[theme music]
[announcer] Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to The Earliest Show with Josh and Sam.
- Ah, for the lady. - Oh, thank you.
Wooo!
[Josh clears throat]
- Heey! - Well, good morning.
Good night. [chuckling]
- Mmm. How are you doing? - I'm doing very well.
How are you?
- I'm doing really well, actually. - Well, you had a hard day yesterday.
Yesterday wasn't so bad.
I had a little trouble going to sleep, because I don't know why,
and then went to sleep and here we are.
I feel like we all know why. It's okay.
Okay, so, uh... we have to unfortunately start off
with a retraction. It seems like we are doing this every--
Mark, lets make sure before we say the things before hand
that they're going to be real facts.
- Check them out. - Yeah-yeah. Yeah.
- Okay? - You got it. You got it Josh.
Thank you so much. Alright Mark, here we go.
We're going to have to retract yesterday's story about
walking up the stairs sideways,
and we said that it was better for you, and a better burn
and a better thing for your body. Turns out it's wrong.
- Walk up it up normal ways. - Well you know, I gave it a shot last night.
- Come on Sam. What did you do? - I try everything we
talk about on the show, and let me tell you,
I walked sideways up the stairs--
- And? - Both hips popped out--
- Both of them? --Of the sockets. Yeah.
You got chopsticked.
I looked like a little-- Yeah. A broken Barbie. [giggling]
[Josh] I tried it out as well.
Don't make fun of me. It's going to be embarrassing.
I went up sideways, and I took one step, and I just passed out
and started crying... for no reason.
There is a reason.
A women in Ohio had so many frickin' kids. Do you know how many kids?
Uhh... I couldn't even venture a guess.
12.
- Get out of dodge. - She had duo-decaplets.
Help me out Sam. What is it?
Duo-duo... duh...
[talking over each other]
- This women had duo-de... - Duo...
[more talking over each other]
Let's all say it.
[they try to pronounce duodecaplets]
Why don't you ask who fact checked that real quick with Jamie?
- See if Jamie has it over there. - Hey Jamie?
Um... Duodecap-- Duodecaplets.
Well, she'll need to figure out how to say it.
- 12 babies. Can you imagine? - That's a lot.
- Pop, pop, pop, pop. - No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, you probably shouldn't have a kid.
I myself have been thinking about it.
Emily and I have been thinking about having a kid forever.
Forever.
Honestly it would've been great. I'm so sorry about that.
It still can be great.
I don't mean to be...
We all saw the show. [giggling]
I knew this was going to happen.
It was-- We had a fight.
We had a little tiny fight.
[stammering]
You okay?
Yeah. Do not have relate-- Do not--
When you're in a relate--
We had a fight. Nothing bad happened yesterday.
She said she didn't want to marry you, and she said don't call me.
There's no way she said that.
I remember the entire thing
Mark can we play the clip?
We don't have to play the clip Mark.
Are you going to play a clip?
[Emily] Do not call me. Okay?
[laughing]
She's hilarious.
I'm going to call her. Should I call her?
I feel like she probably doesn't want that.
Uh... do you want me to reach out now?
I wish we had a studio audience.
Do you want me-- Is that cool?
And they'd all go, "No. Don't do it!"
Mark, are you fine with me calling her?
- Let's not do that. Let's do Social Wall. - Let's do it. Let's do it then Mark.
- Calling Emily. - Let's see what happens.
Half a ring. Right to voicemail.
- That's a decline. - Nope. Incorrect.
Let me leave a quick VM.
♪ Emily it's Josh
♪ I want to kiss you nose and your mouth
♪ And your head and your nose and your ears ♪
What?
Oh, you just picked up the phone. Hi.
- That's not how cell phones work at all. - What's going on?
Good. Everything's good.
Got to go bye. She's good. She picked it up.
- Gotta go. Bye. - She picked it up.
So, we are... good.
