Poppy: Hi, I'm Poppy.
Joel: Hi, I'm Joel.
Lia: Hi, I'm Lia.
Poppy: And today we're talking about love.
Poppy: So many people have different expectations of what they think love is, it's very
hard to define, but how do you think the reality of being in a
relationship matched up with that?
Joel: I think you can look at adults when
you're younger and think that "oh, someone must have taught them the way to do this
and the way to have a relationship" but no one does that.
You've got to find your own way in a relationship and just, basically it
depends on the person. You've got to bounce off of them and sort of between
you come up with the way...
Lia: What works.
Joel: What works, yeah.
Lia: I think you do have to talk to people outside of, you know, in your friendship group
about it, but not too much. You just end up talking to your friends about
your relationship and everyone's got an opinion. I think it's important to balance those
with your own thoughts unless there's something quite seriously going on.
Poppy: Yeah.
Lia: A lot of people like to interfere with
relationships but they're not in it. It's just you and the other person so...
Poppy: Yeah, and as long as you're respecting the other person in that relationship...
Lia: And they're respecting you obviously.
Poppy: Exactly.
Poppy: What are some initial feelings that you had in your first relationships?
Joel: Feeling a bit claustrophobic or trapped by the other
person, because I'm quite independent and like my own space. So then having someone
else constantly there, constantly wanting to hang out and texting and
things like that, for me I had to learn, actually, I need to change a little bit
to, you know, give a bit more. But equally they had to learn to ease off a little bit.
Poppy: It's definitely good to communicate these things and keep
talking to each other and making sure you're both happy.
Joel: Yeah, I think communication is key isn't it.
Lia: A hundred per cent. That is what I've
learned over all of every relationship: talk.
Poppy: Yeah you were talking about
feelings of... potentially feeling a bit clingy in your relationship or the
other person feeling clingy and sometimes when you're in a relationship
you can often get a bit obsessed by that person and forget about friends and family
and other stuff you do... Lia: Oh, it's the worst!
Joel: Yeah we often have that with mutual friends when they've got in relationships
and we're like "they don't see me anymore!"
Lia: You've lost them, they're off the map!
Joe: And I think that's a really important thing to do, is to keep seeing your friends. I don't know
why people do it, it must just be like you said, that getting obsessed with that one person.
Lia: People end up getting into relationships and then sharing the
same circle of friends, so then if that relationship was to ever end it puts so
much pressure on the friendship circle because it's like taking sides.
"Who do I like more?" and "Uhh I was her friend before they got together" and that
is so stressful. Have your own friends. Have your own life outside of your
relationship and then respect the relationship and respect each other's
friendships and space.
Poppy: So it's important as well to have
realistic expectations from the other person as you're both human, you both
have stuff going on and so it's not always going to be amazing and happy and
perfect all the time.
Joel: I think relationships can go through seasons and
just because it might be going through like... maybe it's a little bit of
a rough patch but that doesn't mean that the relationship shouldn't work necessarily,
unless there's something majorly wrong. It's just that's a natural part of it and it
might just be as simple as someone's not got enough as much time anymore to go on
dates and things like that, but I think as long as you address it and
communicate with each other it's not going to last forever. It's just, you know,
as long as you're talking about it.
Poppy: And you have to remember that they don't necessarily know what you're
feeling. If you're not expressing it and you're keeping it all inside, then it can
be quite hard for them to read and to know whether you're okay or whether you're not.
Lia: Definitely.
Poppy: So, what are your top three tips for being happy in a relationship?
Lia: Top tip number one has got to be...
Joel: Communicate.
Lia: Communicate! Definitely.
Communication is key. The key to every relationship, not just
romantically. Friendship to work, everything.
Joel: I think another one I would
say is about the friends. I think that's really important, to keep having your own
circle of friends don't abandon your friends as soon as you get into a relationship.
Lia: Don't abandon the rest of your life and drop everything. Joel: No.
Lia: You know when you start saying no to hobbies because you've got a boyfriend? No! Go for it!
Poppy: Go horse riding.
Lia: Go horse riding! Don't not go.
Joe: What's your third tip?
Lia: The third tip is just enjoy it I think. You've got to enjoy it. You've got to...
Joel: What's point if you're not enjoying it?
Lia: What's the point? What is the point?
Poppy: Exactly. Love it.
Lia: Love it!
Poppy: Thank you very much for coming in.
Lia: No worries.
Poppy: And we'll see you next time.
All: Bye!