>> Tom: HE WANTS TO PUT A
CHECK ON THE DUDE WITH THE THIN
NECK.
A BAN ON ADAM SCHIFF, WHILE A
PUNDIT SWINGS AND WHIPS.
MATT GAETZ IS INTRODUCING THE
PENCIL RESOLUTION, TO BAR
CONGRESSMAN -- I KNEW THAT WOULD
GET IT.
AND U.S. SENATE CANDIDATE
ADAM SCHIFF FROM ACCESSING
CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.
PENCIL STANDS FOR "PREVENTING
EXTREME NEGLIGENCE WITH
CLASSIFIED INFORMATION
LICENSES."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THE RESOLUTION AIMS TO BAR
SCHIFF FROM GETTING HIS HANDS ON
CLASSIFIED DOCS AND CALLS FOR AN
ETHICS INVESTIGATION INTO HIM,
STEMMING FROM HIS ROLE IN THE
RUSSIA COLLUSION HOAX, A THEORY
WITH BIGGER HOLES IN IT THAN
HUNTER BIDEN’S SEPTUM.
BUT OF COURSE, PENCIL ALSO
CLEVERLY REFERS TO SCHIFF’S
SKINNY NECK.
CAN I MAKE SKINNY NECK JOKES,
KAT?
I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN.
I HAVEN’T SEEN A TROLL THAT GOOD
SINCE STELTER LEFT CNN!
SPEAKING OF TROLLS,
"WASHINGTON POST" COLUMNIST
JENNIFER RUBIN RECENTLY WROTE AN
OP-ED SLAMMING AMERICA’S
GOVERNOR, RON DeSANTIS,
CALLING HIM A "FULL-BLOWN WHITE
SUPREMACIST."
BANNING THE COLLEGE BOARD’S
ADVANCED PLACEMENT FOR
AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDIES COURSE
FROM FLORIDA SCHOOLS.
WAIT, THEY ARE ALREADY CALLING
RON DeSANTIS A WHITE
SUPREMACIST?
I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING UNTIL
AT LEAST MAY!
SHE’S REFERRING TO THE SUNSHINE
STATE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT
REJECTION OF THE ADVANCED
PLACEMENT AFRICAN AMERICAN
STUDIES CLASS DUE TO ITS FOCUS
ON BLACK QUEER STUDIES.
THEN AGAIN, IF I WORKED AT
"THE WASHINGTON POST," I
WOULDN’T LIKE READING, EITHER.
MANY CONSIDERED TO SANTOS A
FRONT RUNNER IN THE 2024
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, SO WE
WANT TO GET JOE’S TAKE ON IT.
>> I HOPE THESE GUYS TOGETHER
AND GET THINGS DONE, WORK
TOGETHER ACROSS THE AISLE.
I LIKE THEM ALL.
AND IT REALLY LIKE THOSE FLORIDA
GUYS ALSO SO MUCH.
I LIKE SCHIFF.
CALIFORNIA, YEAH.
I’M FROM CALIFORNIA -- NO, I’M
FROM -- I KNOW WHERE I’M FROM!
I AM AWARE.
I AM DELAWARE!
HA HA, I GOT IT!
THAT’S HOW I REMEMBER IT!
I DESERVE AN ICE CREAM FOR THAT.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Tom: HE DOES.
LET HIM HAVE AN ICE CREAM.
KAT, YOU TOLD ME IN THE GREEN
ROOM THAT YOU WISH YOU MARRIED
ADAM SCHIFF INSTEAD OF YOUR
HUSBAND.
>> YOU TOLD ME THAT, TOO,
ACTUALLY, TO BE FAIR.
>> EWW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Tom: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
THIS?
FIRST OF ALL, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF GAETZ’S CLEVER LITTLE THING,
AND WILL IT PASS?
>> HIS "CLEVER LITTLE THING."
[LAUGHS]
OBVIOUSLY IT IS A TROLLING THING
TO GET ATTENTION, AND PEOPLE TO
TALK ABOUT IT.