Josh,
I think you're going through the 5 stages of grief.
- 5 stages of grief? - Yes you are.
What's the first stage of grief?
Me being like super happy and every thing is fine and who cares?
- Yes. Denial. - That's not denial. I'm not denying anything.
Is it denial if I'm like,
"I'm in love. She's in love. Nothing went wrong last night"?
Yeah, because that's not true.
You know, I would bring this mood up a tiny bit.
Why don't we dance on over to The Social Wall?
- Please. - What do you say Mark? You got it?
You got the music for us?
- ♪ - Let's do it.
Woooo!
♪
Woooo!
Welcome to The Social Wall presented by Cap'n Crunch.
[immitating] Do you want to hear what our audience has to say to us today?
- I'd love that. - Here we go.
Okay, this one comes from @StaceCaseXO--
Oooh, I know who this is.
"Josh this is Emily's sister Stacy. Stop calling her.
She doesn't want to talk to you. #EarliestShow."
- What is going on? - What is that about?
- What is going on? I'm not-- - You can explain that one.
I called a couple of times. I called a couple of times.
How many times did you call her?
A doz. A baker's doz. Is a baker's doz 20?
- I think it's 13. - Whatever.
Next post. This is insane.
Oooh. @DelmarCityZoo. "All our nocturnal animals love the show.
Sam, we even named our new baby bird after you.
Could you give a shout out to the bird in it's own language?"
Of course I can. Here I go.
[imitating bird]
Next post.
@StaceCaseXO says:
"He just tried to call her again like 10 seconds ago.
It must've happened while you were about the zoo stuff Sam. #EarliestShow"
Did you make a call while I was doing my segment?
Get on the computer. Choose.
Either watch TV or get on your computer or do it at the same time.
That's insane. I made a phone call.
We're actually asking them to do it at the same time.
Um, for real, were you making a phone call while I was talking?
Yes. I quick PC. I was just checking in to see--
I thought she had called and she had not.
So, it was my fault. I'm not trying to keep calling her and calling her,
I keep thinking she calls. I keep thinking it's vibrating but it's not.
Okay. Thank you for your posts.
We're going to hit a commercial.
Hey, come back for more Earliest Show. Hit it Mark.
♪
Tired of your robber roommate stealing your food?
Catch him in the act with the new Snack Security Pack.
Just place inside of your most coveted snack,
and wait for the thief to take the bate.
[explosion]
It wasn't me.
The permanent dye says otherwise.
Order now.
♪
Uh... Welcome back.
For our interview today, we have such a genius,
we have a musician, a comedian,
an all around fantastic lover.
Ladies and gentleman,
- give it up for Reggie Watts! - Yay!
♪
- How are you? - How are you?
- Hey what's going on? - Good to see you.
- Hey, it's good to see you. - Good to see you.
[indistinct chatting]
You still hug weird.
- You know that, right? - Uh huh. I haven't figured it out.
- Take a seat. How are you? - Oh boy. Deep.
Do you feel good?
I'm actually having a good day starting now.
- Oh wow. - Thanks to you guys.
That brings us to our first, uh, question.
Okay.
You can make noises with your mouth.
Who doesn't, but I can.
♪ Let's make some music
- Okay, okay. That sounds fun. - ♪ Let's make some music
♪ Let's make some music right
Now.
- Okay, here we go. - I'm very excited.
I love songs. Sam and I love songs.
[vocalizing music]
♪ Help Help
♪ Help me Help me
♪ I'm trapped in the TV I'm trapped in the TV
♪ I'm trapped in the TV
♪ Help me, help me...
That's cool. Yeah.
- Can I ask you a question? - Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah. Of course. - Are you okay?
Are you talking about last night?
Yeah.
[indistinct talking]
It wasn't even a thing. It wasn't even a real fight.
Do you want me to call her right now? We've proven this over and over.
- You could call her. - You want me to call her right now?
You think she's going to answer?
