My ex is happy and I'm miserable. What am I supposed to do? How can I handle this sort
of emotional situation? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video, but
first my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not, because
you deserve to be loved for that unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are.
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too. There's a subscribe button right down there next to the thumbs up and thumbs down
button, so hit that, it does help us. Okay. So yeah, if you're going through a breakup
and your ex is a happy or seems to be happy and you're miserable, it can be a really tough
experience, it can be really, really, really hard. And I know that a lot of people have
this experience, but let's go ahead and take a look at what is happening emotionally from
your ex's standpoint first and foremost, because this might help to re-contextualize some of
these things. So first of all, there was obviously something that your ex wasn't super excited
about in your relationship. That's why they broke up with you, right? So obviously there's
going to be a little bit of a sense of relief that they feel at least immediately after
the breakup, from whatever was not working for them. So that could potentially be something
that they could be feeling happy about is like, okay, whatever it was, the lack of connection,
the fighting all the time, the lack of trust, the whatever it was, it's gone. And so now
I feel this sense of relief and okay, great. Now I have this extra sense of lightness to
me, right? That can definitely happen. It doesn't necessarily,
always last indefinitely. Sometimes people have what they call grass is greener syndrome.
And after a while, they might start to realize, hey, I threw the baby out with the bath water,
if I can go ahead and mince my metaphors for you there. So just know that. Just know that
there could just be this sort of temporary reprieve from whatever your ex was experiencing
that led them to the breakup in the first place. The second thing I want you to know
is that if you're basing this decision, this judgment that my ex is happy and I'm miserable
on maybe what you're seeing on social media, online, on Facebook, on Instagram, on other
social media platforms, just know that that is not really an accurate representation of
a person's life or what they're experiencing. It's actually a curated experience of that
person's life. It's what they want you to see. It's what they want other people to see
in their life. Most people don't go around posting really raw, vulnerable, transparent
things on social media like, "Oh, hey, I'm having such a hard time because of this breakup,
I feel crushed and devastated. I don't know what to do. It's hard to get out of bed in
the morning." Most people don't do that unless they're specifically looking for sympathy
from other people, but what they often do, do, is they post things that they want other
people to see, how they want other people to see them. And when you consider that with
social media these days, you have a following that's like a broad swath of your life. It's
not just your social group. It can, in many cases, be your coworkers, your family, people
that you work with, it can be people that you interact with on a professional level,
clients, all sorts of stuff like that. And so we often feel this sort of need to
kind of rush down to the lowest common denominator and the safest things, which is that like,
"Hey, my life is great. Everything's going wonderful. Here's pictures of me doing wonderful
things," right? That's often what people feel compelled to post on social media, and if
you've ever been someone maybe in their 20's, or 30's, or something like that, like I have
at some point in my past, you'll notice that there's these waves of trends that go across
your social media feed, where it's like, okay, now suddenly everyone is getting married.
Everyone is getting engaged. Everyone is on this luxurious, great vacation. Everyone is
having babies and all of that. And it's like, is there something wrong with me because I'm
not getting married, I'm not getting engaged, I'm not going on these luxurious vacations,
and I'm not having another child? And it's not necessarily that way. It's just
how people are setting out that intention and how people are putting out that way that
they want other people to see them in their life. You don't get a chance to see the doubt,
the depression, the hesitation, the fear, the anxiety, the deep emotional struggle that
people are often going through on a day to day basis. You only get to see that front
that they put out to the world. And so you don't want to be judging the full experience
of your thoughts and your emotions, because obviously you're living your life. You, you
get to experience the front that you put out to other people, and you also get to sit with
your own feelings and feel that sadness, feel that misery, feel that depression, feel that
whatever it is that you might be feeling, and you can't compare that full rich experience
that you have with maybe just the curated version of what your ex might be posting online.
Don't think the stuff you're seeing online is the full picture about what they're experiencing
and what their life is like. It really isn't. I know it can be really hard to see it. And
I know it can make you think like, "Oh, look how quickly they bounce back, look how fast
they moved on. I guess it just must show how little our relationship mattered to them,"
but don't let your mind go there, because you know them, you know that you probably
had this significant connection, and you know that the breakup probably wasn't very easy
for them. And that this is probably just some sort of front, some sort of act, some sort
of image that they're putting out to the world so that it can come across like, "Hey, I'm
fine. I'm good. Everything's great in my life." That's how people play the social media game.
Don't forget that. Additionally, if you are, like if your ex
actually is legitimately happy since the breakup, this isn't like the initial reprieve from
whatever wasn't working and they're legitimately happy from the breakup, and you're not taking
it so well, you're maybe miserable or something, just know that if you do want to get back
together with them, you're going to have to find a way to pull yourself out of this. You're
going to have to find a way to work through this misery that you're feeling and actually
live into your best life, because they're not going to want to get back together with
you because you're miserable. They're not going to want to get back together with you
if you don't love your own life. They potentially could do that, but it's not going to be the
most inspiring thing in the entire world. Okay?
They're going to feel excited about it if you love your life. They're going to feel
excited about getting back together with you and giving the relationship another shot if
you actually do love your life and if you are doing things to move yourself in a positive
direction. So find things that you love in your life. Even just small little things.
I know that coming out of a breakup, it can often feel like you're out of control in so
many ways in your life, but find something that you can take ownership of, find something
that you can love, find something that you can cherish, whether it's something as simple
as a nice cup of coffee in the morning, or a nice sunset, or a cool summer evening, or
whatever it might be. Just find something small that you can take ownership of, that
you can find appreciation for and that can be like your initial toe hold that you can
start to build a new life upon. Okay? Something that you can start to build a new
intention on for yourself and you can start to pull yourself through this darkness and
start to reclaim a sense of yourself, a sense of direction in life, a sense of meaning in
your life. This isn't going to be easy. There is an entire journey of self healing that
you may be about to embark on, already embarked on, whatever the case may be, but you have
to start, you have to start, because if you are going to have a great relationship, whether
that's with your ex or with someone else, you want that to be born out of positivity,
and optimism, and a promise for something wonderful in the future, not just, "Hey, I
feel guilty for hurting you." "Okay, fine. I'll get back together with you." That is
not an inspiring thing for most people. And it's not something that I would encourage
you to do. So you have to find a way to pull yourself
out of this. We do have an entire set of videos on how to get over a breakup. You can go ahead
and find that up there in the corner, [in a video card 00:00:09:31]. So please go ahead
and check that out if that's something that you need to work through. We did put that
together last year, I think, or maybe it was the year before, no it was last year, and
go ahead and go through that. It'll give you a great place to start, but with that being
said, thank you so much for watching this video.
If you do like what we're doing here again, please give that thumbs up to the video. It
does help us out. It does help to boost this channel a little bit more in YouTube. I'm
sure you've seen other coaches out there and I know from talking to many of you that you're
not exactly 100% satisfied with them. Let's leave it at that. And if you want to help
me out you can go ahead and hit that thumbs up button so that I can start to rise up in
the YouTube results above these other channels and all of these other coaches that maybe
you don't like. And so anyway, that would help me out, if you do like what we're doing
here as well too, you might want to check out this video series over here on what your
ex is thinking, or you might want to check out this video right here, but thank you so
much for watching. I hope you're feeling better. I hope you can find something to be grateful
for in your own life. And please take care and I'll talk to you in the next video.