IN THAT SENSE, IT ABSOLUTELY DID
WORK.
BUT THAT’S GOVERNMENT, RIGHT?
YOU CAN BE REALLY BAD AT
SOMETHING OVER AND OVER AND OVER
AGAIN AND STILL KEEP YOUR JOB.
AND ONLY IN THE GOVERNMENT CAN
YOU DO THAT.
THERE’S MANY REASONS WHY HE
SHOULDN’T HAVE ACCESS TO
CLASSIFIED INFORMATION, BUT
APPARENTLY EVERYBODY HAS
CLASSIFIED INFORMATION HANGING
OUT IN THE HOUSE.
THERE’S ALSO A PROBLEM WITH OVER
CLASSIFICATION OF DOCUMENTS.
BASICALLY, I JUST TAKE THE
UPLIFTING VIEW THAT IT’S ALL
HOPELESS.
>> Tom: THAT’S THE BEST WAY TO
GO, I THINK, KAT.
DAGEN, WE MAKE FUN OF SCHIFF ON
THIS SHOW ALL THE TIME.
IT’S HARD FOR PEOPLE TO TAKE
THEM SERIOUSLY.
BUT WHEN YOU TALK TO DEMOCRATS,
ESPECIALLY LEFT-WING DEMOCRATS
FROM CALIFORNIA, THEY REALLY
LIKE THE GUY BECAUSE HE WAS
ENDLESSLY ON DONALD TRUMP, AND
DONALD TRUMP MAKES THEM CRAZY.
HE’S RUNNING FOR THE SENATE NOW.
DO YOU THINK THAT SCHIFF IS NOT
AS SILLY AS WE THINK HE IS IN
TERMS OF DEMOCRATIC POLITICS?
>> HE IS IRRETRIEVABLY STUPID,
TOO, BECAUSE HE WAS USING
CHINESE SPYWARE THAT’S BEING
BANNED ON GOVERNMENT DEVICES TO
BE MOUND GETTING KICKED OFF THE
INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE.
PROVING TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
THAT HE SHOULD BE KICKED OFF THE
INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE, BECAUSE
HE DOESN’T KNOW HE’S USING
CHINESE SPYWARE THAT HAS BEEN
BANNED ON GOVERNMENT DEVICES.
I DIGRESS.
I LOVE THE PENCIL INSULT,
THOUGH.
IT’S JUST SO -- NOT JUST FOR
HIM, BUT IN GENERAL.
PENCIL-NECK --
[LAUGHTER]
NO MAN LIKES BEING CALLED
PENCIL-SKINNY.
EVERY DUDE WOULD WANT TO HAVE A
LITTLE BIT OF PEC, BICEP,
SOMETHING.
AND IT’S NOT JUST "YOU LOOK LIKE
A PENCIL AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE,
TOO," BECAUSE THE ERASER IS KIND
OF FUNKY-SMELLING.
JUST THE IDEA OF, WHAT DOES A
PENCIL ERASER SMELL LIKE?
AND PENCIL SHAVINGS, WHAT DO
PENCIL SHAVINGS SMELL LIKE?
DO YOU REMEMBER VOBAN?
IT’S THE POWDER THEY USE IN
SCHOOLS TO CLEAN UP VOMIT!
PENCIL SHAVINGS SMELL LIKE VOBAN
VOBAN!
>> HOW WEIRD IS IT THAT AT
SCHOOL PEOPLE I JUST VOMITING
ALL THE TIME?
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT’S LIKE SAWDUST, RIGHT?
CAN YOU BLAME THE VOBAN, THOUGH?
>> IF SOMEONE THREW UP HERE AT
WORK EVEN ONE TIME, WE WOULD
TALK ABOUT IT FOREVER.
BUT IT’S COOL IT’S LIKE, "KIDS!"
>> AGAIN, YOU CALL SOMEBODY A
PENCIL, FROM HERE ON OUT, MARK
YOURMY WORDS, YOU’RE GOING TO TH
ABOUT VOBAN.
