Going into last night's midterms,
almost everyone was expecting a huge night for Republicans,
a red wave that would wash away the Democrats in Congress
and yank off Joe Biden's swim trunks
so everyone could see his old-man butt.
But now the votes are in, and already--
already people are realizing that although there's still
a lot left to count, it's clear that the red wave did not
show up.
REPORTER: This morning, control of Congress
up in the air with both the House and Senate still
hanging in the balance.
Republicans acknowledging the expected red wave
never materialized.
REPORTER: With five races still to call,
it's unclear who will control the Senate.
Control of the House is leaning Republican, but only barely.
Democrats overall are doing much better than expected.
That predicted red wave only appears
to be a splash if you will.
REPORTER: The word wave has no application
yet to what we're seeing.
This might feel more like the edge of a lake.
This really looks much more like a red whisper if that.
This wasn't even a red wave.
It's not even a red little ripple in a pond.
I've heard it called, you know, the red sprinkler.
I've heard it called the red splash, the red puddle.
The red drizzle, the red spritz.
Yeah, you know, when you're peeing,
and then a little bit comes out after you're done,
it's a red one of those.
You should probably go get that checked out, by the way.
And, like, some of these didn't even make sense.
You know?
Like, I'm sorry, but what is a red whisper?
What is that like, ASMR for conservatives?
Is that what that is?
It's just like, (WHISPERING) now I'm crumpling
up the Voting Rights Act.
Oh, yeah.
But, yes, last night was not the red wave that many people
expected it to be.
And to be clear-- to be clear, Republicans
are still in good shape to take control of the House.
And they may even take control of the Senate
when it's all said and done.
Now it's too early-- it's too early to tell because, you
know, America counts its votes as slowly as George
RR Martin writes the books.
But it's definitely not the huge win
that they were expecting.
So it feels like a loss, which is really
strange to me about politics.
You know?
It's the only place where you can technically
win, but still lose because people thought
you were going to win more.
Basically, Republicans got the handjob version of winning.
[laughter]
Yeah, like, it got the job done,
but no one's really happy about it.
[laughter]
You know?
It's like, (IMITATING MCCONNELL) bah,
I could have done this to myself.
Bah.
[applause]
And, again, lots of races are still undecided.
Arizona and Nevada won't be done counting
votes for a few more days.
We won't know who won Alaska's races
until the dog sled arrives.
And the big Senate race in Georgia
looks like it is headed to a runoff in December.
Yeah, which is only going to screw up Herschel Walker's
brain even more, right?
No, think about it.
Like, (IMITATING WALKER) another election,
has it been six years already?
Oh, man, that means I got 35 children now.
What's happening?
Oh, wow.
[applause]
But one big race that was decided last night
was in Pennsylvania, where John Fetterman defeated Dr. Oz.
[cheering]
Which you've got to admit is exciting for the Capitol
because nobody in the Senate looks like this guy.
I mean, huh?
Have you seen this?
He doesn't look like everyone.
He's massive.
He's got the bald head, the goatee,
the hoodie, which is dope.
Normally, Senators look like your dad's boss from work,
you know?
John Fetterman looks like he can physically
raise the debt ceiling.
[grunts] 37 trillion!
[grunts]
And, look, now one of the reasons
so many people were surprised by last night's results
is that for weeks-- for weeks, pundits
have been saying that there are only a few issues that really
matter to Americans right now, like inflation, crime,
and whatever the hell is going on
with the Twitter checkmarks.
And in particular-- in particular,
the experts are saying that voter concerns about abortion
had faded since the summer.
Well, I guess all those experts have been fired
and will never be allowed back on television
because it turns out they were just a little bit wrong.
The issue of abortion turned out to be a massive factor
yesterday, with the Supreme Court's decision in the Dobbs
case to overturn Roe v. Wade playing
a much bigger role than polls before the election suggested.
