(upbeat music)
(audience applauding)
- (indistinct).
Oh, look, live people.
- I know we're here, I know, it's not virtual.
You're here in person.
- I know. - [Kelly] Basically,
I love it.
It's nice to see you
- [Tim] Nice to see you.
- I know, I'm freaking out about the Santa Claus
and we're gonna get to it.(chuckles)
But I hear that you love changing the design of rooms
when you go places, so--
- [Tim] That was a weird story your people came up with
I've been-- - [Kelly] So,
you've never done that.
- I do it all the time.
- [Kelly] Okay!
We didn't come up with it. - But I'd say...
Somebody asked me a question.
It'd be sometimes like I walk into somebody's room
and while we're talking, I'd go,
"It's just great that this...
That." - Oh.
- Constantly, I'm on the road a lot.
Besides doing movies and TV,
I do Vegas and travel and I look at those...
Get out of a hotel every floor,
there's two chairs at a table.
- Yes.
- And you get off the elevator.
- Yeah.
- Is anybody so tired in the elevator?
They get out and they go, "Thank God there's a chair.
(audience laughs)
I could sit,"
but I'm genuinely I've always moved the flower arrangement
a little to the left there's a statue or horse or something.
- [Kelly] Yeah. - And I think to myself,
there's somebody in the security camera goes,
"What is that tool boy doing? (laughs)
Why does he get off every day and move this stuff around?"
And it's an ADD thing.
- [Kelly] Do you...
I was like...
I'm kinda like that, especially with pictures on the wall.
- Yes.
- I can't think of anything else,
if I see it. - [Tim] Well, I do...
My mother who is now...
We put her into a "condo" is I could tell her,
her house all, she's short. (laughs)
So, all the pictures are real struc--
- Is that assisted living?
Is that what it is, kind of a?
- Oh, it's such a long story.
So it's...
Which is--
- I just can't believe that you called it a condo.(chuckles)
- The only way I could get her in it is they said,
"Hey think of it as a condo." - [Kelly] Yeah.
- And her whole demeanor says,
"Oh like in Florida or something?"
Yeah, that would be it. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- Except it's in mid-Michigan,
but yeah, consider it a condo in Florida.
- [Kelly] But people take care of you, that's nice.
They play games, they do stuff?
- Yeah.
- [Kelly] Yeah? - Uh-huh.
- [Kelly] Do you feel like it's your turn
to take care of your mama now?
- Well, nobody trains you how to be a parent,
and certainly nobody trains you
how to be a parent to your parent.
And it's a-- - Yeah.
- Luckily there's nine of us
and we're able to move all of us are doing it, but it's--
- [Kelly] I forget how many brothers
or siblings you have, wow!
- Yeah, I'm lucky because I have a lot of good friends
that are taking care of their parents on their own.
And it's so much. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- If you're doing it or you see it,
it's really difficult 'cause--
- Well, it's time consuming if you also have a job
and you also have a family, it's--
- [Tim] And they can be...
My mother once looked at me.
I've had a good relationship with my mom,
I've been in a lot of trouble in my life.
And so, she and I have come to an understanding
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- That none of my bad behavior was her problem
if I made my own bad decisions.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And I've helped her through this.
But she was...
I've been like a friend of hers. (laughs)
Because I listened to everything she has to say
and I don't give her any advice.
And so-- - [Kelly] Yeah.
- She's mean right now at all my brothers. (chuckles)
And she finally got mean to me one day...
I was telling her, "You can't do this."
She didn't make any sense, she's making weird sentences.
And I said, I don't understand.
"You're calling me a liar."
"No, I didn't call you a liar,
but the first part of that sentence did not match
the last part."
She goes, "You know what?
Why don't you go to lunch and don't hurry back?"
(laughing)
I laughed at first, I went, "Aha, are you serious?
Did you just say that to me?"
And that she doesn't know how to shut things off.
And I said,
it's a true talent. - Yeah, oh my mom,
she'll hate me for this, she has no filter.
Do not ask my mom for the truth. (laughs)
'Cause she will serve it up on a platter
and be like, "You asked".
- But you're not asking for it.
- Yeah. - That's what I'm saying--
- No, no. She does that too.
You don't even have to ask. - Yeah.
- [Kelly] Yeah, she does that too.
Anyway, but you talked about your design compulsion.
So who wins at your house?
Like if you and your wife are like,
you want something somewhere and she...
Who goes-- - Luckily,
my wife and I are both neat nicks.
I mean, I'm a little bit more of a neat nick than her
but it's always one item in the house
that's passive aggressive fighting.
