It's going to happen. Sooner or later, you're going to have some kind of experience with
the person. Watch closely as you've learned how to forgive someone. Well, it
happened didn't it? Oh, somebody did something? I know. They hurt you, they
messed with your life. They didn't do what they said they're going to do. And now
what? You know, you're hurt, you're disturbed you're bugged. You're bothered,
you're mad. What do you do? You know, you can... You can go on, you know... And just you
know, you know what though? You hurt right? It's either stuck right here or it's
right here, it's right here. Or maybe it's moved over to your neck
and it feels like it's a pain in the neck right now. It's somewhere in you, you
feel it. And you don't know how to let that go. But you know that it's time to
move on and you're wondering how come I can't forgive this person? How do you do
this? You know, how do you really forgive someone? You're not alone on this. Really,
I I think it's fascinating sometimes we think we're the last one on the planet
who doesn't know how to do things. This topic actually is the one of the most
misunderstood topics in the world today. People really don't know how to forgive.
And so if you don't know how and you feel like you're missing some steps or
missing something and it's just not... Something's not working. Well, that's what
I'm here for you today. I want to help you with some other ways of looking at
this that I believe will help you so that you can let go of some of that. Not
that the other person gets away with what they did. That's not what happens
here but it's so that it doesn't continue to damage you or hold you back.
Because you're now feeling like it's time to move on. So, let's talk for just a
moment and I'm just going to share with you some things that I've learned that it
helped me... Because I'm terrible... It meets... It's just a confession.
Confession, confession. I am terrible at holding grudges. Just terrible at it. I
mean... Meaning, I'm actually good at holding
grudges but that's terrible. And as I've grown up, I've been the you know, the nice
guy and always nice and like, "Oh yeah, I totally forgive you.
Yeah, never." I say it but I don't feel it.
And so I've wrestled with this one for quite a number of years and lots of
study, lots of education, lots of trying to figure out. Well, how do
I do this so I can literally move on myself? Because when you don't forgive
somebody, it starts to mess with your life. You know what I'm talking about?
Okay, so let's let's look at this. What do you do? Well, one of the first things you
want to look at is how do you get your mind to see beyond what's happened?
What's going on right now. A big part of forgiveness is how we're
thinking inside of our head. And how we're looking at the situation. If I
don't look at how I'm going to be doing in a week or a month from now, if I don't
put my mind back out into seeing things being better, then my mind is going to
keep seeing things as the way it is right now. So, I gotta take my mind
there. Not wait for my mind to get back out to look forward to the future. I want
to be able to see,,, I've learned that I need to be able to take my mind and go, "I
see this situation resolving, I see this relationship being able to come to some
kind of resolve or or some kind of agreement. And we literally move forward
and we're okay with each other. Or I've made a choice to never interact with
that person again." But I see it moving forward. You see when we, when we don't
have that insight of things moving forward, we actually can feel very stuck
in the moment. But our mind is not going to go there by itself. We have to be the
ones to take our mind that direction. So, you...Aa work you can do is you can get on
your laptop or get a pad of paper out. And you start to create the way you want
it to be starting today. Or the way you wish it would could be next week.
But we actually have to start making a wish or creating a story of how we
really wish this thing would turn out. Because then we're actually giving it
some direction. Because while you're trying to figure out how to forgive this
person, there's no direction. It's just kind of all just in a big mesh pot right
now. And it doesn't seem like there's any way you're ever going to get out of it.
But you're in charge of you. You're in charge of you. And if you don't take your
mind to a place of seeing it come to some kind of agreement or resolve or a
decision, who else is going to make this happen? We got to take charge of that. And
today is a great day for you to take charge of, "This is how I see this and
this is how it's going to turn out. And I'm going to write this down in how it's going
to turn out." Don't just think about it because thoughts can get twisted and changed
and put down and and and forgot about. You put this in writing so that it's in
a way for you to be able to commit to it, to agree to it, to put all your ideas on
paper. Now, you're not trying to draft this in one perfect setting, Maybe it's
just a bunch of bullet points or a bunch of thoughts of like, "I wish we were still
talking. I wish we could sit down in the same room together. I wish we could be
friends again. I wish we could..." You know? But you write down all these wishes and
wants about how it's going to resolve. And then you can actually take the
charge of your mind and point it in the direction of where you wish this could
go. The next part is in the writing, you're actually beginning to express
yourself. Getting out those feelings and those thoughts that are going on inside
of you. Along with creating the paragraph of you know what how you wish this would
turn out, maybe on a separate piece of paper,
you really write down how you feel. You know, that maybe you got something else
you need to express about it that you didn't say to them because you're
worried it's going to hurt them or it's going to offend them more. Because I know
people and people do not fully express themselves. Every person I've ever met
has held back emotions and held back what they were going to say.
