(upbeat music)
- Okay. Why am I in your life?
- You're my dad.
No, that's not why.
You're in my life because I want you to be
and because you want to be.
What's the pain in me, you wish you could heal?
- Me not being there.
As simple as that, you know.
The pain would be more of me being a coward
or someone that was not strong enough to
take on the responsibility of marrying your mother,
you know 'cause three kids and then another one
and being 23 and having four kids, I wasn't ready.
I didn't feel that I could do that.
I didn't feel that
I want to give up the life that I thought I had
or whatever, be the case
and I feel like I became a disappointment to you,
just being part time, you know
because it was kind of cool.
Hey, I'm out here, I got a daughter, you know.
That's our culture growing up.
So that would be more or less my thing.
- Okay. I'm gonna answer the question.
- Okay.
- The pain that I want to heal in you,
is I would want for your relationship
with my grandmother to be healthy.
I would want, well in order for that to occur,
she would have to be healthy.
You know what I mean?
I would want to heal that pain, like,
because I know that you love her
and I know that you try really hard,
but she just doesn't have the capacity to see it,
to understand it, to receive it.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- And I know that even though you keep going,
you keep trying
you know what I mean?
You keep availing yourself.
If you had a different relationship with her,
even from a child,
you would be different, you know.
- Yeah a lot different.
- So I would wanna heal that in you.
- Okay.
What are you hesitating to tell me?
What do you hesitate to tell me?
- I've been hesitant to tell you that,
I guess I didn't know how to find the words to say,
like how much our relationship means to me,
and when I say like healing,
just to clarify like my relationship
with a significant other,
like I feel like in order for me
to have a healthy relationship
or even to feel comfortable enough to like be married
or have children or whatever that my future looks like,
I desire for us to continue to like reconcile
and for us to continue to like build a bond,
so that I can trust better or even more
and that I can view men in a positive, healthy way.
You know what I mean?
Instead of like, oh, they'll just leave
or they won't be around or whatever.
And so that's why it's really important
for me to have this relationship with you.
And I think just previous,
like I didn't know how to really verbalize that,
but that's why I say our relationship is very important.
And that's why when you say,
well I know that you're busy and you're always working
or you was in school or just whatever.
I'm like, just call me.
I like spending time with you dad.
Like, even if it's like sitting on the front lawn
and just laughing and talking like
that's a deal for me.
It's soul food.
- Okay. All right.
- Mm. This is good.
When was the last time I disappointed you?
And how do you feel about it now?
- I think the last time
you disappointed me was when
we went to have dinner with grandmother.
You had a total misunderstanding,
about what I was saying to you
and how I saw you go off on a tangent,
which it was hard for me to pull you back to say,
calm down and listen to what I'm saying.
Why are you getting so emotional?
Why are you hearing me wrong?
And I just was disappointed,
not so much about you,
but that I wasn't able to communicate to you.
To get you to understand where I was coming from,
because I felt that
you viewed me in the wrong way
or you thought I was coming at you the wrong way.
And that was just my most disappointing moment,
because it was like, oh wow,
I can't bring her back, you know.
And I felt that being a father, I should be able to do that.
And it didn't happen that way.
- And how do you feel about it now?
- Same. I feel that that's just a part of you who you are.
And I feel that it's gonna always be that way.
I can't figure out everything that bring you
to a level of understanding,
because it's part of your experience in life.
Because the older you get,
the more you understand what I was trying to say
or where I was coming from.
That I didn't mean it in a way that you was taking it.
- Okay. You want me to answer that as well?
- Sure.
- Well, first of all,
if that was the last time I'm doing pretty good,
'cause that was in January.
It's November.
But no, the same, the same.
Like in that situation,
our perspectives are totally different,
because you have a way that you seen it.
And I have a that I saw it, you know.
And I don't know what was more disappointing,
the actual incident or like thereafter,
where it triggered me if the,
I keep referring to like the little me inside.
I felt like, oh no, you know?
- And I was seeing that
- Yeah. Like I don't want to go back
to not talking to my dad
or not having this relationship.
I'm getting a little emotional.
Yeah and it was disappointing 'cause it scared me.
And so that's why I felt like I needed to, like,
if you wouldn't hit me up, like I needed to call you,
like we need to sit down and talk.
- Right.
- Because I'm not doing that again.
I just felt that we've come so far in our relationship,
and like this one little thing was not going to stop that.
- On the same light
- Yeah over a misunderstanding.
and I know like, that's why I always say like
it's okay to agree to disagree,
or to still have your perspective,
because we're looking through two different lenses, right?
So you're seeing things,
and then whatever could have like triggered you
or bothered you, you know,
could have like gotten a way of saying clearly like,
how I felt and what I was saying until I feel like well,
it's okay that we see things two different ways,
as long as we continue to respect each other.
I'm sure I get my bullheadedness from you
in some ways, you know what I mean?
And I see the relationship that you and my uncle
have with my grandmother,
or even growing up and seeing like,
you guys would go months without talking to each other,
and I'm like, that cannot be us.
- Right.
- Like, that's so unhealthy to me.
That's how you guys handle it,
because given the circumstances and the person, right?
But I'm like, no.
Like even if my grandmother feels whatever,
she feels like
- You need a Kleenex or something?
- No
Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. So even, you know, I just
I never want us to be that way dad, you know what I mean?
Like I never want us, I mean, take your time
because you have to process things differently
but I never want us to not talk.
- Right. I can understand that .
- Or like argue or, you know, I don't do that.
You know, I don't like that.
So, yeah.
But I'm happy now.
With all this crying.
I'm happy now that we have that experience
and that we were able to talk about it
and like move forward.
And I think that that's really important.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
If this were to be our last conversation
what something you never want me to forget?
- That you wasn't a mistake.
Sometimes people feel that
they were a mistake in a relationship
or a situation just came out or whatever.
You by far was never a mistake.
You have
been an asset into a lot of people's life.
You have proven that God doesn't make any mistakes.
And I'm the one to say hey,
that's why I call you my miracle
because you have been something special to me
no matter what I've been going through
and where I've been and what I deal with.
I have you, you know. I have you
- Wow. I didn't think I needed to know that, but I did.
- Yeah. Aw. Yeah.
- Yeah. Thanks for that dad.
- No problem.
- That was really good.
- Well, it's true.
- Thank you for telling the truth.
- It's true.
- Wow.
Okay. So
I would want you to know that no matter, you know
what mistakes you've made or that you'll make
cause you're human
that I love you and I'll always love you.
And that I'll always appreciate our relationship
- Okay.
- And that I'll always want you around.
If you make a mistake or you make me angry or you hurt me
or something like that, like let's talk about it.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Because I cherish us so much and
I can't think of anything that you would do
to make me not want you around.
- Okay.
- And so,
but it feels like our last conversation then yeah
I would want you to know that.
Just keep coming.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Oh, we are done.
Wow.
- Okay.
- I didn't expect to cry.
Dad, thank you for coming with me.
- No problem.
- Thank you for,
even though I didn't know what to expect
but you didn't know what to expect
but you're here and you remained present and I'm happy.
I'm happy that you came and you agreed with me.
You didn't know what you're signing up for.
- No I didn't.
But I'm glad that you were able to,
this work helped you,
or helped us - Yeah
- You get a better understanding of who I am
and what I feel about our love.
You know, so, it's all good.
- Thank you.
Yes.
I love you, dad.
- I love you too baby. I love you.
- Hi. Meriem here.
Producer and director at The Skin-Deep.
Thank you so much for watching this video.
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