And it happens to be a lamp, we have that.
I'll come in, I go, "Why is that lamp over there?"
And I'll go in and it's literally six inches to the left.
I go like this,
and I know she's probably coming into the bedroom she goes,
"Why is that lamp like that?" (laughs)
And this is going on for years,
where every time I come back in,
that lamp is back over there, "Who's?"
And I know who's putting it back there.
(laughing)
I do that-- - Kelly] When you say it
passive aggressively-- - [Tim] I make it yeah.
- "Who keeps doing this?" - "Who keeps doing that,
moving the lamp to the left?"
- Are you in the middle guy, or an off center?
'Cause I'm off center-- - Off center
is called asymmetrical design.
I went to design school and I explained this to my family.
- [Kelly] Oh you did? - Yes.
- I didn't actually know that.
- Yeah, I love design. - Oh!
- I wanted to be interior designer.
Landscape designer really like that,
but product design is really nice.
- [Kelly] I love that too. - I love it.
- [Kelly] I've like read books on Olmsted
like I'm a nerd about landscape.
He did Central Park, he did all these parks--
- [Tim] Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Started like,
I'm a nerd about stuff like that, I think it's cool.
- Well the guy, the guy that I like was a
Brooks Stevens, I believe that's his name, but some...
The guy that changed the washing machines
from a gray machine in the basement.
He said, "Why don't we make them white with a window in it
so you can see the wash?" - [Kelly] Yeah.
- And he changed the whole zeitgeist
of washing machines
for (indistinct)-- - Design is important,
I agree. - [Tim] I love it,
I love it, I love it.
- My also is more with like Central Park,
I like the landscaping stuff.
I like indoors as well, like interiors,
but I think it's just beautiful what you can do with nature
and make it, just accent it.
- Yeah, product design is my...
I love product design.
- [Kelly] Yeah? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Kelly] That's cool,
I didn't know this about you, okay. (applauding)
I mentioned Vegas earlier, so do you like doing Vegas?
- Yeah, Vegas is a peculiar place because
when I do concerts, people pay tickets to come see me.
In Vegas-- - [Kelly] Yeah.
- Sometimes it's the last thing that on their mind
"Well I guess I got to go to that comedian."
(laughing)
- It's like a corporate event.
- It's a corporate...
Well, sometimes it's free tickets, sometimes it's giveaways.
And often you get people that just lost a lot of money.
- [Kelly] Yeah, so they're excited.
- [Tim] Yeah, they're really, yeah, that's just great.
Or the real drunks that make a lot of money
at the ATM machine.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- "Oh I keep winning, this is great. (laughs)
I just went through these numbers
and I just keep getting money."
- "It gives me money."
Oh my God,
(chuckles) I'm gonna do that when I lose there.
(laughing)
Yeah, so you posted an iconic photo recently,
I love this photo. - [Tim] Yeah.
Look at how many amazing people are in this photo,
(applauding) all of y'all.
(applauding)
I mean, that's an iconic photo man.
- Yeah. - So what comes to mind
when you see a photo like this?
- Well, first my dear friend has passed away, Bob Saget,
who just recently, who I loved dearly.
And that picture though is at that time,
Robin (indistinct) again passed away.
You can't keep up with him.
I'm really good off the cup.
I'm not as probably the fastest guy on the planet,
mentally, as Marty Short.
That, if you go to a party with Marty Short,
you're sick to your stomach laughing.
So you have to leave. - [Kelly] Yeah.
- He won't shut up. - Yeah.(laughs)
- As I said, I've done couple movies with him.
A director has never ever told Marty Short
"Could you go bigger?" (laughing)
- You Just...
You've never said, he makes noise getting out of a seat.
It's, "Oh!" - Very good.
(laughing)
"Marty, you're just getting out of a chair."
"Oh!"
- There's comedy we had everywhere.
- [Tim] Everywhere.
Well that Rodney in that pictures trying to say something.
He's, "Oh, 'mumbles'."
He's waiting for Robin to finish the sentence.
- Yeah.
- And he was getting really frustrated.
"I had (indistinct), yeah, I thought this years ago."
And I'm laughing because
Rodney's gonna have a nervous breakdown.(laughs)
Saget was going, "Have you seen the buffet?"(laughing)
He just wanted to eat something.
And Lovitz's sitting in the back going,
"I'm Jon Lovitz, I'm actually Jon Lovitz.
I will say they should." (laughs)
He was the most amazing to be around those comics.
But once again, Williams is...
We went to a vacation in Mexico.
