Hi.
Welcome... to Dad's ASMR.
Why don't you relax to the calm tones of Dad's voice?
Allow your body to experience...
the autonomous sensory meridian response...
of the many soothing sounds...
of Dad.
Let's begin...
with some soft-spoken...
dad jokes...
to ease our minds.
Mom and Dad got in a fight.
Cheryl was upset with Dad...
for getting lost on the way to STORE.
She said... I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my things... and I right.
[wheezing laughter]
How do you turn water... into holy water?
You boil the HELL out of it.
[wheezing laughter]
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
[wheezing laughter]
Okay. [sighs]
That was really funny. [chuckles]
Oh.
Did you hear about the worker...
in the nitroglycerin plant?
Blew his entire left half of his body off?
Don't worry.
He's all RIGHT now.
[wheezing laughter]
[sigh] Oh...
Classic laughter. [chuckles]
And now... for the greatest dad joke of all:
mine.
What's a pancake's job... in a baseball game?
Batter.
[loud wheezing laughter]
[sigh]
It never gets old.
[sigh]
That was nice.
Now, how about some tapping?
[soft tapping]
[tapping]
[rapid tapping]
Oooh.
What's this?
[crinkling]
[pop]
[crinkling]
[popping]
[crinkling]
[pop]
[crinkling]
[pop]
[crinkling]
[pop, crinkling]
[popping]
[crinkling]
[popping]
[crinkling]
[loud revving]
[loud sawing]
[Low voice:] They'll never know.
[loud sawing]
[hammering]
[banging hammer on wood]
Mmmm.
Now we're relaxed.
I know all the dads out there are.
Hmmm.
Oooh.
How about some Dad hums?
[Dad hum]
[lower Dad hum]
[even lower Dad hum]
[higher Dad hum]
[loud drilling]
[drilling]
[drill revving and disconnecting]
[rubbing microphone]
[loud metallic banging]
[metallic banging]
Thing's been clogged for months!
[loud metallic banging]
[frustrated groan]
[multiple power tools running at once]
[Low voice:] I'll drain them.
[multiple power tools running at once]
[sighs]
That was nice.
Thanks for relaxing to some Dad ASMR.
Goodbye.