- Loud chewing.
- Okay, I see where this is going.
- He's a secret assassin.
(laughing)
(crowd cheering) (upbeat music)
- Hello and welcome to tonight's episode
of Bae vs. Ballplayer,
All Players Edition.
I'm Frank Schwindel, your host.
And since I'm hosting, it's impossible to lose today.
But let's meet our contestants, contestant one.
- My name is Ian Happ, I like coffee.
- And contestant two.
- I'm Patrick Wisdom.
And I've eaten at the northernmost Denny's
in the world.
- Wow, interesting fact.
- Where was that?
- In Alaska, like Fairbanks,
North Pole, Alaska.
- Same food, same menu?
- Yeah. It's pretty much the same.
- Interesting.
- Alright, thanks for letting us know.
Alright, tonight, we'll be competing
to see who knows me better on (claps)
- [All] Bae vs. Ballplayer
(cheering) (upbeat music)
- It's time for round one
where each correct answer is worth 100 points.
Let's see what these guys got.
Alright, question one:
What's a movie that always makes me laugh?
All right, Happy. Contestant one, let's see.
- Stepbrothers.
- That is a correct answer,
but not for this question.
Stepbrothers, I see on the other board too, but...
- Anchorman.
- Ooh, another classic, but wrong for this one.
They both make me laugh,
so I'll award for points.
But for this one, I said Hangover.
We'll give them both a hundred points cause I laughed-
- Yes. - My butt off
for both of those.
Alright, Question two:
If I'm not playing baseball, what am I doing?
Patrick? Let's see what we got.
- [All] Nothing.
- Sometimes, yes, but-
(Patrick laughing)
No. (buzzer sounds)
- Dang it. - What do we got?
- Hanging with the family, winning "Dad of the Year."
- Oof, Great answer.
- Schmoozing.
- I'm gonna give that credit right there.
- Wow. Okay. (bell dings)
- Yes. - I see were this is going.
- That'll be 200 for Ian,
and 100 for Patrick.
Moving on to question three:
What is my biggest pet peeve?
Let's see what we got. Ian.
- I think you're the type of guy that hates loud chewing.
(buzzer sounds)
- Loud chewing is definitely up there,
but not the biggest pet peeve.
- I'm gonna say wrinkled shirts.
- Wrinkled shirts is also up there,
but for this one I went with traffic.
Hate just sitting around (buzzer sounds)
doing nothing. - Ooh.
- Both good guesses though.
Both good guesses.
What is my hidden talent?
- Your hidden talent?
- All right, Ian, what we got?
- You're a really good singer.
- I'd like to think so, but that's not correct.
(buzzer sounds)
- I said karaoke.
- Karaoke with the right number of drinks, maybe,
but no. (buzzer sounds)
- Did I spell that right? - I said nothing.
No hidden talents for me.
- No hidden talents, oh.
- Alright. Last question:
What was my least- - What's the score?
- favorite subject-
(Patrick laughs)
Least favorite subject in school?
Let's start with you, Patrick.
- I said English class. - English. That is correct.
(bell dings) - Yes.
- What do we got? - I said math. (buzzer sounds)
- Math, I'm a math wiz, cannot read.
(Patrick laughs)
That evens the score at 200 a piece
as we head to round two.
(crowd cheers) (upbeat music)
Now it's time for round two
where I'll be putting myself on the hot seat.
They'll be asking me questions
and whoever I choose will be awarded 50 points.
Let's do it.
- Question one.
Which one of us would you call to help on
"Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?"
- Oof. I'm gonna have to give 50 to Patrick right there.
(bell dings) He said he chooses smart.
So easy answer.
- Which one of us would you least want to fight?
- Oh. (men laugh)
I'd say neither with Happ's lower half,
and Patrick's overall chiseled-ness.
(Patrick laughs)
I'd say I'd have to go for Happ and take on the upper half.
And that's my best bet. (bell dings)
- Who would you trust more with a secret.
- Oof. I' have to go Happ there.
Some days he's quiet and keeps to himself
and he's a secret assassin.
