Welcome to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert folks
I don't know about y'all how you're feeling but I come to you tonight both gratified and terrified
gratified because Raphael Warnock defeated Herschel Walker 51. 4 to 48.6 percent come on
and terrified because 48.6 percent of Georgians
looked at Herschel Walker and went yeah that guy should be U.S senator
one of the biggest reasons I am gratified is that with the election over I finally get to use the
jokes we wrote a month ago for election night do we have do we have the uh do we have the hold on
it's sealed with wax that's back when New York was still under the feudal system I
think get this thing open there what do we got here look at that um ah Warnock has won
Georgia it's fitting he's a reverend because when I hear that all I can say is thank God [Applause]
this is a tough break for Walker though it'll take a couple of days to understand what has happened
with this month old it's a month old joke that's a month old joke
with this loss Walker is expected to return to his previous job lying about having previous jobs
but on the bright side it gives him more time to spend with his family
and more time to figure out who that is there you go have that have those
have those jokes etched onto titanium plates and buried in the desert
one interesting wrinkle here is that Walker was hand-picked by the former president against the
advice of everyone who had met Herschel Walker but last night walker did something that goes
against his mentor's core beliefs he accepted reality Walker conceded but in his speech you
try to keep things positive hey I'm a winner we all winners so we're all winners and that's
what I want to say we're all winners that's true Herschel in some ways we're all winners
not in this way in this way you lost but in other ways we're winners and in celebration
of you winning and losing we'll be sending you this beautiful trophy world's most dad
Walker working not too bad
Walker talked about the moment he realized his long rambly path was stumbling to an end we've
had a tough Journey have we not but one of the things I said is they when they called
the race I said enormous those look like they're going to add up no the numbers did not add up
clearly he's learning his numbers the next thing you know we'll have to tell more babies come from
from you Herschel apparently they're all from you so sure Herschel Walker Walker so a bad night
for Herschel Walker but a great night for Raphael Warnock who had to win five elections in the last
two years here's how he kicked off his victory speech after a hard fought campaign [Applause]
or should I say campaigns
it is my honor to utter the four most powerful words
ever spoken in a democracy we have the meats warnock's win is especially exciting because
it's yet another blow to the former president even before last night the major candidates that
he endorsed in Nevada Arizona Pennsylvania New Hampshire and Michigan all lost and now
goose eggs
and now some GOP insiders are saying Georgia may be remembered
as the state that broke him once and for all yes Georgia broke him boom
or as I just texted everyone on my phone Peach emoji fist emoji [Applause]
people love it I'm getting lots of exclamation points
oh speaking of uh toxic narcissists Twitter CEO and world's richest lump of nougat Elon Musk
as part of his move to make Twitter hardcore elon's been asking Twitter workers to stay long
hours at the office and on Monday he took it a step further and outfitted Twitter's
headquarters with bedrooms for employees I'm not surprised he puts beds in the office he
doesn't want his employees to be woke so what kind of thank you very much thank you [Music]
so what kind of luxury Tech Wellness rooms were these apparently they
consisted of unmade mattresses drab curtains and giant conference room
monitors that's not a bedroom that's where you wake up after the serial killer one
this is bad for a lot of reasons but let's not forget it's also sad Elon
if you want to have a sleepover just ask all of your friends oh right so
so
these bedrooms sound pretty bleak but there are some perks insiders report one room has a plant
see why spend time with your family when you can hang out with plant and if living at Twitter
sounds bad it's actually worse because also on Monday Twitter's janitors went on strike I do
not blame them people are sleeping in their offices showering in the bathrooms and some
idiot tore the sink off the wall and Now ladies and gentlemen join me now as we visit the world
of magazines the Twitter of print because today Time Magazine unveiled their person of the year
Ukrainian president velodimir zielinski that's lovely nice photo that's pretty cool Christy
Christy darn cool but even more impressive he made the cover of Cosmo I feel like
he doesn't seem that happy about it on the cover but he made it I feel I can share in
this honor just a little bit because times has a huge part of zelinski's success can
be traced to his career as a TV comedian writing zelenski was adaptable trained not
to lose his nerve Under Pressure he knew how to read a crowd and react to its moods
and expectations oh sure comedy is the perfect training for wartime leadership
it's probably why no one has dared to invade the Ed Sullivan Theater here we go yeah
thank you well that and we have nukes thank you Dave staying in Europe there's there's news Alf
Deutschland where the German politai have arrested 25 far-right Terror suspects who are influenced by
Q Anon and plotting to overthrow the government okay I hope you were plotting the arresting them
and not applauding the Q Anon or else Security will be saying something to you before you leave
that is gratifying and terrifying as well gratifying because we're not the
only country Q Anon is trying to overthrow and terrify him because we're not the only
country Q Anon is trying to overthrow it turns out far-right terrorism is a threat all around
the planet and this this plot was on a huge scale thousands of police officers carried out
raids all across the country now that sounds intense but remember it was done with those
adorable European Sirens [Music] oh this is so cute it's coming to get us whew [Applause]
meanwhile back in America New Jersey is a place and I feel like I just broke some nose
and people are from there and one of the people from New Jersey we just found out about it was
former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's niece who you may have read was kicked off a
Spirit Airlines flight and arrested after she allegedly accused a Latino family of
smuggling cocaine and injuring six Sheriff deputies so pretty standard flight for Spirit
got a great show for you tonight [Applause]
Colbert questionnaire to Mariah Carey that's right the queen of
Christmas Is Here stick around [Applause] [Music]