>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST FROM "WET HOT
AMERICAN SUMMER"; THE "ANCHORMAN" MOVIES; AND, OF
COURSE, AS ANT-MAN IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE.
HE RETURNS NEXT WEEK IN "ANT-MAN AND THE WASP."
>> HOW DID HE EVEN HAVE TIME TO BUY A TICKET?
JUST ONE TIME PLEASE WORK!
YES!
OH, ALL RIGHT.
I NEED HELP.
OH!
SORRY.
AH... HEY!
COME ON, MAN!
NOT COOL!
MURDERERS!
I'M GOING TO CALL YOU ANTONIO BANDARAS!
YOU'RE A BAD-ASS!
YES!
ANTONIO!
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME PAUL RUDD!
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ GO PAUL RUDD GO PAUL RUDD ♪
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU, PAUL RUDD.
>> IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WE WERE AT A MUTUAL
FRIEND'S WEDDING.
I SAID HOW LATE ARE YOU STAYING OUT?
AND YOU SAID...
>> NOT LATE, I HAVE TO GO TO TAIWAN.
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO TAIWAN TO ADVOCATE FOR "ANT-MAN AND THE
WASP" OVER IN TAIWAN.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WERE THEY TWIETED IN TAIWAN?
>> THEY WERE SO EXCITED AND SO NICE.
PEOPLE GAVE US GIFTS.
THEY DREW LITTLE, YOU KNOW, CARTOONS OF US, OFS CAN LIL AND
MYSELF.
BUT IT WAS SURREAL.
IT WAS A LITTLE BIT SURREAL.
ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU WAKE UP AND YOU'RE IN TAIWAN.
>> Stephen: AND YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T EXPECT IN YOUR LIFE TO
WAKE UP IN TAIWAN AND HAVE PEOPLE KNOW WHO PAUL RUDD WAS.
>> I NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
NO.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT WAS WEIRD, THE WEDDING WAS-- THE RECEPTION WAS
AT THE-- I THINK ON THE OBSERVATORY --
>> Stephen: THE TOP FLOOR OF THE-- THE--
>> AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, I WAS IN TAIWAN, AND I WENT TO DINNER
AT TAIPEI 101, WHICH I THINK IS THE NEXT TALLEST BUILDING.
SO WITHIN THE SPAN OF 24 HOURS I WAS ON THE OBSERVATORY FLOOR OF
TWO OF THE TALLEST BUILDINGS IN THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S PAUL RUDD'S LIFE NOW.
>> THAT'S ALSO SOMETHING I NEVER SAW COMING.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE FROM KANSAS--
>> NOT A LOT OF TALL BUILDINGS.
>> Stephen: NOT A LOT OF TALL BUILDINGS THERE.
NOT EVEN HILLS THERE, RIGHT?
>> NO, VERY FEW.
>> Stephen: KANSAS CITY IS A GREAT TOWN.
ONE OF THE BEST STEAKS I EVER HAD AT THE GOLDEN OX.
>> GUTO KANSAS CITY, AND THE KANSAS CITY STRIP, THEY TALK
ABOUT THAT CUT OF MEAT A LOT.
THEY'RE PROUD.
AND I THINK THAT TURNED INTO THE NEW YORK STRIP.
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE SAME THING, BUT I THINK NEW YORK
OWNED-- BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO THE STEAK.
( LAUGHTER ) DON'T QUOTE ME ON THIS.
WIKIPEDIA.
>> Stephen: NEW YORK, THE STEAK OR THE CITY OF NEW YORK
BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO THE SHAPE OF A PIECE OF MEAT.
>> THERE-- I BELIEVE-- YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T CHECKED THIS.
I'M DIGGING BACK INTO THE RECESSES OF MY BRAIN --
>> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU.
WHO AM I TO QUESTION A MAN WHO IS KNOWN IN TAIWAN?
NOT ME?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> I COULD BE WAY WRONG ON THIS.
