>>EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET OUR NEWEST MEMBER AND
MY FRESHLY GRADUATED SON, JAMES.
>>WELL SINCE GRADUATION IS SYNONYMOUS WITH UNEMPLOYMENT,
THESE DAYS I FIGURED I'D TO ABANDON MY MORALS
AND EMBRACE THE NOBLE TRADITION OF NEPOTISM.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT.
>>NO.
YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE JAMES.
>>A NON-PROFIT CHARITY FOR ENDANGERED ANIMALS?
>>NO SON. IT'S TIME I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH.
WE AREN'T A CHARITY.
WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER COMMITTEE.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
>>WHAT'S WITH THE LAUGH?
YOU SOUND EVIL.
>>NOT EVIL, JUST AMBITIOUS,
GREEDY, AND LACKING ANY RESPECT
FOR THE HUMAN RACE.
[EVIL LAUGHS]
>>WHO ARE YOU?
>>I'M CYNTHIA.
I PUT BOOKS ON THE BEST SELLERS LIST SO I CAN
MAKE THEM POPULAR, WRITE TERRIBLE SCREENPLAYS,
AND SELL THEM TO HOLLYWOOD.
>>THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.
>>YOU MAY CALL ME MR. GIBBS.
I ACCEPT BRIBES FROM PUBLISHERS AND USE MY RICHES
TO BUY DEAD ANIMALS.
[EVIL LAUGH]
>>MY NAME'S FERDINAND.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ.
[EVIL LAUGH]
>>NOW THAT YOU'VE MET EVERYONE,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT AND WE'LL GET STARTED.
[EVIL LAUGH]
>>YEAH. MAYBE I'LL JUST GO
TO GRAD SCHOOL INSTEAD OF...
>>NONSENSE SON.
LEAVE NOW AND WE'D HAVE TO KILL YOU.
[NERVOUS LAUGH] THIS GUY IS ALWAYS...
>>OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS.
>>CYNTHIA?
>>MY SUGGESTION FOR THIS WEEK IS
"GRACE HARPER AND THE ARMY OF THE ROBOT MERMAIDS".
>>UM, DAD. THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE.
>>IT IS.
IT'S A HARRY POTTER AND A HUNGER GAMES KNOCKOFF.
I'LL MAKE MILLIONS!
WON'T WE KITTY?
>>MY BOOK IS CALLED, "THE HOW 'HOW TO WRITE A 'HOW TO' BOOK' BOOK"
BY HOWIE BOOKMAN.
>>I'M CONFUSED.
>>AS WILL BE THE THOUSANDS WHO BUY IT.
THEN I'LL PEDDLE HOWIE BOOKMAN'S
"HOW TO READ THE HOW TO
'HOW TO WRITE A HOW TO BOOK' BOOK".
>>NOW THAT'S THE KIND OF THINKING I CAN RESPECT!
>>DIBS ON THE MOVIE RIGHTS.
>>THANKS TO HOWIE, I'LL FINALLY COMPLETE
MY STUFFED ZOO.
[EVIL LAUGH]
OW!
[EVIL LAUGH]
OW!
[EVIL LAUGH]
>>FERDINAND, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR US THIS WEEK?
>>WELL, I'M TORN BETWEEN TWO THINGS:
THIS TAKE-OUT MENU FROM A CHINESE RESTAURANT OR
THIS CHILD'S DRAWING OF A GIRAFFE.
>>OH, A GIRAFFE.
>>THOSE AREN'T EVEN BOOKS.
>>WHY NOT BOTH?
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
>>YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
PEOPLE LOOK TO THE BEST SELLERS LIST TO KNOW
WHAT TO READ AND YOU'RE ABUSING THAT POWER!
>>NOW SON.
>>NO, I'M SORRY BUT YOU CAN'T
JUST POPULARIZE TERRIBLE BOOKS AND MAKE MONEY OFF OF IT.
YOU'LL RUIN THE WORLD OF LITERATURE.
>>OH PLEASE, WE RUINED IT A LONG TIME AGO.
HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN WILDLY SUCCESSFUL,
YET HORRIBLY DEPRESSING BOOKS, LIKE GRAPES OF WRATH?
>>AND ITS TV ADAPTATION, BANANAS IN PAJAMAS.
>>JOIN US JAMES,
OR WE'LL PUT YOUR JOURNAL ON THE NEW YORK TIMES
BEST SELLERS LIST.
>>HOW DID YOU?
FINE.
WELL-PLAYED FATHER.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
SO YOU LIKED THAT DID YOU?
WELL THEN SUBSCRIBE TO THE STUDIO C CHANNEL
[EVIL LAUGH]
DON'T TOUCH IT!
SORRY. YOU WERE SUBSCRIBING.
JUST... AS YOU WERE.