Hey there this is Clay and today I want to talk about why it's not a good idea to ask
your ex for commitment right away.
Okay, so the reason why you probably are not going to get great results asking your ex
for commitment right off the bat is simply this, number one, they need to be able to
viscerally experience the fact that something is different between you and them.
Okay?
They can't just come right out of the bamboo like, yeah, I want to get back together with
you unless you know, some like weird thing happens like once in a blue moon or something,
but the way that they're gonna change their mind about getting back together with you
is when they realize that they are not walking right back into the same relationship that
they walked out the door and in the first place.
Okay, you're going to have to show them that something is going to be different.
Okay.
That is why we advocate really learning the advanced relational skills that we talk about
inside the program and all that stuff.
So you know when you can interact with them in a completely different way and you can
interact with your ex and a completely new and better way, they will be able to feel
at a very deep emotional level that things are going to be different.
Okay.
It's not enough to just say I've checked to just say you've changed.
It's not enough to tell them that things are going to be different.
It's not enough to apologize.
They have to be able to experience themselves, that things are going to be different.
Okay.
Because you can't like just logic or reason with your ex and be able to be like, yeah,
I think it will be different.
Unlike a totally better person I promised boy scouts on or anything like that.
You have to be able to show them that things are going to be different.
You have to be able to demonstrate this on a consistent basis.
Okay.
And that means that you're going to have to do this in a way where you will end up hanging
out with them and interacting with them consistently.
So they get that things are going to be different.
Which means you're not going to ask them to get back together right away because the very
first time you contact and the very first time you meet up with him, that is not a consistent
basis.
That's one instance.
Okay, and they're going to need to see this over a series of meetups.
I don't know how many.
It might be.
Two, might be three, might be 10.
It could be.
I don't know.
It's going to be different because what you're trying to do is you're trying to restore your
excess trust in you and the relationship and trust is an emotion.
Okay?
Trust is something that is felt.
It's not a decision to be made.
It's not something that can just be flipped on or off.
Okay.
And in order for them to trust you.
Again, it depends on a lot of things like them personally, their emotional world, what
the two of you went through and all that stuff.
Okay?
So I can't give you a specific number of times that equals consistency.
Okay.
It's just something that you're going to have to ride out and what you want to do is you
want to have focused on having great interactions with your ex during that time.
Okay.
Were the two of you can actually just enjoy being with each other when we have.
You can just have a great time and that is going to really show them that they can actually
interact you and it can feel good and all that.
That's going to open the door too much better things in the future.
Okay.
And when you two can have like really great interactions and when the two of you on a
really great place where you know the, the positive feelings are like mostly there.
That is when you can ask for a commitment.
Okay.
We talk about all of this in the program and everything like that.
So I'm not going to beat this to death here.
Maybe in some different video or something but not right here, but just understand there
is a time and a place for asking for a commitment, but it's definitely not right at the beginning.
Okay.
It's definitely not the beginning.
I know you're in pain.
I really get that.
Okay.
I want you to know that I understand that you're in pain, but unfortunately just how
human psychology works and all that, you know, it's not gonna happen that fast and you're
going to need to just be able to carry on for a little bit longer at least.
Okay.
I don't know.
How long is it gonna take for you?
What are you going to have to demonstrate to your ex?
Things are going to be different on a consistent basis that those are two very important things.
It has to be demonstrable.
Okay?
It means you have to be able to physically show them.
Like if you're like, yeah, I'm not an angry guy anymore, then you're gonna have to like
physically show them on a day to day basis on, you know, every aspect of your life that
you're not going to lose your temper and that you're a cool headed person and that, you
know, after you do that number two on a consistent timeframe, they'll start to change their opinion
of you and they'll start to consider the idea of, yeah, maybe things are going to be different
when we get back together because again, your ex does not want to walk back into the same
relationship that they left in the first place.
Something has to be different for them to want to come back.
Okay?
And you're going to have to show them that.
So I hope this answers your question about why, you know, it's not a great idea to really
ask for the commitment right away.
And I hope it tells you a little bit about maybe what's going on and what you're going
to have to do moving forward.
And if you'd like some more help on how to get back together with the person that you
have, please head on over to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up there and, you know, you can get
help through help from us through our newsletter and we'll start sending you tips to help you
get back together with the person that you love.
So again, this has been Clay and thank you.
See you over on relationshipinnergame.com.