-Step away from the Norwegian goal machine, Mbappe!
You were behind everything!
Pretending you were Ronaldo
to lure us away from the Champions League
and make yourself the star!
-Fine!
I admit it.
But I had to get rid of those old losers so that we could shine.
Fight me, Erling.
Rival me!
What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting...
Real.
This is The Champions.
-Don’t worry, everything is going
according to my five phase plan.
Phase three was getting humiliated
by City in the title race.
Phase four is getting humiliated
by Bayern in the knockouts next year.
-Do I prefer playing for Chelsea
or the US Men’s National Team?
The National Team.
Because even though our coach was blackmailed by Gio's parents,
fired, and then re-interviewed for the job...
that’s less sloppy than Chelsea.
-Some people think I was in the wrong
for my rant on the way out of Tottenham. But-
did I lie?
-At this rate, we’ll be in the Champions League in no time!
-Yeah, definitely.
What is the Champions League?
-You know, Ryan?
I really don't know.
-Look! The Champions mansion!
We made it!
-Wow.
We really ran out of steam.
-Oooh to be back!
Huh.
-Ha! Stupid Gooners,
you fell right into our trap.
-We're taking you lot to the dungeon.
[door slam]
[harmonica]
-Wow. Billion pounds gets you a pretty nice dungeon, huh?
-C'mon Arsenal!
Huddle!
-Ok, we've trained for this.
Remember:
Edison invented the lightbulb.
Today I want to see a team that-
[glass breaks]
-Hey!
-Guys, quick!
I distracted them.
Nevermind, they have too many replacements.
-Teamwork only gets you so far against City.
[gasps]
-It's a real life ninja turtle.
-I tried to wage war with Haaland
so that we could make each other stronger.
But I had no idea just how strong
he would become under Pep.
I have...
created a monster.
-Yeah so, most league goals in a season,
most goals across all competitions
by a Premier League player in a season,
cutest braids on a Norwegian footballer, um,
most goals in a season for Manchester-
-Yes, he's unstoppable, we know!
[clanking]
[clanking] -Oh no!
-The Perfectionist is coming!
-Look alive, losers!
Jurgen, how's the hammy?
Erik, I thought I told you,
there's only room for one brilliant bald coach in Manchester.
Ah, Mikel!
So so soooo good to see you.
-You're smiling, but I know what you're thinking.
-I know you know what I'm thinking,
but do you know what I'm overthinking?
-I'm overthinking what I know you're overthinking.
-Ha! I wasn't thinking at all!
Hey, you want these?
You want to get out of here?
Whoops! Ha ha!
It's the hope that kills you.
-Let us out of here!
-I could, but you'd never make it past
The Beast.
-Kevin.
[pop]
[chugging]
-Um. Champagne?
Oh...
Hi Kylian.
-Hello, Erling.
-So how's that whole rivalry thing going for you?
[harrumph]
-Well. I must admit, you made me see
the importance of having a good team behind you.
Now!
[smash]
-Look out, they're loaded!
-Here's the deal!
The transfer window is open
and I will buy every player here if it makes me the GOAT!
-Please, these are all I have.
-Eh. Do whatever you want. We'll be fine.
-I finally understand, Erling!
It’s not about me and you –
it's about the team!
And I will be the greatest team that ever lived!
[diabolical laughter]
-Kylian, come on, we got to go.
You coming?
-Wait for it...
Wait for it...
-Bruv, come on.
-Wait
for
it...
-Ahhhhhhhh!