REPORTER: In California, Michigan, and Vermont,
voters chose to enshrine reproductive rights into
their state's constitutions.
The biggest surprise came in Republican-leaning Kentucky,
where voters rejected an anti-abortion
constitutional amendment.
REPORTER: It was a huge night for abortion
rights across the country.
I mean, women voted in droves.
Yes, well, people said a few weeks ago that it didn't
matter, that it was fading.
It didn't turns out that wasn't right.
Yeah, it turns out abortion rights
didn't fade away as a concern.
And it's crazy that people ever thought it would.
You know?
Like, what women out there would be like, you know,
it really bothered me over the summer
when the state government wanted to take control
of my reproductive system.
But now I'm like, whatever.
Yeah, maybe my body is their choice.
I don't know.
So it looks like abortion rights
was a big winner last night.
And it looks like the big loser last night
was none other than Donald "Jumped the Shark" Trump.
[cheering]
Because so far it looks like many of the candidates
he endorsed ended up being unendorsed by the voters.
Here's what we know for sure this morning.
It was a disappointing night for former President Trump.
REPORTER: The biggest loser last night was Donald Trump.
In state after state, candidates that he brought
to the race, candidates that he endorsed
did not win or are losing right now.
REPORTER: But perhaps the worst result for Trump
is that his biggest Republican rival
had the best night of anybody.
REPORTER: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
might have moved closer to a possible 2024
presidential bid, with a commanding victory over
former Governor Charlie Crist.
That's right.
It was a bad night for Trump and a great night
for his rival, (IMITATING TRUMP)
Ron DeSanctimonious, who absolutely
crushed it in Florida.
I mean, crushed it, like, bath salts crushed it.
And judging by this post on his knockoff Twitter,
Trump is not taking it well.
Yeah, he wrote, (IMITATING TRUMP) shouldn't it
be said that in 2020, I got 1.1 million more votes in Florida
than Ron D got this year, 5.7 million to 4.6 million?
Just asking?
[laughter]
[cheering]
Oh, wow.
You see what you've done, Ron DeSantis?
Huh? You see what you've done?
You made Trump so mad, he's doing math. (IMITATING TRUMP)
4.6 plus 5.7.
[applause]
Even sounding like Shakespeare in that-- (IMITATING
TRUMP) shouldn't it be said--
[laughter]
And hitherto forth--
[laughs] and here's the thing-- here's the thing
that's exciting about this.
DeSantis's success combined with Trump's failures
is already causing chaos in the Republican Party.
Because now Republicans are asking themselves,
oh, what do we do?
Do we stick with Trump, who's screwed up two elections now
but still controls all of the hardcore Republicans
and is also completely toxic with everyone else?
Or do we go with Ron DeSantis, who's
clearly the upgrade of Trump?
But then you risk losing Trump, and then
he burns down the entire GOP.
What do you do?
And it's funny.
It's so funny to watch because all these conservatives,
they don't know what to do.
Right?
They're just like, uh, do I go with Trump or-- oh, oh,
do I go with DeSantis?
Oh, if I had principles, I would follow them.
But I just want to be on the winning side.
Oh, which one do I go with?
Oh.
[applause]
You know, right now conservatives in America
are like kids who can see a bad divorce coming.
And they want to pick sides, but they're
not sure which parent is going to keep the house.
[laughter]
But it's true.
Trump had a tough night.
You know, the poor guy was just at home,
watching his top election deniers lose
and crying into a box of classified
documents. (IMITATING TRUMP) [blowing nose] Nuclear.
[sobbing]
But because this is Donald Trump,
he's not taking responsibility.
In fact, it's being reported that he's blaming Melania
for pushing him to endorse Dr. Oz in the first place,
saying it was, quote, "not her best decision."
Yeah, and I'm sure in response, Melania was like, (IMITATING
MELANIA) yes, it's true.
I'm very bad at picking men.
[laughter]
[cheering]
But not everything about the election
was about Democrats or Republicans.
