not just the animal instinct of it.
- Did he ever ask you to watch it again?
- Yeah.
- He did?
Did you say "No," cause you didn't like it the first time?
- Yeah, we watched a few times.
(laughs)
But you don't wanna hear that
and I dont' like talking about it either.
- Whatever, it's okay.
- Watching it helps to put you in the mood.
I think that's the only positive thing, I would say,
about watching porn.
(laughs)
- Do you feel like you missed out by only being with dad?
By not dating any other people?
- Yeah, when I'm mad at him.
(laughs)
I used to think, "I wish I had some more experience."
And he often tells me,
"You know you don't know how," when we have a fight,
he says, "You know you don't know how to deal with guys
"because you never dated."
So he made me feel like it was a flaw in me.
- Yeah.
- But I was always thinking I'm preserving myself
for my husband, you know?
- Yeah.
- Sometimes I do feel
I wish I had some more experience.
Not physical experience, but knowing men in other ways.
Do you wish we had this conversation earlier in your life?
- I mean, yes and no.
- Do you think that not having it earlier in life
affected you wrongly in any way?
- I mean, probably, a little bit.
Maybe it informed my relationship with men a little bit.
I'm very a nervous dater and a little insecure.
And I think maybe if I felt a little bit more confident
in things unknown then maybe I wouldn't
be so insecure.
- I know you're a crowd pleaser sometimes.
But I know that when it comes to your personal judgement,
you were already there.
At 18 you were already there, that you would not
do something that you thought was wrong.
- Thanks, mom.
Alright mom, last question.
- Yes.
- What wedding night advice would you give me?
- I would tell you that it's your body
and you have a right over your body.
And if you don't feel comfortable doing certain things,
you don't need to do it.
- Okay.
- And you have to take charge of your body.
- Thanks, mom.
- Okay?
Also, you have to be considerate of each other.
I would expect your husband to be considerate of you,
and you should have to be considerate of your husband.
Even though the romance does happen mostly after engagement,
or you are betrothed to somebody.
- Betrothed.
No one uses that word anymore.
(laughs)
- I'm from old school.