>> Tom: I THINK MATT GAETZ
MIGHT HAVE BEEN -- GIVE CREDIT
WHERE CREDIT IS DUE, BUT THINK
HE WAS ON THE PHONE FROM
SOMEBODY WHO GAVE HIM THE IDEA
FOR THE PEDS LEGISLATION.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT,
JASON?
>> MAYBE HE HAS A GOOD FRIEND
SOMEWHERE.
THE PENCIL THING IS AN EASY ONE
ON THIS GUY.
THINKING ABOUT THAT TIME AT THE
FRANKLIN INSTITUTE THAT I’VE
PUKED ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW.
HAWAIIAN PUNCH, WARM DAY.
>> Tom: WHO HASN’T?
THAT’S WHY YOU GO TO THE
FRANKLIN INSTITUTE.
>> THIS GUY, SCHIFF, MAKES ME
WANT TO PUKE.
NOT MANY PEOPLE MAKE MY SKIN
CRAWL.
AND GAETZ HAS HIS OWN PROBLEMS.
>> YOU NEVER BEEN TO WASHINGTON,
HAVE YOU?
>> I HAVE BEEN TO WASHINGTON,
BUT I WOULDN’T GET NEAR THESE PEOPLE.
HOW DO WE ELECT SUCH WEIRDOS?
>> Tom: IN A POLITICAL SENSE,
HE’S RUNNING FOR SENATE NOW.
HE WANTS TO BE THE SENATOR FROM
CALIFORNIA.
HE’S A CONGRESSMAN RIGHT NOW.
I THINK HE HAS A GOOD SHOT,
BECAUSE I DO THINK THAT THE LEFT
KIND OF LIKES THIS GUY.
>> FIRST OF ALL, I DON’T KNOW IF
WE CAN GET THROUGH THE SEGMENT
WITHOUT AT LEAST MENTIONING THAT
MATT GAETZ HAS SOME ISSUES TO
WORK OUT.
SO LET’S JUST START WITH THAT.
BUT I WILL ALSO SAY, HIS WHOLE
RATIONALE FOR NOT WANTING SCHIFF
TO SERVE ON THE INTEL COMMITTEE
IS THAT HE SAYS SCHIFF GOT IT
DEAD WRONG WITH THE TRUMP RUSSIA
COLLUSION NARRATIVE.
FINE.
BUT IF THE BAR FOR CEDING
MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ON
COMMITTEES IS THAT THEY CAN
NEVER BE DEAD WRONG ABOUT
SOMETHING, WE WOULD LITERALLY
HAVE NO COMMITTEES IN
WASHINGTON.
SO IT’S A LITTLE BIT OF A
SLIPPERY SLOPE TO GO DOWN.
>> Tom: FROM A POLITICAL
STANDPOINT, I WOULD THINK, IF I
WERE McCARTHY, I WOULDN’T LET
THESE GUYS, INCLUDING SWALWELL
COME ON THESE COMMITTEES.
BECAUSE THEY ARE IN THE
MINORITY, THEY DON’T HAVE A
CHANCE TO CHALLENGE THESE GUYS.
NOW THAT THEY ARE RUNNING THE
COMMITTEES, GO AHEAD.
LET ADAM SCHIFF GET UP THERE,
AND WHEN HE SAYS RUSSIA
COLLUSION, YOU GOT TO SAY, YOU
GOT TO GIVE ME THE GOOD NOW
BECAUSE WE ARE RUNNING THE
COMMUNITY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, KAT?
>> YOU CAN TRY, BUT THINK OF HOW
LONG A TIME HE SPENT BEING ABLE
TO TALK ABOUT IT WHEN HE ALSO
REALLY HAD NOTHING.
I DON’T KNOW THAT IT WOULD BE
THAT SIMPLE OR GO THAT WAY.
>> WITH SWALWELL, IT’S NOT THE
TALKING, IT WAS THE SHTUPPING OF
A CHINESE SPY THAT WAS A PROBLEM.