BY THE WAY, AS SOON AS WE'RE DONE WITH THIS, I'M GOG GET
ONLINE AND FIND OUT IF THERE IS ANY TRUTH TO THIS STORY.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU WE CREATED AND WROTE
THIS SHOW, "STRANGERS WITH CANDY."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND THE VERY LAST EPISODE--
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
EMOTIONALLY TROUBLED PEOPLE.
THE VERY LAST EPISODE WE NEEDED BIG STARS, WE NEED BIG STARS,
AND WE SAID WYNONNA RIDER.
AND WE SAID, WHO COULD BE WINONA RYDER'S BOYFRIEND?
>> NO ONE IS SAYING YES THIS GUY.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP OF YOU MEETING JERRY BLANK FOR THE
FIRST TIME AND WINONA RYDER.
>> YOU HAVE MET MY NEW FRIEND?
>> NO, WHERE IS SHE?
>> RIGHT HERE.
>> OH, YEAH.
HEY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHAT I WANT TO
KNOW IS--
BRILLIANT.
SO LITTLE.
YOU DO SO LITTLE AND YET IT DOES SO MUCH.
WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT-- WHAT PANDA PLACENTA DO YOU BATHE
IN?
BECAUSE YOU LOOK NO DIFFERENT 18 YEARS LATER.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED ABOUT YOU.
I CAN SEE YOUR BEARD.
THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY GRAY IN IT.
>> I DISAGREE.
A LITTLE RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: YOU-- WHAT'S THE WORD-- GO TO HELL.
( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE I SEE NOTHING.
YOU ARE NOTHING.
YOU ARE-- YOU ARE UNCHANGING.
>> THERE IS A GREAT-- THERE WAS A GREAT JOKE THAT GEORGE
CARLIN-- HE HAD SO MANY AGREES GREAT ONES.
I REMEMBER HE SAID, "WHAT'S ALL THIS B.S. PEOPLE ARE SAYING
ABOUT DICK CLARK NOT LOOKING HIS AGE?
LOOK HARDER."
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO LOOK TOO HARD."
I FEEL-- I FEEL AWFUL ON THE INSIDE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OH, REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH, I'M DEAD INSIDE.
I'M TOTALLY DEAD INSIDE AT THIS POINT.
>> YEAH, WITHERING AWAY.
IT'S AWFUL.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF WITHERING AWAY, YOU'RE A MARVEL
SUPERHERO NOW.
I ASKED YOU THIS A FEW YEARS AGO, DID YOU HAVE TO GET ALL,
YOU KNOW, JACKED FOR THE PART?
BUT DO YOU?
OR DOES THE SUIT DO THE WORK?
LIKE-- BECAUSE WE DON'T SEE A LOT OF NAKED ANT-MAN.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF THEY CANNED THOR.
NOT A LOT OF NAKED ANT-MAN.
>> A LITTLE BIT.
I FEEL LIKE IT'S PART OF THE THING, YOU HAVE TO SOMEHOW FIT
INTO THE SUIT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND THE GOOD THING ABOUT AN ANT IS, THEY'RE NOT THOR SIZE.
THEY'RE THORAC SIZE.
I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT JOKE.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> Stephen: PAUL RUDD, EVERYBODY!
>> NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST--
>> NO.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU'RE BACK.
GOOD.
>> I'M BACK.
>> Stephen: WHATEVER ULTIMATE TO DO.
OKAY, SO DO YOU HAVE-- DO YOU HAVE THE ABS?
>> THERE'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE AN
IMPOSTOR.
YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE AT LEAST PART GANG.
I DIDN'T GO THE FULL HELMSWORTH.
I WORKED, OUT A LITTLE BIT AND EAT WELL.
IT'S A BUMMER, BUT YOU GET INTO THE GROOVE OF IT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ABS BEFORE?