And as long as you have some talk or some emotion that you held back, it's
like putting a a sliver way down deep inside of you in the bottom of your
heart and it's just going to Fester over the years. So, you got your one part
you're writing your story about where you're going you got the second part, you
got to get all the rest of that expression out. And really express how
you feel. Every thought and feeling and be completely honest with yourself and
how you feel. Now that... Well, you're right down there, you don't give that to a
person. That's going to be very intense and a lot of emotion and it's going to have
a lot of other stuff mixed in there. Meaning, other experiences and past
experiences. But it just gives you a way to express yourself so that you can help
this story to be able to happen. You know, the way you want to see it from now on.
So, there's number 1 and number 2. And these are things that I do. This is what
I'm doing. Now, number 3 is you know, what kind of new commitment? What kind of
what kind of way am I going to be with people from this point on? Another place
that we get hung up in forgiveness is we want the other person to change. And
we're going to wait for the other person to change. When's that going to happen. And
you're going to wait till they change so that you know that forgiveness process
is complete? That's not going to happen. I have kids, I'm married, I'm an employer. I
have employees. If I waited for somebody else to change their life before I feel
like this forgiveness process has come to a close, that is not going to happen. And
I will have a whole bunch of unfinished forgiveness processes with people. My
life will turn into a mess. So, I make an agreement with myself about how I'm
going to change. And then the other person, they... They can... They can figure out
what they're going to do with their life but I'm going to find a way for me to
change, for me to improve. So that means I also learn from this experience. And
there's something about me that I need to change. That's the first and foremost
agreement. Now, if you can sit down with the person
and they will talk to you and you can come to an agreement of how things are
going to work between the 2 of you, that's the second agreement you can make or
clarify. So, you can move forward and that's part of a forgiveness process is
being able to talk and to come to grips of like what could happen
from this point on? But first and foremost, in the agreement zone, you must
come to a new agreement with yourself and how you're going to behave, how you're
going to act and how you're going to approach things. And then second, if
they're open to it, you talk about an agreement with them and and come to some
new decisions and some new ways for things to happen. Then the last one is to
have some mercy. To be able to have some mercy with that
person, all of us mess up a lot. And you don't even hold all your agreements.
There's... You do forgiveness process with everybody else too. But have some
mercy on each other. Because we all mess up and we all are really struggling with
bad behaviors and addictive behaviors. We all have addictive behaviors with
food or substances or our activities. We all got something to... We wish people
would forgive us for... Or we're trying to forgive ourselves. But if we come hard...
We'd come down people really hard like they're the only ones who make mistakes
and we're going to act like we're all self righteous or something,
you are going to mess up relationships a lot in your life. I really believe
there's some mercy we ought to be giving each other. And we have some agreements
that we make with our self and them. You know and and we create these new stories
about where we're going we express ourselves on paper not on people. But if
we can have some mercy with each other, we actually can stay in that connection
with humanity. That we're all struggling. To really live the life we want and but
we keep making mistakes. But I think mercy for each other could really help
in this forgiveness process. Because then you feel like you can let go of what
happened and then you can look at the new agreements they've been put in place,
you've expressed everything that was in your heart
and your mind and so you feel free and clear of that. And now you have this new
story about where you're going. And how you see it coming together. That's
beautiful. This is what I've learned how to do.
Because it... When I wasn't doing something like this... What I wasn't doing this ,my
heart was heavy. A lot of sadness and a lot of hurt on the inside. But this helps
me be able to forgive the person and then the 2 of us help each other
moving forward so that we can improve our situation, improve our life as we
interact with each other. So, I hope this helps because my intention here is to
reach out to you today because I know this hurts. And I know that this can be a
challenge and it's not easy. A lot of emotions. And that's why you go through
this expression piece and write down your thoughts and feelings. And all along
my way, I never give somebody that piece of paper and I don't ask anybody else
ever to read those things. It's just me getting rid of all that those thoughts
and feelings. But if this has not happened to you yet, you might want to
come back and watch this video again when it does happen. Pretty much in a
given month of 30 days, you're going to have an experience with an individual
where you get to practice forgiving them and you get to practice forgiving
yourself. It's just how life goes. So, maybe we get to practice this and get to
practice having mercy on each other. But that's what we're doing here. My mission
and my wife and I am Kim and I, this is our mission is to help. Be able to help,
lay it out and give some ideas and some steps of what to do. So you don't have to
keep suffering and living a life of misery because you're struggling with
forgiveness. And a smart thing to do would be to subscribe here to our
channel so that you can receive each one of our training videos that comes out to
you because it's about real life. In real life situations you will run
into. So subscribe here to our channel. And also, go check out our website at
3keyelements.com. We've got some great training programs about
relationships, about personal development and about skill levels about how to
teach and help other people. But stay close to us, stay connected. We're here to
help you in those moments when things don't make sense. And that's what we're
here for. Because your life matters.