Hi! How are you?
Sorry, what's your name?
- Duncan, and you are?
Bec
- Bec how are you?
Yeah, nice to meet you!
- Nice to meet you too!
In this great situation.
- I mean, it's fine. I mean, I'm in a hollowed out barrel and you're... like, look at this!
That is fucking awesome!
- I thought I'd take the least dignified of the two seats.
I think I want a guy who's rough around the edges, kind of long hair, bit rocky looking,
band t-shirt, Doc Martins, ha!
- Er, someone who's attracted to me really, otherwise you get the sort of resistance that's
not fun to really push against.
Errrrr, I'd say from giving you a brief it wasn't quite... you didn't quite get it right.
Drinks are a great idea!
- This is a really good idea.
Beer cocktails! Cor, ok I'll get the Country House then please.
- I'll get the Hedge Row. Have I accidentally ordered the girly one and you've ordered the
manly one?
Oh potentially, we'll see how it comes.
Cheers! - Cheers!
The problem was, when we first got there, erm, Duncan announced that he hadn't been
drinking. So that kind of worried me slightly, because I kind of thought in this situation,
which is a little bit awkward, you kind of need a drink to relax you a little bit.
- I've just, kind of, accepted that everything I do is fairly awkward, so I'm not really...
not really bothered by it. I barely notice it, it's just kind of a low hum.
Erm, I think we probably need some more drinks as well.
Waiter: "Do you want to go for the same or do you want to try different ones?"
- Oh different ones.
Different.
- Variety. Spice of life.
- She's ordering a lot of drinks, very quickly. Every time he came over, she'd be like: "Oh
and two more of whatever."
Can I get another one of the country something?
- And it's like: "Ok, yeah, fine, cool. If that's how we're playing it."
My hairdresser said to me the other day... he's my friend and he insisted on giving me
a blowjob. A blowjob! Ha ha ha!
- You can keep that in.
A blow dry! A blow dry!
- A blow dry.
But, erm, what was I going to say? That's really thrown me off now.
I guess it's just when you're not meant to say something you say it, don't you? Blowjob/blow dry.
It's all the same.
- I don't think she was offering one.
(Plate crashes to the floor)
Oh dear!
- Hang on, we got it.
It's OK. Sorry, we just dropped a plate.
- She did knock a plate on the floor but, I mean, there were a lot of plates on the
table, so maybe that's fine.
- Do you remember when Kristen Stewart got... as in, like, her from Twilight? She, someone
like... Oh you don't know who Kristen Stewart is. Ooooh.
Oh, erm.... I don't know who many people are.
- Oh we should do a quick, like who do you know?
I thought Bruce Willis was black until about two weeks ago.
- After looking at him or?
No because I didn't know what he looked like.
- That's reasonable.
I don't really watch films. I own one film. One DVD.
- You own one film?
It's Rocky Two.
- Ha ha ha!
You see, people who are into films are really into their films, so I imagine he was quite
tormented with that.
- I hate doing this but... Six? I would say.
Ssssssssiix.
- Nah, I think you're alright. I've got quite a lot on. Ha ha!
Yeah, there just wouldn't be any point. Ha ha!
Right, ok, shall we do the goodbye?
- We have to do the goodbye.
So, so nice to meet you!
- Nice to meet you! Lovely!
It was really fun.
- Yeah, no. This is the weirdest thing!
I'll see you soon.