>> APPARENTLY, UNDER ALL OF THAT FAT, THEY WERE THERE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: NOW, EARLIER THIS MONTH YOU HOSTED WHAT'S CALLED
"THE BIG SLICK."
>> "THE BIG SLICK."
>> Stephen: WHO THAT.
>> "THE BIG SLICK" IS A CHARITY IN NEW YORK CITY, THAT --
>> Stephen: ALL KANSAS CITY GUYS.
>> ALL GUYS FROM THE SAME PART OF TOWN WE HOST EVERY YEAR, AND
WE ALWAYS INVITE A BUNCH OF ACTORS AND MUSICIANS AND
COMEDIANS AND STUFF TO COME BACK.
AND WE DO THIS WEEKEND BENEFIT FOR CHILDREN'S MERCY HOSPITAL IN
CABSAS CITY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S SO LOVELY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> NO, THIS IS-- THIS IS AN
AMAZING HOSPITAL.
AND WE'VE NOW DONE IT NINE YEARS IN A ROW.
AND EVERY YEAR IT'S GOTTEN BIGGER AND BIGGER.
AND IT'S REALLY FUN.
IT'S A SERIES OF EVENT S.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE GOING BACK TO KANSAS CITY NOW THAT
YOU'RE A BIG TAIWAN STAR?
DOES IT FEEL GOOD?
>> I DO.
MY FAMILY IS STILL THERE.
I STILL-- THOSE WERE THE FORMATIVE YEARS.
I WASN'T BORN THERE, BUT 10-20, I WAS IN KANSAS CITY.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH, THOSE ARE.
YOU BECAME A MAN THERE.
>> DID YOU.
I TECHNICALLY BECAME A MAN IN CANADA.
THAT'S WHERE I WAS BAR MITZVAHED.
BUT IF YOU DON'T-- IF YOU DON'T --
>> Stephen: THEY OUT-SOURCED IT TO CANADA.
WHEN YOU WERE 13 THEY SAID, "WE'RE GOING NORTH."
>> "WE'RE GOING TO GO TOON TEARIO."
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE FAMILY THERE?
>> YEAH, THAT'S IT.
YOU CAN'T ASK TOO MANY FAMILY MEMBERS COME TO KANSAS CITY.
I DON'T THINK THERE ARE TOO MANY FLIGHTS THERE.
THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY BUT I'LL SAY IT-- RELAX.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY-- WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COMMERCIALS NOW OF
JUST MEDICINES?
THIS IS THE INFLUENCE OF BIG PHARMA.
MY -- >> Stephen: IT'S LEGAL NOW.
IT WASN'T LEGAL-- >> WHEN WE GREW UP YOU HAD
ANACIN AND BAYER.
THAT WAS IT.
THOSE WERE THE COMMERCIALS.
I HAD A GENTLEMAN WITH MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE,
AND WE'D SIT AROUND, LET'S PLAY A GAME WHILE WAITING FOR THE
FOOD TO SHOW UP.
NAME SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH "A--" APPLE, "B," BANANA.
WE DIDN'T WATCH MUCH TV AND OUR GAME IS NAME MEDICINES.
SHE WAS SEVEN.
SHE'S LIKE "A," ABILIFY.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW IT'S MESSED UP WHEN YOU
GET TO "X" AND YOU HAVE YOUR CHOICE.
( LAUGHTER ) XARELTO!
>> Stephen: XANAX.
>> BY THE WAY, BOTH SOME START WITH "Z."
WHO ARE THESE DRUG COMPANIES WHO THINK THEY SHOULD START WITH
"X."
>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHY I LIKE THE WAY XANAX IS SPELLED?
>> IT'S A PALENDROME.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN READ IT EITHER WAY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT IT AND THAT'S
ANXIETY-RELIEVING.
MR. RUDD.
"ANT-MAN AND THE WASP" OPENS NEXT FRIDAY.
PAUL RUDD, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KEN JEONG.