Ma'am, you. Do you draw?
No? Perfect. Come.
What's your name? - Anne.
Big round of applause for Anne. Anne, come on stage.
Come on stage.
How're you doing, Anne? - Hi.
Hi. What do you do, Anne?
I work with Housing.com. - That's freaking awesome.
What's your favourite place? What's the most beautiful place you've been to?
Did you just look at your friend's face?
Your face.
There's a place in Amsterdam called Zaanse Schans. - Okay.
Zaanse Schans. I love that place.
Okay. I have no idea where it is.
So, do you remember an image from Zaanse Schans?
Awesome. Could you draw that for me?
I can't draw that well.
That's okay. Just try your best. None of us can draw.
That is a windmill.
Yeah. Keep talking.
That's very nice. - Yeah.
This is land and this is the water.
Thank God. 'Coz I thought that was Mercury..
and that was a supernova happening.
Thank God.
Very nice. Big round of applause for Anne.
Anne.
Okay, then.
I actually have a degree though.
I actually have a degree. In painting.
The…It's...like that's the appropriate response.
Yeah…so?
I didn't learn shit, okay, for four years.
So, there are a couple of types of paintings.
You guys have heard of water colour painting? Of course.
Then there's oil.
Fun fact. Oil takes like a 100 years to dry.
You guys know that?
'Coz it oxidises very slowly.
So, it's amazing.
Technically, Mona Lisa is still wet.
I did this whole show to say that one line.
I went to an art store.
And I got some oil paint.
And I got…if I get hungry I can just put butter on everything.
I got these humungous…Like this instantly makes you look like some painter of a building.
And I need a cloth to wipe myself.
And this is the universal cloth of cleaning.
The tea cloth.
The tea...No. It's everything.
Bloody…This pattern is so boring.
Like it doesn't catch your attention.
It's like…they designed…
They took like some 2-3 years to like…
This is too much attention.
This is too less.
This is perfect!
This will be the wiping cloth. Awesome.
This is a canvas. You guys know that.
And it's placed on an easel.
Which almost sounds like 'ease her'.
You know...Like that's how beautifully…
It just makes women…
It's like four times what a guitar does.
Okay?
It's four times that.
Guitar you have to play.
Easel you don't have to stand and paint.
You don't...She'll believe you.
She'll be like, ' Why you took so much trouble to put this?'
You can dry clothes also on this.
It's amazing.
Now, one fun fact a lot of people don't know about me.
Is…I am colour blind.
Yeah. I'm colour blind. Seriously. - Seriously?
And no one believes it.
Because it is such a fuck all problem to have.
It's such a horrible. It's…
It is a problem but it's...really, it's not a big problem.
Like no one is going to start an NGO for colour blind people.
Like sir, we need funds. Why?
When rainbow happens, we don't know what's happening.
They…no one cares. You know.
It's such an annoying problem.
People associate with it very cutely.
What is this colour?
What's this colour?
Is it this colour? Is it this?
And…I used to get like… When I was young, I didn't know I was colour blind.
So, my teacher thought I was insane.
Okay?
I used to draw like…I used to paint like…
The tree used to be like the bark used to be green and the leaves are brown.
And my teacher is like 'Wow!'
This guy is not going to go far.
And she was right.
And…and also women get very pissed.
You know like...Many times, when I was dating, and women like…
Okay. Do you like this dress or that dress?
I'm like why are you wearing that? Looks weird.
No. It's peach.
I love peach.
And I don't know what the hell peach is.
But, then I realize, I am colour blind.
And now I use it properly.
Like emotionally it's just so hard.
They'll be like, 'Kenny, why can't you see this colour?'
I'm like...Oh, I didn't tell you.
I'm actually colour blind.
She's like, 'Oh my God! I didn't know'.
I'm like, 'Yeah. So, nobody knows'.
Nobody understands me...
She's like, 'What happened?' What can't you see?
I can't see red.
Can't see green.
I can't see the beautiful colour of your eyes.
Works every time.
(Alarm goess off in the audience) So…yeah yeah. Get up right now.
This is the part of the show you have to get up, dude.
So, the reason I brought up that I am colour blind is…
Obviously colours are not named normally.
Okay?
And they name it so weirdly. Like...
I ask for yellow.
And there is yellow ochre.
There is permanent yellow deep.
And there is lemon yellow.
Which sounds like some sexual moves.
It's like…can I have yellow?
Permanent yellow deep?
What?
And, yellow ochre.
Jesus, what is yellow ochre now?
Huh? - That's a bit of brown mixed with yellow.
And that's dark brown. - Where were you all my life?
I would've just kept you next to me.
In my luggage compartment.
I didn't realize there'd be a lot of quiet moments.
Anne, where're you from?
From Mumbai.
Yeah?
So, what do you do in sales?
I sell ad space.
To developers.
Okay. Then?
Anne.
Anne, what do you look for in a guy?
I think he should make good conversation.
Oh, yeah. I'm trying.
I'm really trying.
I feel you should also put some effort.
This is where I'm pretending like I'm thinking.
That was the problem.
Yeah, Anne.
Where is your native place?
It's actually the same as yours.
Bangalore. - Oh my God.
Oh, your name is Anne.
So, where?
Kozhikode.
That's not where I stay.
But, nice. You're from Kerala? - Yeah.
Looking for a nice Malayali boy?
Yes!
How often do you go to Kerala?
No, I just…I go there.
I meet up with family.
Yeah. - The usual.
And then, they'll tell me…like…
Get married. - When will you get married?
When are you getting married?
That's why I stopped going now.
Yeah. Best, dude.
But, funeral and all, you should go for.
When they finally die, you should be like at least they stopped…
Stopped talking.
Yeah, they really stop talking. - They never stop talking about marriage.
Sorry? - They never stop talking about marriage.
No. When they die, they'll stop.
I've noticed that. I've noticed...
When they die, they really stop talking about everything.
I think I'm done.
So, there's a subject called art history.
Which is where you look at paintings and you dissect them.
And every other subject, I didn't do well.
Art history I used to freakin' nail!
'Coz I had to explain what the painting is about.
Do you see this?
What is it? - Windmill.
It's time.
It's time going through.
And what happens when time goes through?
It goes. - It just goes?
You should paint.
Now, what is this?
Water.
How does everyone know that?
'Coz Anne told you.
'Coz Anne told…I'll slap your face.
My painting spoke to you.
This is not the real painting.
You want to make this contemporary, a modern art?
You know what do you do?
Any ideas?
Turn it upside down. Turn it upside down? Very close.
This signifies that…
Someone might seem colourful,
when you meet them.
They have a dark past.
Shit, man.
Yeah. I fucking topped art history.
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