He came out of a spa, he and his wife and my wife and I,
"Hey, we're going in Robin."
And Robin and I did a probably a 20 minute bit fest.
We just doing all this acting and acting.
And my wife was going to his wife...
They were saying hello to each other.
We walk away and my wife goes, "What just happened there?"
(laughs)
I said, "Robin got a new car, his older boy having..."
I went through all the stuff, she goes,
"Somehow in the middle of that
you got all that information?" (laughs)
I said, "Well, comics do bits, or rifts,
and in there I hear what they're actually saying."
- [Kelly] I love that, and other people are confused,
they get odd-- - [Tim] They're confused,
no they don't want. - [Kelly] I like it.
Do you ever feel like, because you are so funny,
that people expect it everywhere you go?
- Well-- - 'Cause people often think
I just sing everywhere.
Like I'm in a musical in life or something. (laughs)
And I'm like, "I don't sing everywhere."
- [Tim] Don't you? - Nope!(laughs)
Gonna try it at Target next time, (laughs)
pressured!(chuckles) - No, I said,
- Nope? - Well, listen to me,
there's two different stories come to mind.
Bob Saget's a friend of mine
and he used to come to comedy shows,
and he's just out of his mind, "How do you guys do that?"
And he said the same thing. - Yeah.
- 'Cause I rift during the day.
And I said, "Bob, somehow you go
into a room and go,
♪ Do do do do do do ♪
You make music."
And he goes, "It just comes to me."
I said, "For a comedian
I don't know how you do what you do."
- [Kelly] Yeah. - Singers,
I think that's an amazing bit.
To me, a lot of guys that aren't funny offstage.
Like I said, the Marty Shorts are,
I do it at home and now my kid, who you'll meet is...
I do bits at at the table just,
but they're in the middle of the bit.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
You gotta keep doing it, and people go, "That's nothing."
And then I'll figure out what the punchline is.
And my young one loves comedy.
So one night she's doing something to me and I didn't laugh.
And she says, "Dad, you didn't laugh."
And I said "It didn't land." (laughs)
And she got kind of...
She's little.
So she and my wife goes, "Why did you just say that?"
She said, "I'm not gonna..."
- Because you're your mom (laughs).
- Yeah.
So now...
- [Kelly] Now, you're saying. (laughing)
(applauding)
(humming)
No, I said I'm totally projecting my own thing.
I'm totally, (indistinct).
- Well, what just happened?
(laughing)
But I was gonna say, now my kid is so funny
because I do it sometimes,
I'm doing bits and there's a real silence at the table.
The kid looks at me and goes, "Dad, it didn't land."
(applauding)
oh, oh, oh, yeah. - [Kelly] Karma! (applauding)
I love, kids are so honest too,
wine are specifically as well.
But you are also recently spotted with Tom Hanks.
Does that mean that there's another toy story happening?
What's happening?
- Oh!
(applauding)
- What's happening, what's happening?
- You know, Tom and I really become very close friends
from Toy Story one.
He's a very different person than me
and he eats off my plate.
Which I remember that I come from a family (laughs)
you don't do that, because you got a lot of kids.
If I ate it, I wanted my...
So Tom's in the middle of first Toy Story, you going
"Oh, this is just so much fun working with you."
And I go "Those are actually my french fries.
That's why they're in this area here."
He and I differ on so many things,
I adore that man's heart and mind.
And so now we're...
It's the most peculiar lunches.
We've been gonna to lunch since Toy Story one,
twice, two, three times a year.
And we're like two older women because
we will sit almost too close to each other at a booth.
- Yeah. - It's just weird.
And all of a sudden I go, "I think I'm gonna get up
and sit on that side of the table."
And even Reid has asked, Tom says,
"What do you guys talk about?"
And I don't think I've ever trusted a human being
as much as Tom to listen to me, and vice versa.
We've very different opinions on so many things,
but he's gotten me to accept his...
He's really a wonderful engaging person.
And he's the first guy that listens to me and doesn't judge.
And we talk about-- - I love that, open.
(applauding)
Yeah, to be open, it's nice. - Yeah, he's.
- I think that's the only way you progress and grow
and learn about other people's opinions
and maybe yours might
just (indistinct)-- - [Tim] Listen,
just learn to listen,
and not jump in as one buddy of mine said,
"Don't should on people." - [Kelly] Yeah.
- "You know what you should do."
Don't throw in your opinion.
Just listen and be able to walk away from that and go,
"God, I heard, I heard what somebody said."
- Yeah, absolutely.(applauding)