- Who would you trust to give you a haircut?
- I have to go Patrick.
He's always looking good. (bell dings)
Hair's always looking good.
And I just wanna look like him.
- Great hair.
- Who would make a better babysitter?
- Hmm. I have to go with Patrick on that one.
I've seen him with his kids.
He's a great family man.
- That's true. - Thank you. Right back at ya.
- Appreciate that.
- Yeah. Me too.
Who is a better singer?
- Oof. I feel like with Happ's playlist
he's gotta be (bell dings)
so I'm gonna go Happ on that one.
- Sick.
- Wow.
- Nailed biter.
- I don't think this has ever been seen before,
but we have a tie going into the speed round
for round three.
Let's see who could come out out front.
(crowd cheers) (upbeat music)
We've made it to round three, the speed round.
Each correct answer is worth 50 points.
Mr. Happ, are you ready?
- I'm ready.
- All right, let's do it.
Would I rather have a cat or a dog?
- Dog.
Correct. (bell dings)
Am I an early bird or night owl?
- You're an early bird.
- Correct. (bell dings)
Would I be rather be rich or smart?
- Rich.
- I said both, (bell dings)
so I'll give it to you.
Do I prefer ketchup or ranch? - You are a ranch guy.
- Wow. (bell dings)
Correct.
If I were an actor,
would I be in comedies or dramas?
- Comedies.
- There you go. (bell dings)
Would I rather be in a car or a bike?
- You'd rather be in a car.
- Correct. (bell dings)
Would I rather cook or be cooked for?
- You'd rather be cooked for.
(Frank whistles) - Unbelievable.
(bell dings)
Would I rather get a tattoo or a piercing?
- I think you'd get a tattoo.
- Correct. (bell dings)
Would I rather shop online or in store?
- You're an online guy.
- Wow. (bell sings)
Can he do the perfect round?
Do I have better personality or looks?
- Personality.
- Wow. (bell dings)
A clean sweep, even though I'm gonna take that as an insult,
but 10 for 10.
Wow. Unbelievable.
Gonna be tough to beat.
Now it's time to see what Patrick can do.
He needs a perfect score to tie.
So best of luck to you.
- I need to get all 10?
- Yep. That is correct.
Would I rather have a cat or a dog?
- Dog.
- All right. (bell dings)
One for one.
Am I an early bird or night owl?
(clock ticks louder)
- Night owl.
(Frank whistles)
- Better luck next time.
- What? (buzzer sounds)
- That's wrong, but we'll still keep it going anyway.
Would I rather be rich or smart?
- Smart.
- I said both. (bell dings)
So we'll give it to you. Ketchup or ranch?
- Ranch.
- Yep. (bell dings)
If I were an actor, would I be in comedies or dramas?
- Comedies.
- Comedies. (bell dings)
Would I rather be in a car or a bike?
(clock ticks loudly)
- I mean, you did ride a bird to the field today.
- But do I prefer which one?
- Car
(bell dings) - Correct.
Would I rather cook or be cooked for?
- Be cooked for.
- Thank you. (bell dings)
Would I rather get a tattoo or a piercing?
- A tattoo.
- Correct. (bell dings)
Would I rather shop online or in store
- Online.
- Correct. (bell dings)
And if you answer this one correctly
it'll be worth double because I didn't like his answer.
Do I have a better personality or looks?
- Better looks. You kidding me?
You can't go wrong with looks.
- I appreciate that, but wrong. (buzzer sounds)
So we're gonna have to give it to Happ.
- Aw.
- Good effort though.
Nine outta 10, that plays.
I wanna say thank you guys for coming out
and competing against each other.
A perfect final round did it for Ian.
And I would like to congratulate the winner.
Let's see what you won.
(upbeat music)
- [Announcer] Today's prize
is this once in a lifetime deal
on Frank Schwindel's comedy collection.
- That's an unbelievable prize.
Thank you so much for joining us on-
- [All] Bae Versus Ball Player.
(crowd cheers) (upbeat music)