- Scooter is a very smart dog.
In fact, Scooter's like a little detective himself.
He led law emergency workers toe
his old family had been burned to death in a fire.
In fact, he even tried to rescue one of them.
But you didn't, did you?
No, you didn't.
They're all burned and dead!
(surf rock music sting)
How you doing today, sir?
- Hello there.
- Sorry to interrupt your trick,
but do you have a permit?
- A permit?
The great Jeff does not need a .
- Well, I'm afraid you do.
Sorry, folks, just gonna have tk
this gentleman to move along.
Afraid the show's over.
Sir, I want you to place your hands behind your back for me.
- You're going to handcuff me?
With standard issued handcuffs?
- [Cherisha] That's right.
- Made of solid stainless steel.
Can you listen for me,
and tell me what that sound is, Officer Kimball?
What is that sound?
The sound of freedom!
(crowd cheers and claps)
- Well, I wonder how you do with riot cuffs.
- There is no key that can let you out of this device.
Only a metal object, only a sha.
- [Cherisha] Let's see how you do on this one.
- Oh gosh, I wish these cuffs were off of me!
Blam! (laughing)
- Oh my God.
(crowd clapping)
Where did?
That is something.
I mean, I don't-
- Is this possibly?
Does this possibly belong to yo?
(crowd applauding)
- Oh my Lord, and this is my favorite crucifix
from when I was just a little g,
and it was on my neck just a se,
but it sure isn't now!
- (laughing) But not anymore!
- Ladies and gentlemen, I wonder if the great Jeff
can escape the Reno Sheriff's Department police car!
- This squad car is reinforced with an impenetrable cage.
- Absolutely impenetrable.
Once inside this vehicle, there is no escape.
- You cannot let yourself out from the inside.
- You cannot, once inside, and I will demonstrate for you,
this car locks so you can't get.
- Ladies and gentlemen, act two!
(audience applauding)
- [Cherisha] Hey!
(siren blares)
- Oh, let's get down- - Stay in school.
- Who's with me?
He's awesome, oh yeah.
God! - Hey, hey, whoa, whoo.
- Howdy, minstrel. - Oh, hello officers.
- Sir, we got a report that there's been some,
some drugs selling going on wit-
- Oh my. - The students here
in this immediate area. - Whereabouts?
- Well, right in this area.
- Right around the perimeter of this school.
- Well, I can assure you that within the range of my voice,
all we I've been sharing is the power of the Lord,
and that's all I've seen from the kids, that you know,
the youth are coming out, and.
- Hey, you know what?
I wanna shake your hand.
- Oh hello, thank you very much.
- I wanna shake your hand.
- Thank you very much, I'm Past.
Pastor Dave. - Pastor Dave.
- I'm Deputy Kimball.
- Oh hello, you got funky on it.
- All right.
- From First United, the Church of Our Lord,
right around the bend there.
So I'm just singing, and you kn,
if the youth won't come to chur,
let's bring the church to the y.
- Hey, good for you. - Amen.
♪ D stands for do you hear his ♪
♪ R stands for are you listenin♪
♪ U stands for understand that ♪
♪ G stands for God. ♪
♪ What is that stand ♪
- So that, you know, just rocking it out for the Lord.
♪ God made rainbows ♪
♪ God made ♪
- And I like it. - I like it.
♪ And God made trees ♪
♪ I like trees ♪
♪ God made mushrooms ♪
♪ I like mushrooms ♪
♪ Do you like mushrooms ♪
♪ I like mushrooms ♪
♪ Let's get some mushrooms, oh ♪
♪ Let's get high on God ♪
- (laughs) You know what?
I would love to, I wanna give you some money.
Do you just put it here in the?
- What, hello, no, that's my mo.
God is not about money. - We insist, we insist.
- God is about, you know, rocki.
- I just thought I'd give you a little donation,
'cause I just love your-
- You know, officers, I appreci,
But I know how much you all get.
- We probably should circle the area again,
just to see if we see anything.
But would you just send us out on something?
'Cause you just really have my .
- All right. - Yeah.
- I got one.
Kids always like to ask me, how can I get in touch with God?
How can I put God inside of me?
- Sure.
- I think there's a couple ways.
♪ You gotta smoke, snort ♪
♪ Inject or swallow ♪
♪ Get in touch with God today ♪
♪ Smoke, snort, inject or swall♪
♪ Did you forget ♪
♪ Let's count the ways ♪
- And then it repeats.
Right after that.
- [Cherisha] Hey, hey, you can't snort the Lord!