Uh, do I think she's going to answer?
I don't know. Why don't I tell you...
Half ring. Right to voicemail.
Oh, do me a favor. Sing a song, and I'll just talk over it.
Okay, okay.
♪ Yo Emily it's Josh What you doing
♪ Why don't you call I'm right here... [indistinct rapping]
♪ I wanna ursha-ursha-ursha-ursha...
- You wanna ursha-ursha...? - I love you very much.
I don't know...
why you're not calling me back, but if you have a second give me a call back.
And...
♪ Marry me, marry me, marry me...
[whistles]
That'll work.
Thank you so much to Reggie Watts. Thank you so much.
- So much fun. - So much fun.
- We love you. - That's cool.
We'll be right back with What's Cookin'.
Don't move. [laughing]
You guys are all holding your cards tonight.
- Mm. - Reg. - I don't hold cards.
- What do you do? - I just let them go.
♪
Mmm, something smells good.
You know what that means. It's time for our favorite segment,
What's Cookin'.
- What is cooking? - And we have Chef Tommy here,
and we love Chef Tommy. Welcome.
Hey! Hey guys.
- What are we cooking today? - Hey, you guys know my thing.
- What's your thing, man? - I just like to find the
things that are usually left over in your kitchen
and make a fun, tasty little meal.
So what did I get today? I got a little bit of bacon.
I got a little bit of bread,
I got some Cap'n Crunch,
and I got some cheese.
So I'm going to make a--
Let me guess. A'spaghetti and meatballs.
Come on guys. I'm making a Cap'n Crunch grilled cheese.
- Ooh. - [immitating] How do you make that Chef Tommy?
[indistinct talking]
[yells]
Too much. Too close. Sorry buddy.
Something poked me.
I was like, wow.
I was like-- I mean and you guys are like tall walls.
What do we got here?
- Bacon. - Okay.
[indistinct chatting over each other]
...or cook down the bacon. And then we'll prepare ourselves some toast.
We'll just put some bread in the toaster.
You want to go on ahead and catch this. 1-2-3.
[laughing] Yes. That's how we start.
Alright, so we get our bread.
Yeah, we get one piece of bread there.
- You wanna use that one? - We can't use that one.
But we'll use it for this demonstration.
Real question. How often do you use food that's fallen on the ground?
[giggling]
Every time. Alright.
So, bacon.
Some American cheese. We're going to go ahead and close up that sandwich.
Close it up.
We add a little bit of this cheddar cheese on top.
Add some Cap'n Crunch.
- Pop in some Cap'n. - That'll make it crunchy.
It sure will.
And then we're going to go ahead and throw this in the broiler for a little while.
Oh, how long do we put it in there?
Well... a little while.
Well, for the viewers so they'll know.
- How long? - If they're making it.
Oh, if they're making it at home, just put it in there for a little bit.
Let's go with 30 seconds.
30 seconds everybody. Pop it in the broiler for 30 seconds.
Hey, I talked to Emily.
- A couple of days ago? - Today.
I called her a couple of times. Her phone is broken.
No. Her phone's not broken.
Her phone rings and she answers it every time I call her.
Did she say we're broken up? Because there's this big weird thing that every body
thinks that we're broken up, but we're not.
She said, you're broken up. There's a good reason for it.
You were together for 6 years.
She's never loved the man, because you've never acted like a man.
[bell]
So after we pull it out this time.
[immitating] He's going down folks. [giggles]
- The final product. - Whoa.
- Guys, it's time to eat. - Mmm.
Look at that. That is a Cap'n Crunch grilled cheese,
with a little bit of bacon on top of some romaine lettuce.
Why is that on top of romaine lettuce?
Because, when in Romaine...
- ♪ - That's our show.
Tune in tomorrow for more guests and mischief.
Good night and good morning.
♪
- Have some. - Yeah.
You alright?
- Come on man. - She's gotta be kidding.
Um... no.