What's up, beautiful people? It is your homegirl, Shameless, all up in my bedroom.
Yes... so this video is long overdue.
I have been meaning to film this and have found every excuse not to.
But this has been requested numerous times through email, inbox, tumblr...
And I think I just need to just do it so I can move on with my life and hopefully help you guys move on with your life.
New York City. Don't mind the sirens.
For those of you that are aware, in my draw my life video, that was the first time...
and I believe the only time that I mentioned that I was divorced.
And it has been one of the most painful things in my life, to date.
But for me, I stayed strong by surrounding myself with trustworthy, positive friends and family members.
I'm very grateful to my family.... I owe so much to them for remaining strong.
I wear this and it's because I believe in Jesus Christ and I believe in love and I believe in faith.
And I'm also open minded and believe in a lot of practices.
But for me, I started to find my faith because of...
... the challenges that I was facing. And I felt that I did everything. I did the counseling. I did the books.
I did everything but pray. And pray hard and go to church. So that's what I started to do.
And honestly it's the prayer, my family and friends, my faith that really kept me going.
And also just throwing myself into work.
All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone in my room.
And I remember calling one of my friends. I wanted to give myself a week to be miserable, to sleep and stay under my covers and just be depressed.
I wanted to give myself a week, and told my friend I just need a week to just mourn.
And my friend was like, 'you don't got a week. You have to pay your rent. You have ish you need to handle.'
And he really snapped me out of it. I'm here in New York City alone.
So I just threw myself into my work, and I just ended up filming, editing and uploading videos like nobody's business.
And that's part of what saved me--this channel and your comments.
And honestly, it was the pain and... the drama and the heartache that really gave me energy
and fueled me to want to be better and do better and change who I was into something better.
I could easily be pissed off at the world, and pissed off at him, and pissed off at the situation but that doesn't solve my problem.
So I just focused on becoming the best I could be.
The thing I learned is you can't change a person. You can't change someone to be this ideal, better version of themselves.
And when I realized that, I just focused--and continue to focus--on myself.
I'm completely capable of changing who I am. I'm always going to remain--at the core--Maya.
But I can change bad habits. I can change them into good habits. And I can develop good habits, and that's what I've set my life and attention on doing.
I feel that a lot of women, especially, are ashamed of not being a successful wife. I don't know if that makes any sense, it might to people that have gone through what I'm going through.
But don't continue to live in shame. Don't be ashamed of the fact that your marriage didn't work out. Things just don't work out.
The only thing you can do is move forward. You can't just worry about--because I was really worried about what people would think of.
And I viewed myself as a failure. And I was so concerned about ideas and thoughts that I had to flip a switch in
my brain and say, 'look, what's most important here is my happiness and just becoming better.'
So the minute I made that shift, every other thought and pre-notion that I had of, you know, my idea of what I'm supposed to be... fell by the wayside.
So hang in there. Surround yourself with positive, trustworthy family and friends.
It's not something I encourage you to talk openly with to everyone, but people--even if it's just a few. The fewer, the better.
For me it was prayer and work. And just focusing on all the positive, good things that are in my life, because there is so much positivity and great things happening
that I can't let something destroy me. And what don't kill you only makes you stronger.
You have a choice. You can choose to be miserable--and I'm so glad that my friend helped me and reminded me that
I can choose to do that or I can choose to work through it. And I chose the latter.
And hence this channel and video.
It takes time. It takes a lot of time. And I still think I'm working through it when things are quiet and I don't allow the distractions to get to me.
I know Mr. Shameless, Mr. Superman is out there. And I just have to make sure I bring my A game.
And work through all my ish, because we all have ish we have to work through. So I'm just working through all of that.
So when Mr. Shameless presents himself, I'll be on my A game. He'll be on his A game.
Because I do believe, you know, you attract what you put out. So I know I have a lot of work to do.
And when I'm ready, he will materialize into thin air.
But thank you guys for tuning in. And to anyone going through a divorce or heartache of any sort, I feel your pain, but trust me it does get better.
You will survive. You will be stronger because of it.
Keep the faith.
Let me know if you guys have gone through a divorce and how you remain strong through that.
Remember to do you, be you, and stay true.
Be shameless.