(siren blares)
♪ Boobity, boppity, boppity boo♪
♪ Bop, bop, bop, boppity boo ♪
♪ Boop-a-doo-boo ♪
♪ Whoo, bop, bop, doop-a doppit♪
♪ A doo, doo, doo, doo (Coconut♪
♪ Coconut nut clusters ♪
♪ A doopity dee bop ba doo (Hoo boppa do bah) ♪
♪ A doppa doo ba doopa doppity ♪
- [Cherisha] Hey!
(fist knocking)
- Sheriff's department!
- Yeah, we're selling Coconut Ns
for the Sheriff's Athletics Lea!
- [Man] Get off my property, mother(bleep)!
- Oh! - Whoa.
- [Man] I'll slap you with my mother(bleep)-
- Sir, we're just selling candy!
(gun thundering)
Oh, oh! - Oh!
- Go, go! - Oh my God!
I'm hit!
(siren blares)
Did somebody take my orange?
- [Trudy] Yeah, I ate it.
- Trudy, you know what I wanna ,
this weekend, I'm having a,
well, every weekend, basically, I do a mixer.
A little social singles mixer.
And I just thought I'd, you kno,
just be nice to ask if you wantd
to come along this weekend.
- Oh.
- Oh, it's a good time.
I mean, we get crazy.
- Definitely. - Oh, that's great.
- Are you all dating?
- [Cherisha] Oh, shut up!
- I'm just asking, you only asked one person,
that sounds like a date.
- I'm only allowed to ask one p,
and no, it is not a date.
- And you asked a woman.
- Yes, I asked-
- You asked another woman.
- I asked a woman, and I'll tel,
because there are a lot of gentlemen there.
- I can't go anyway, I'm having a makeout party at my house,
so, guess you guys won't be abl.
It's gonna be pretty hot.
I rented a couple of lava lamps.
It's gonna be sweet.
(siren blares)
- Hey!
Everybody knows what today is.
- Cinco de Mayo!
- No, Kimball's been with us for a whole year.
(deputies clapping)
One year on the force.
- Ho! - Whoo!
- Speech, speech! - Now I'm a bitch!
- Speech, speech, speech! - Speech, speech!
- Your words! - Speech,
make it a short one.
- I wannna just say that, you k,
I had my doubts from the beginn.
- As we did we.
- About all of you,
but-
- [Junior] Speech, not a person.
- Wow. - Well, no, I mean, I just-
- Well, thanks.
- It was a little rough, I think we can all admit
it was a little rough going in the beginning.
And all the practical jokes,
and the dykes sprayed on my lick, on my locker.
- On your what?
- Oh my locker.
- You said dyke, and then you sr
right next to each other.
- I didn't mean to.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I did not. - I think you did.
- [Raineesha] Yes, you did.
- All right. - Dyke and licker.
- [Jim] Yeah.
- I put dyke on your locker as a holiday gag.
- [Jim] Okay, so-
- Not like you're a real hero
for putting up with us ass(blee.
- Yeah, congratulations.
Oh, your commendation medal is -
- [Cherisha] Well, thank you.
- From planet I give a (bleep).
(siren blares)
- Holy (bleep), Reno, got an of,
I need medical attention immedi.
Junior, Junior.
- Kimball?
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- I've been wearing this vest for seven years.
That bullet went right through it like butter.
- You're gonna be just fine.
- No, ain't, I'm going.
- So, look forward to those EMTs ASAP, sir.
- I'm real cold.
- Oh, all right.
- Things are getting.
- Okay.
- No, I'm okay.
- I'm just gonna rock you. - I'm okay.
- Yes, do you like that?
Does that make you feel good?
- Yeah, that feels good.
- I think you should just keep .
- Yeah?
- I don't know you at all.
- You know, you're just a nice person and to meet,
it's almost a shame that you're,
you know.
- What?
- Seems like you could be pretty decent piece of ass
if you weren't a lesbian.
It's all I'm saying.
Not that I'm judging-
- A, thank you, A, thank you, and B, I am not a lesbian.
Just because I have had thought,
perhaps dreams, does not mean te
participated in a sexual manner with another woman.
- Hmm, well, I guess you ain't a race car driver
unless you get behind the wheel.
- That's a good way to look at .
- You know, I'd love,
if I'm gonna go into the next w,
to at least not think I'm a hundred percent alone,
and dying like a lot.
- You're not alone, you're not alone, Junior,
you're not alone, I'm here with.
- Could I have the taste of a woman on the lips as I go?
I'm dying, man.
- You're not gonna die.
Oh geez.
You get.
(Cherisha smooches)
You're gonna be okay.
- I think you're a lesbian.
- I am not lesbian.
- [Junior] That's what I think.
