Let's get straight into the only story
anyone was talking about today.
And no, I'm not talking about me getting my third dimple.
I'm talking about the big showdown
that everyone has been waiting for.
The moment of truth,
the Senate showdown between Brett Kavanaugh
and accuser Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.
This hearing, nationally televised,
every single network, every single broadcast network,
every single cable network,
all watching Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.
If you're talking about the historic import of this
and you're rating it from one to ten,
you would give this about a 79.
On social media, a ton of pictures
of commercial airlines where every television set
in the seatback is tuned to these hearings.
Yes, that's right. Even people on planes
were watching the hearings, and it was so gripping
that it was the first time people were praying for a delay.
Even the flight attendants were watching the flight.
Like, "Get your own peanuts. Get your own peanuts.
I don't have time for this shit right now."
Now, I say it was gripping,
but that doesn't mean that today was a fun day.
Emotionally, it was taxing.
If anything, it was like a sad Super Bowl.
And what-what was sad about it
was just, like, everything that was going on.
Because today was all about Christine Blasey Ford, right?
The woman who came forward first
and accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh
of sexual assault.
Now, although everyone was preparing for testimony
from Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh,
there was someone who stole the spotlight
in the beginning of the proceedings:
Judiciary Committee Chairman
and human corn bread Chuck Grassley.
I don't know what it was, but at times,
he acted like he was the one on trial.
I think it's important to make sure you're properly introduced.
-And I have to... -GRASSLEY: Uh, by the way,
I was going to introduce her,
but if you want to introduce her,
I'll be glad to have you do that.
But I want you to know I didn't forget to do it
because I would do that
-just as she was about to speak. -Thank you.
You have another 30 seconds now
because I was rudely interrupted.
Something happened here in between on your side
that the whole country--
well, not the whole country should have known about it.
No, not know about it. We should have investigated it.
"No, not-- no, no, some-- no, no.
What I meant was no-- not..."
It's like, I feel bad for Chuck,
especially in the beginning there,
because he's trying so hard not to look like a sexist asshole
that he's coming off as a sexist asshole.
He's like, "Be quiet, woman.
"I first want to tell you how important women are to me, okay?
"And you shut up, lady,
"while I tell you how much I respect you.
#WokeBae."
But today, today no one cared for Senator Grassley
as much as Senator Grassley did.
Everyone's attention was on Dr. Ford,
and she didn't just come in prepared to tell her story.
She was also ready to respond
to all of those people who asked,
"How can you even remember
something that happened 35 years ago?"
You are very clear about the attack.
That it was Brett Kavanaugh that covered your mouth
to prevent you from screaming.
How are you so sure that it was he?
The same way that I'm sure
that I'm talking to you right now.
So just basic memory functions.
Also just the level of norepinephrine
and epinephrine in the brain
that sort of, as you know, encodes.
That neurotransmitter encodes memories into the hippocampus,
and so the trauma-related experience,
then, is kind of locked there,
whereas other details kind of drift.
Oh, snap!
(cheering and applause)
Oh!
People were asking how the lady can trust her brain.
Turns out she's a brain scientist.
Yeah, those senators were probably like,
"Oh, yes, we're also familiar with the hippopotamus.
"Uh, yeah, we also know that.
All right, let's move on. Let's move on."
Oh, and Dr. Ford also had a response
for anyone who thought she's only here
as part of her 2020 campaign.
Apart from the assault itself, these past couple of weeks
have been the hardest of my life.
I have been accused of acting
out of partisan political motives.
Those who say that do not know me.
I am an independent person, and I am no one's pawn.
My responsibility is to tell you the truth.
You see that?
(cheering and applause)
That's something...
That's something that a lot of people forget.
Dr. Ford isn't some politician who's running for office.
She's a woman whose life has been turned upside down
since she stepped into this Supreme Court battle royal.
She's gotten death threats, reporters flooding her house,
and she's being called a political pawn,
which is unfair to her and also to pawns.
I mean, I know this is not the time for me to address this,
but still, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go in on this.
No, because people always act like pawns are the only pieces
that get moved around the board,
but you realize that's every piece.
I mean, if you're a bishop, your ass could be zigzagging
all over the place, but you're still taking orders
from the hand. Like, you're not special.
I'm just saying, the pawns get the short end of the stick.
And again, I acknowledge, now is not the time
to get into this chess thing.
Forgive my Grassleyness. All right, where was I?
Now, one of the main things
that made today's hearings... hearing different was
that the Republicans brought in an outside sex crimes prosecutor
to ask their questions, right,
because they wanted to avoid the optics
of a sexual assault victim being interrogated
by the world's most wrinkly boy band.
And even as Dr. Ford sat through hours of grueling questioning,
being asked to remember the tiniest details
of something that happened over three decades ago,
she still managed to remain surprisingly gracious
and agreeable.
Happy to answer in further detail if you want me to.
I wish that I could be more helpful
and that others could be more helpful
and that we could collaborate
in a way that would get at more information.
I'm just happy to describe them if you wanted me to,
and I'm happy to not. It's just, whatever... you want.
How insane is that? After all she's been through,
like, she still has such a good, warm attitude.
Like, I feel like after the hearings,
she'd be in the parking lot
offering to jumpstart people's cars.
"Do you want me...? I can help you get home."