So let's take a moment to appreciate
all the historic moments from last night.
We want to tell you about several historic firsts
across the country.
In Alabama, Republican Katie Britt, the winner
in the race for US Senate.
She's the first woman ever elected
to the Senate in Alabama.
In Maryland, Democrat Wes Moore will be the state's
first Black governor.
And Massachusetts made history on two fronts.
Democratic Attorney General Maura Healey
will become the first female governor
in the state's history.
And she will also be the nation's
first openly lesbian governor.
Election history was also made in Florida.
25-year-old Democrat Maxwell Frost
is set to be the first member of Generation Z
to win a seat in Congress.
Wow.
[applause]
A 25-year-old Congressman, that's
going to be great to have a young person in Congress.
And by young, I mean under 85.
I mean, it will be tough though.
Will be tough being that young around that many old people.
Half his time is going to be spent helping
them with their phones.
He's going to be in the middle of a speech like,
and that's why my district and the people of it deserve the--
what?
What, Chuck?
No, just swipe up.
Swipe up to close the app.
No, swipe-- no, don't click that.
There are not really hot singles in the area.
It's a trick, Chuck!
It's a trick!
[applause]
And there are a lot of other cool firsts
too-- women firsts, LGBTQ firsts, immigrant firsts.
Honestly, I almost feel bad for anyone who won last night
and wasn't a historic first.
There was probably some straight white guy last night
giving his victory speech like, it's
an honor to be the first governor in state history
who can, uh, uh, do this.
Uh, pretty-- pretty sick, right?
Yeah?
Yeah, no?
Just me?
All right, that's it for the headlines.
But before we go to a break, it's
time to check in on the weather forecast with our very own
Desi Lydic, everybody.
[cheering]
Good to see you again, Desi.
You know, it's getting cold in the East.
There's storms everywhere.
What's the weather looking like?
Weather's great.
Look outside.
What I want to talk about is how
people came out and voted for abortion rights
all over this country.
[cheering]
Big deal, big deal, including my home state of Kentucky.
Yeah!
TREVOR NOAH: That was shocking.
Huge, Kentucky, Trevor, the state where women have
fewer rights than most horses.
[laughter]
It's true.
I mean, in college, I had to get my birth
control from a horse vet.
TREVOR NOAH: Wow, veterinarian, that's terrible, Desi.
Yeah, right?
I mean, they also had ketamine, so it wasn't all bad.
And that year I went on to win the Belmont.
Anyway, also, New York and Massachusetts
elected female governors for the first time.
[cheering]
Yeah, which is a win.
It is a win.
But if we're being honest, like,
how is this only happening now in New York and Massachusetts?
These two states have been states
since the beginning of states.
You know how long women have been around?
Like, at least that long, maybe more.
Oh, and how about that Ron DeSantis victory last
night, huh?
Oh my god, I almost feel bad for Donald Trump, you know?
He had to smile and clap for DeSantis
on the outside when he was fuming
with jealousy on the inside.
Trump finally felt like one of his beauty
pageant contestants.
[laughter]
And perhaps the best news is that the massive red wave only
hit Florida.
Oh, man, and I think all women can agree,
it's always a good thing when your red wave
is lighter than you expected.
[laughter]
[cheering]
I just want to say, I get how Republicans are feeling.
I mean, sometimes you expect your red wave to arrive,
and it doesn't.
And then you start to panic.
You consider your options, which
are suddenly very limited.
Yeah, plus--
[cheering]
Plus, with this runoff in Georgia,
you might not know if your red wave is
coming for another few weeks.
And by then, it might be too late.
The next thing you know, Herschel Walker
is sending you a get well card with a check in it.
TREVOR NOAH: [laughs]
Anyway, I just want to say to all of those Republicans
who are feeling this way, don't stress.
Trust me.
I've got a great veterinarian in Kentucky you can call--
top notch.
Desi Lydic, everybody.