(chuckles)
- What do you think has been our greatest challenge
as a couple?
And how did we overcome it?
- Oh boy.
(laughs)
- Our greatest challenge has been
overcoming our trauma
as black and Brown people.
(clears throat)
- One of our biggest goals
in our relationship is to be better than our parents were
and I knew that
but trying to confess that to you
and sell it to you
in a way that you would buy in,
was the biggest challenge
but now I feel like you understand
how important it is,
for us to succeed so that our kids can have a blueprint
of what it is to see two people making it.
- Yeah
- It was a good one.
(chuckles)
- How were we raised differently?
And how do you think it's impacted our family dynamic?
(chuckles)
- what is this, is it a custom deck? (laughs)
We were definitely raised
you're an only child,
a very small immediate family, alone a lot.
- Yeah.
- I'm from a, I'm the youngest of four immediate
then I had cousins
and have this gigantic family that was always together
and always never alone
and I think it makes a difference today
how we crave space and time.
- Yeah.
- Whereas, you just never need space or time out
(laughs)
- Never - You know
am just saying and sometimes because of how I grew up
I do need to like
pull into a corner and put the, you know,
and sit in the dark for a minute
and it can sometimes conflict because you're like
what are you doing under there? and you lift the cover.
(chuckles)
So, I think that plays a big,
it's a big part in how we and giving each other that space
and understanding, okay
I know, I do wanna sit there but I believe you
- Imma go in the other room
and sometimes it doesn't happen like that
but it's just finding that balance
but yeah, it makes a difference.
- It does.
- How do you describe our family to others?
(laughs)
- Complicated
- Complicated.
We have a blended family on both sides.
So, we are the, I guess, the only anomaly
because we're the only same gender loving
out of all of the big blended dynamics.
Your kid's father is remarried to a woman
and my kids' father is remarried to a woman.
Overall, we have a really good blended situation
on your side,
on my side I wish we were closer
in that, our love was seen as seamless.
- Yeah.
- Because
- Don't you dare.
(laughs)
We are three cards each.
(laughs)
I know, am not gonna make it
because I want us to be a family.
- I know.
- Yeah.
- You know we're working on that.
(inhales deeply)
- What's something you think I need to hear?
- I think you need to continuously
and constantly hear just how much I love you
and value you, what you mean to me
and you know, I think,
I don't say those things enough to you,
but I'm learning to feed you more of what you need
but I do realize that,
you know, that is your food.
(laughs)
How do you feel we experience motherhood differently?
And how do you think it's impacted our relationship?
(laughs)
- Motherhood? Okay. Having been the child
of a mother from the silent generation
It makes you end up being like your parent by default
even when you don't want to.
So, as much as I love my kids,
I don't like the burden that comes with it
of trying to make them better
while I'm still trying to raise myself
and you on the other hand,
you wanted to compensate for your kids
- From my experience. - In a way
- Yeah, based on your experience,
you wanted to compensate
for the life that you didn't have
by giving it to your kids
which sometimes made us bump heads
because, you were being a helicopter parent
and rather than letting your kids grow up
and kind of find their way
but the beautiful thing is that you allow me,
to be more loving to my kids
and gave me a space to do that
without having to have the stress
of parenting them by myself
and having the burden and the stress of that.
- This is good - So
- I benefit too because I get to parent again
from a different space, you know.
- Yeah.
- Without the desperation of getting it right.
- Yeah and you're a good parent.
- I try.
(chuckles)
- What is one experience you wish we would share together
in the future?
(laughs) - What does that look for?
(laughs)
It's a lot it's so much we have to
- What is the thing that we talk about
that we want to do as soon as the world opens up?
With the family?
- Oh, travel to Africa.
Yeah, I would love that
so, when, I guess you're right
and that was what I was going to say
so many things we haven't done a lot of traveling together
we've traveled separately.
So, one of the biggest things
I wanna do is, with the family, yes,
but I just want to just take off
and see more of the world with you
and I really want us to have that mega trip
with the whole blended family
whoever wants to be part of it is welcome
and do that mass,
you know, Africa trip.
(chuckles)
indeed yeah.
- That'd be cool.
- That'd be really cool.
What is your favorite ritual of ours?
- My favorite ritual is when the kids leave on Thursday.
(laughs)
To go to their dads
(laughs)
And we like take baths together
and we just get up on the couch and vedge out.
- Yeah, Clock out.
- Clock out.
(chuckles) - Say that we are free
(chuckles)
- We're no longer on duty.
What is something that you want for the both of us?
As a couple?
- Well, domination ,no,
(laughs)
- Take over the world - I do like that
and I do want that
but not in that way I want us to,
to be so tight and so together
and take that information and share it,
you know, show people how to do this thing we're doing,
you know, share it
but I would just want us to continue to just grow
like we are doing it
you know, feed it to the world.
- Yeah, I agree.