(laughter)
So, after four hours
of Dr. Ford giving her side of the story,
it was Brett Kavanaugh's turn.
And I don't know if he's got something going on
in his life, but he seemed really angry.
This confirmation process has become a national disgrace.
You have replaced advise and consent with search and destroy.
The behavior of several of the Democratic members
of this committee at my hearing
a few weeks ago was an embarrassment.
Last-minute smears designed to scare me.
I wanted a hearing as soon as possible to clear my name.
I demanded a hearing.
(imitating Kavanaugh): That's right, I demanded a hearing!
-(audience booing) -You didn't give it to me! I demanded it!
Anyway, if you'll put me on the court now,
I'm prepared to put my emotions aside
and rule fairly and soberly. Yeah...
I think we can all agree
I know how to handle my emotions, yes, yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The contrast was striking,
because where Dr. Ford was more open
to being questioned about her experience,
this dude was behaving
like the whole thing was just wasting his time.
It's an outrage that I was not allowed to come
and immediately defend my name and say,
"I didn't do this," and give you all this evidence.
I'm not even... I'm not even in D.C.
on the weekends in the summer of 1982.
So you're saying there's never been a case
where you drank so much that you didn't remember
what happened the night before, or part of what happened?
It's... You're asking about... yeah, blackout.
I don't know. Have you?
-(audience groaning, exclaiming) -WOMAN: What?
Could you answer the question, Judge?
It just... So, you have...
That's not happened? Is that your answer?
Yeah, and I'm curious if you have.
The Swetnick thing is a joke.
That is a farce.
Good Lord.
This guy was such an asshole, it looked like
he was auditioning for a Snickers commercial.
It was like, "How dare you accuse me of sexual assault!
"Mmm!
I did it, yeah."
(laughter, cheers and applause)
You could feel...
(applause and cheering swell)
You could feel real Brett coming through,
because I don't know if you saw the interview on Fox.
He was all chilled out, and now, today he was all angry.
But you could feel him seeping through.
And like, I've said this before, and I'll say it again.
I don't know what the full story is here, all right?
What I do know is
Brett Kavanaugh has been consistently shady
about his history of partying as a teenage boy.
WOMAN: Did you consume alcohol during your high school years?
Yes, we drank beer. Uh, My friends and I,
uh, boys and girls, yes, we drank beer.
I liked beer, still like beer.
Sometimes probably had too many beers,
and sometimes, other people had too many beers.
What do you consider to be too many beers?
I don't know.
Uh... you know, we...
Whatever the chart says.
Uh... uh, blood alcohol chart.
Ah, yes, of course, of course.
The blood alcohol chart, yeah.
You know, the chart we all have at parties when we're drinking.
Yeah, you know that chart? Yeah?
Yeah, we're you're just like, "Yo, man! Hey, man!"
-(applause and cheering) -"You ready?
You ready, dude? You want to shotgun another beer?"
"I would, buddy, but the chart says
we've reached our legal blood alcohol limit."
Get the (bleep) out of here, man!
You're telling me this guy was running around
with calendars and charts?
How big were his pockets back then?
Guy was like a 17-year-old actuary?
Like, because one frustration many people have is
that we could get to the bottom of Ford's allegations
much more easily if the FBI was allowed
to investigate this whole thing, right?
But we're not learning anything from this.
And after watching this exchange, I don't know
if finding out the truth is on Kavanaugh's calendar.
Judge Kavanaugh, turn to Don McGahn and to this committee
and say, "For the sake of my reputation,
"my family name and to get to the bottom of the truth of this,
I'm not going to be an obstacle to an FBI investigation."
I welcome whatever the committee wants to do,
'cause I'm telling the truth.
-I want to know what you want to do. -I-I'm telling the truth.
I want to know what you want to do, Judge.
I'm innocent. I'm innocent of this charge.
Why would you resist that kind of investigation?
Senator, I... I welcome...
I wanted the hearing last week.
Judge Kavanaugh, will you support an FBI investigation
-right now? -I-I will do whatever...
the committee wants to...
Personally, do you think that's the best thing for us to do?
(audience groans)
It was at that moment that Brett knew he had (bleep) up.
(laughter, applause, shouts)
He wanted a beer so badly,
but the chart said he couldn't have one.
That face is him giving himself...
you can feel him coming out.
It's so crazy to watch.
And, you know, like, I don't know about you,
but I feel like we all hoped, maybe naively,
that today's hearing would get us a step closer
to learning the truth about whether Brett Kavanaugh
is fit for the Supreme Court.
But from the beginning, today was never gonna be enough time
for us to get closer to the truth.
This whole thing is rushed. There's not enough time.
It was only gonna be enough time to make both sides feel better
about how they were already gonna vote anyway.
And nobody dug in harder than Lindsey Graham.
What you want to do is destroy this guy's life,
hold this seat open, and hope you win in 2020.
You said that.
Not me.
You've got nothing to apologize for.
When you see Sotomayor and Kagan,
tell them that Lindsey said hello.
'Cause I voted for them.
I would never do to them what you've done to this guy.
This is the most unethical...
sham...
since I've been in politics.
And if you really wanted to know the truth,
you sure as hell wouldn't have done
what you've done to this guy.
Really, Lindsey?
The most unethical sham that you've ever seen in politics?
Uh, phone call coming in.
Merrick Garland says hi.