So I have six money talks that every couple needs to have.
One of those is the story talk.
Now the story talk is all about understanding your spouse
and where they've come from.
You know a lot of people say that growing up
your household was your classroom.
And for a lot of us there's lessons we learned
in the classroom that we want to take into adulthood
and use in our marriage and it's great.
And there's some lessons that we want to unlearn.
And I think we all have those, don't we?
But understanding where your spouse has come from
in regards to money is so key
'cause then you suddenly understand their heart
and why they view money the way they do.
So to jump-start the story talk,
there's a statement with a blank
that is important for you and your spouse
both to fill out and to talk about.
So what the statement is,
is: In my house, growing up money was blank.
And just start that conversation and you'll be amazed
if you haven't had this conversation already
where your spouse has come from.
Now another money talk you need to have is the fear talk.
So when it comes to money there is this sense of fear
with a lot of people.
And fear makes us do crazy things.
This is why some people get a secret checking account
or a secret credit card.
The fear of their spouse knowing what they're buying,
you know, just paralyzes them
and they do all these crazy things.
So, fear is something that's really important to understand
and to understand what your spouse's greatest fear is.
So there's a few fears around money
that actually Dr. Les Parrott wrote about
and they're brilliant and so I took that content
and I was like Les, I have got to teach on this
'cause it is so good.
So here are a couple of fears that you might have.
Number one, the fear of just the lack of influence
that you have in your money.
I find that a lot of women have this feeling
of like, "Okay, he's banker, he knows what he's doing.
I mean, who am I to talk about money?"
You have this idea that your influence is not important.
So that is a fear for a lot of women.
There also is a fear of a lack of respect.
And I find this with a lot of men.
They'll say things like, "Well she does the grocery shopping
and all the shopping for all of our things
we need in our house, and so I don't know
how much things cost, she's not gonna listen to me."
And so there's just this idea
that there's not a ton of respect on your part.
And this could go male or female,
but I hear a lot of men talk about this.
There's also the fear of the lack of security.
And this is the idea that if something were to happen
if there was a medical emergency
or someone lost their job there's not enough money
to take care of you and your family.
And that's a real fear for a lot of people.
And there's also the fear of not realizing your dreams.
You know you think back when you were dating
and you're like, one of my dream in life was to live
on at least six acres, I just wanted to live on land.
And now you're stuck in a neighborhood at 45 years old
and you don't see the possibility of that happening.
Or maybe it's you always wanted to race cars
and it was a hobby you used to have
and you thought, "Oh, that's all I want to do.
I want to enjoy my time and race cars."
And now you're not able to do that.
And it's just this fear that you have this dream,
but it's not gonna come true.
And so these fears, again,
dictate many of our money decisions
and how we interact with our spouse.
So, get with your spouse and fill in this statement:
My greatest financial fear is blank.
And it can be one of the four we just talked about
or something totally different.
But, have that conversation and again many of you
will be very surprised at what your spouse says.
Also have the giving talk.
Giving is a crucial part of what we teach about
when it comes to money.
And being able to do this together
and as a team is very, very crucial.
Because when you start giving when it comes to your money
and you start living with that open hand
that attitude is so contagious and suddenly you're giving
in other areas of your life.
You start serving your spouse more.
I mean there's really this contagious feeling
when it comes to giving and something
that everyone needs to experience.
So if you haven't already,
I would definitely challenge you to that.
But, when it comes to giving, a lot of spouses have conflict
because one of you is probably a more emotionally led giver,
that's me, you know where you see something,
you're moved by something and you're like,
"Okay, I just want to be able help, we have money,
we can just give some money this way."
And you very much are emotionally led.
Where others of you, more of Winston, more of a calculated giver.
Winston and I when we really started formalizing our giving
a few years ago and taking it really seriously,
we had a big conversation because he said
that he took such this responsibility, this weight he felt,
that we look into where we give so critically
and so deeply as much as we do our retirement accounts
and our investments.
We take as much time there with our giving.
So are you more of an emotionally led giver
or a calculated giver?
So, talk to your spouse about that.
And there's also the grace talk.
So why is grace important?
Because we have all made money mistakes.
And we will all continue to make mistakes.
We're not gonna be perfect.
No one is gonna be perfect.
Winston and I, we still make money mistakes, okay?
So you have to understand that's going to happen.
But there is this fine line between grace
when it comes to money specifically with your spouse
because too many rules around everything
and everything's just so structured
it gets so legalistic.
And it's like, "Oh my gosh, chill out" right?
But then other times when you just say,
"Oh, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay."
And they keep overspending and overspending and overspending
or they have a secret credit card or whatever
and you're like, "That's okay, that's okay."
That starts to be enabling bad behavior.
So there is this balance when it comes to it
where yes, we're gonna make mistakes.
But the key is, we have to learn from our mistakes.
But with your spouse, give them grace.
So, what you can do is fill in this statement
with your spouse: When I make a money mistake,
I love it when you blank.
So, these are just four of the money talks you can have.
If you want more, click the link in the description below
for my conversation starter cheat sheet.
Or if you really want to have a fun date night experience,
come see Dr. Les Parrott and myself
at our Money & Marriage events.
We are all over the country,
so make sure to click the link below
and get tickets and come out.