- That was very enjoyable.
- If I'm gonna die here on this cold pavement,
I'd feel a lot better if you'd e
maybe get to third with you.
- No, I'm not gonna let you get to third with me.
- All right, I just asked you.
- What, I don't even understand.
I don't even know if I remember what third is.
- Under the bra.
- That's what I thought.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Fine.
Can I have another kiss?
(Cherisha sighs)
- All right, fine.
You're not supposed to gimme th!
You didn't say anything about t.
Now, that is not fair.
Again, you were taking advantage of the situation,
and that's just shameful.
- She's a lesbian, Joe.
- I am not a lesbian.
Now, what do I have to do?
Publicly have sex with a man?
- Take out publicly.
I mean, if you're gonna give me something to live for,
we'll go to Tahoe, and we'll bo.
We'll rent one of them rooms,
and then we'll bone in the hot tub with the porno on.
What do you think, is that a de?
Scratch the porno, just the hot tub, candles.
I swear on the good book, if I pull through,
I will bone Kimball.
- I swear on the good book that if you pull through,
I will bone Travis Junior.
All right?
- All right.
Where are you from anyway, Kimb?
- Well.
- I couldn't place your accent when you came in.
- Well, all around, but my family is from Shreveport.
- Louisiana?
(Cherisha mmhmms)
Yeah, I got family in Lake Charles, my mama's side.
- You do? - Yup, yup,
they do that pirate festival that they they do
every year in Lake Charles.
- Oh, I love the pirate festiva.
- Where like Captain Morgan com,
and gives out free Captain Morg.
- And it's funny, 'cause you ree
a little bit of my uncle on my mother's side.
- Oh, that's nice.
- And he does a big to-do at the pirate festival every year.
He gets all dressed up.
Uncle Jimmy Joe.
- Jimmy Joe Blackbeard, they ca?
(Cherisha mhmms)
Like at the festival, it's Jimm?
- Yeah, yeah. (mmhmms)
- Oh (bleep).
That's my uncle too.
- That's your uncle?
- Yup.
(Cherisha laughs)
(bleep), first tail I ever got in the department's
gonna be a (bleep) cousin.
- We tongue kissed.
- Yeah, but you swore on the gok
that you were gonna give me a l.
- But I mean, I didn't know.
- [Radio] Kimball, you should be seeing those EMTs
by right about right now, they should really be there.
Bet you see them.
- They're on the scene, sir,
EMTs are on the scene right now, I see them, sir.
- Hey, how you doing, boys?
Took you long enough!
- All right, and thanks for!
- Oh, ow, boy.
- Hey, easy there, I don't you ,
I don't think you should!
- No, I'm good, I'm okay.
It stings a lot, but I think I'.
- You aren't dying at all!
I thought you were dying!
- Well, I mean, I ain't great.
You should probably come with me to the hospital,
'cause we've probably got the same blood type.
Come on, cuz, haul ass, haul as!
- [Cherisha] Don't call, I don't like you calling me cousin!
(siren blares)
- He take you now live to the Reno Sheriff's Department.
- Butt itches.
(siren blaring)
(Cherisha mimicking siren)
(Clementine mimicking siren)
- You're real good at the sound.
(both mimicking sirens)
- [Cameraman] Hey, you're on th!
You're on the air!
- What'd you do?
- Oh, I don't, good, good after.
(siren blares)
- We take you now live to the Reno Sheriff's Department,
where a press conference is already in progress.
- These pants give me a camel t.
- Lemme look.
That is bad.
That is not a camel in her pants, ladies and gentlemen-
- Camels do not have an-
- Or an engorfed, what do they ?
Engorged (bleep).
(Clementine laughs)
And the (bleep) was last seen at the convenience store.
Riding a camel. - Buying lottery tickets.
- [Cameraman] Hey, hey, you're !
- The (bleep) loose is on the l.
- [Cameraman] You're on the air!
- Oh, hello!
(siren blares)
Hi, I'm from the Reno Sheriff's Department.
Our friends at the Washoe County Animal Shelter
have lots of furry friends
who are currently available for.
This here is Scooter.
Scooter doesn't have a family,
and he's looking for one in the Reno-Tahoe area.
Scooter is a very smart dog.
In fact, Scooter's like a little detective himself.
He led law emergency workers to where his old family
had been burned to death in a f.
In fact, he even tried to rescue one of them,
but you didn't, did you?
No, you didn't!
They're all burned and dead!
So if you're looking for a dog that's loyal,
come on down today.
To Washout county.
The Washoe County Animal Shelte,
where every day, it's raining cats and dogs.
(energetic surf rock music)