- Hello, my name's Ted.
I am a former afterschool teacher.
- Hi, my name is Tselane and I'm a science teacher.
- My name is Mandie
and I used to teach grades six through 12.
- Hi, my name is Stephanie
and I am a substitute teacher
for high school and middle school.
- And today we are going to try school lunches.
- I'm feeling a little nervous.
I'm not gonna lie. - Same.
- I'm feeling like I'm gonna turn
into a Ninja Turtle after this, I don't know about that.
(cheerful classical music)
- So we're going to eat two lunches today.
- And this is going to be the first one.
- Are you hungry?
- Yes, but I'm also nervous.
- [Tselane] Well, looking at it,
the safest thing looks like the tater tots.
- I was gonna say the same thing.
I'm not too, you know, it looks a tad dry.
- Presentation, I'd give it a,
well, if we're judging it based
on other school lunches
I guess I'd say about a five out five.
- I would actually be thrilled
if any of my former students ate this
because I think for lunch they mostly had
energy drinks and things that come in a bag
like flamin' hot business and so I feel like
there's actual maybe like nutrients in some of this.
- That is ice cold.
(laughs)
I can't feel my hand.
Just the way I like it. - All right.
Are we gonna tater tot cheers?
- Yeah, you want to?
I don't know if I can put one of those in my mouth.
Okay, cheers. - Cheers.
(laughs)
- That is so cold and so terrible.
I put that in my mouth and every drop of saliva
just instantly evaporated.
- Just sucked it up? - Just...
- Tater tots are standard.
- Lukewarm. - See what I mean.
- Mm. - Mm.
- Nice and chewy.
- It seems like there's some moisture
and warmth on the bottom of my burger
so I'm a little excited for that,
that might help, but there are no condiments
in case anyone -- (loud boom)
Oh no! - I dropped it.
I dropped my burger.
Everything's fine, burger's down,
but listen if this is what we have to deal with
in schools with no lettuce, tomato, no mustard or ketchup.
We have bigger problems in this country, okay?
- I think you, um...
(gags)
(laughs)
- This takes me back to the worst childhood memories
I've ever had.
- Oh hell.
- Oh Gods. - Wait a minute.
I wasn't ready.
(laughs)
Can I spit it out?
This (beep) right here is not turkey, or it is.
Can I get some butter, some coconut oil?
Dry, do you see this (beep)?
Can we get some ketchup?
- I don't know what I can do after the tater tots
because it tasted like you could still taste
like the frozen?
- I'm so sorry for all the children in the world.
(laughs)
- Mm, okay. - Nice and dirty.
- Toughest, hardest burger.
- That was so amazing, oh my God, I'm so full.
I'm so full.
- This is the least scary thing
so I think I'm gonna get right into this apple.
(apple crunches)
Great.
- That sounds like a really good apple, actually.
- I'd start with the worst part.
The worst part was the burger patty
was just dry and not good.
- Well, the apple is far and away the tastiest.
I would say the burger's texture was really alarming.
- The burger is definitely the worst part,
like it was very hard and didn't taste like real food.
- My favorite part of the entire meal?
Probably we're approaching it because it's almost over.
Am I'm excited to see what's next?
Let's see another plate of food to put to my dome.
Yeah, you know what? - I mean, let's do it.
- Round two.
Let's do it.
Well, well, well, hm.
- This is fancy, I like this Italian salad.
- This pizza actually doesn't look so bad.
- So bad. - It's a little cold.
- This looks like some salad I've had at my friend's house.
- The smell of the dressing, that Italian dressing
that's I think is 95% vinegar is just like
really it's screaming up my nostrils.
We have a salad, great.
We got a little fruit cup, nice.
We got a little piece of pizza with, uh-oh, what's this?
Bonus piece of pepperoni.
- Pizza's not bad.
- Is yours cold?
- For sure. - Okay.
- Oh, it definitely had a sponge-like quality.
- Yeah.
I'm conflicted.
- It's all right, it's just a little, you know,
it has a different texture
than normal pizza that I would eat.
- It's pizza, so that part of my brain
is like, this is good.
I don't know, it's strange.
Let me think about it.
- I also feel a little put off by the pizza.
- Right?
- Even though like usually you're excited.
Like pizza's always good news.
But I don't know, but because it's pizza
I'm still like, should I have another bite?
Like let's see how that pepperoni changes things?
- Exactly.
- Salad I'm cool with.
Yeah, it's standard.
- Dressing is okay.
- That is the exact same Italian dressing
that they had in my middle school cafeteria
in like a giant, I think it comes in like five gallon drums.
Am I liking this better than the turkey burger?
On the one hand, it's rude to come into Buzzfeed's house
and say this was bad food.
On the other hand, that food was bad.
I can't eat anymore of that salad.
All right, fruit cup, here we go.
- All right, let's see about this fruit cup.
I'm scared.
No, this is typical.
This is like -- - Hard to open.
I don't know why I won't get it.
- That's good.
- Wow, that's really nice.
It turns out you put a lot of sugar on stuff,
it tastes really good.
Weird, right?
- Fruit cup was good.
Fruit cup tastes like a standard fruit cup
from like 1982.
Salad tastes like every salad from like any buffet.
This is actually better than the burger, though.
I must say.
- I agree, yeah.
- I definitely would eat this.
Zap it in the microwave a little bit --
- You didn't have to like spit it out or anything.
- Yeah.
- It was better than the turkey burger.
- That's, look, anything in this plate --
- And you finished your turkey burger!
- I know I finished it, okay.
- Leave that whole burger out.
- I always thought that school lunches
should be better but now that I've actually
had to eat them as an adult
I kind of feel a little bit stronger about that.
- So the bun and the apple.
Everything else, bring from home.
- Maybe mix up the pepperonis with the,
whatever those hash browns, tater tots?
- Ooh, yeah, take the cheese and put the,
that sounds really good.
- For me, the salad, I would prefer the dressing
on the side.
- Maybe I need to start an initiative
at my school for like better school lunches
because if that's what they're eating
no wonder they have attitudes in my class.
(gentle classical music)