Well,
by my count, that took you long enough!
Me had 200 characters to collect.
You were last on list.
That is just the word “cookie” written out one...
two... three...
Two hundred times!
TWO HUNDRED COOKIES??!
How do we get him to come down, man?
Leave this to me, guys.
I’ve had experience bombing!
Wocka wocka!
No oh!
Oscar, it is!
Wait wait wait - look!
There is a stain on his Achilles’ waste can, OK!
We’ll have to go back in time and find out how he got it.
The only power source capable of generating the 1.21 jigowatts
of electricity we need is a bolt of lightning.
Fortunately, here’s one I prepared earlier.
Oh dear.
It’s working.
We found his weakness!
It’s trash!
How can his weakness be trash?
He lives in trash!
Hey, hey, hey!
What, have I got the word “garbage” written on the side of me or something?
It’s not working!
Gandorf and Statlerman!
What do we do?
Cut to the chase!
Which in this case means...
Release the not-so-secret weapon!
I think that bacon is past its use-by.
Oh, Poolie.
It’s time for my final curtain.
There’s so many people I want to thank.
I don’t want to forget anybody.
Oh, Miss Quinny! No…!
But... I’m running out of time.
So I’ll just limit this to the one great love of my life,
who stayed with me through all the ups and downs
and made me who I am.
Oh, Miss Quinny…
Y-you don’t have to say--
ME, Poolie!
It was always me!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That’s exactly how it happened.
Aw, come on.
Hey! Up or down in front!
Someone always gets up during the crying scene.
Sir, do you need help finding the exit? Because it’s literally everywhere.
Holy Shatner!
So we should start looking at known serial killers, right?
Who do we have? Hannibal, John Doe, Candyman…
that guy in the Edvard Munch mask...
None of the crimes you’re referencing actually happened.
Hela, please be realistic.
This planet is home to the most unspeakably evil villains in all of fiction.
Like me?
I didn’t say that.
Why did you choose to be a detective, Hela?
Well it’s funny you should ask that, Harpy.
I got bitten by the acting bug when I was only a small demigod.
Its venom is fatal to mortals, of course--
She was asking me!
Oh was she?
I- I just assumed the obvious. Carry on.
Lord Vader.
Detective Odinsdaughter.
Do have Hologram on your phone?
That’s four.
Oh come on - that’s at least an eight.
Four brands! Where was he found?
Just floating in space.
Someone must have blown him out of a god-damn airlock.
I must convene the FanficTen at once.
Wall-E,
prepare my shuttle.
Directive!
It’s what’s on the other side that’s really interesting.
I’m sure it is but we’re looking for clues so let’s give the man his dignity.
No, his chest.
OK - I didn’t do this one.
I think it was self-inflicted.
There’s blood under the fingernails of his right hand.
Kirk was a cutter?
It’s usually the quiet ones.
My gods!
He’s tried to leave a message for us before he died!
And the only canvas he had was his own rapidly freezing body.
Struggling artist.
Looks like he didn’t have time to complete it.
What are you talking about? It spells “OW”.
Why would he write “OW”, Thor?
What, have you forgotten the brand on his arse cheek?
“OW” indeed!
Why would he carve it into his own chest and cause himself even more pain???
You can’t impose reason on the actions of man dying from deep-space hypothermia.
I’m surprised he didn’t draw noughts and crosses!
You need to beam this body down to the crime lab immediately.
No. We’ll bring him down manually.
We can’t atomize this man for convenience’s sake.
I understand the gravity of the situation,
but he was the captain of the USS Enterprise.
And he deserves to be treated like--
Smeg!
The g-unit’s blown again!
I swear I fixed it.
GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!
This does not go with my look!
- GERMS!! - We’re not actually here.
Oh yeah.
It’s a good thing I’m in a hurry,
cos this place is “wait-less”.
I wish I could help, but it looks like the tomb was an anonymous entry.
Ego would tell you himself but as you can see,
he’s in the middle of a session and can’t be disturbed.
I can tell you that it was only built about a month ago,
but designed to appear older, as is the style.
A month old?
For a corpse that’s been dead eight years?
What the hell is going on?
How does it work?
I’ve never submitted a design before.
Oh, it’s simple.
You just come to one of our self-serve brain-scanners,
based on Wizarding World Pensieve technology,
imagine your design in as much detail as possible
and Ego will do the rest,
when the next slot opens up.
Inputting your name for attribution is optional.
When I built my station I had to register my name.
So the designer must be in the system.
Naturally.
But we’ve had thousands of registrations since opening.
Well get me a list of every user who registered during the time the tomb was submitted.
Certainly.
But you’d have to assume it was their first design in eight years.
Highly unlikely.
I gotta get back home.
Anyone headed to Superburbia?
Not me.
I think they just found number 5.
I’m not building a mile-high statue of Thor.
That was a weird thing for him to suddenly blurt out.
So where’s the body?
Um... You’re standing on it.
Oh!
OK, maybe say that up-front next time.
Looks like he came here for a miniature picnic.
How do you know he’s dead and not just taking a micro-nap?
Because I was down there. That’s how I found him.
He’s been stabbed in the back.
How were you down there?
I found this bottle that said “drink me” and when I drank it
I shrank to the size of an insect.
What, you drink anything someone tells you to drink?
How old are you?
Whatever you do, don’t go to that cliff over there.
Assuming he was regular size when he was killed,
this wound matches Hunt’s.
The FanficTen must be told!
We should send a raven at once.
Owls are faster.
We have phones, guys.
Oh… right.
I keep forgetting about the phones.
Oh. How did it get scratched?
I remember this little man.
He leapt into Oscar’s mouth to save us from the Arena.
We owe him our very freedom.
He deserved better than this.
At least this’ll be one body we can easily transport.
We don’t have time to transport bodies -
the killer’s at large!
GET ME OUT OF THIS BIG DEAD MOUTH!!!
Oh, I’m not familiar with that brand of footwear.
Do they specialise in plus-size--
Wait!
“Brand”?
It’s the brand!
Burned into his very sole!
I see it!
Ironically, I think body number 6 is taking us further down the rabbit hole.
Oh you don’t want to go down there.
Sparky, what are you doing??
No-powers penalty.
In the box. Penalty shot for the reds.
It’s OK, Chimi!
You got this!
I think Lauper has eyes for Chimi.
Among other body parts.
Oh, I’m sorry about that.
His heart’s in the right place.
At least for now.
His gesture was a little...
Disarming?
I guess that’s something we’d be hypocrites not to encourage -
the freedom to like who you like without having your future written for you.
Well you and Quill were written for each other.
Well, maybe they got some things right.
But it was still our choice.
Of course.
Please. I know what people want to ask.
How do you know you’re not just reacting to the false memories you’ve been given?
I don’t know.
I just know I’m happy.
I don’t question it.
Mr. Wilson?
Miss Mantis!
HI! Uh-huh-hey!
Did you get my letter?
I didn’t receive a call from you.
Letter?
Call from you?
Oh my god - it’s happening!
I gave a letter to Motley to give to you.
About the fight she started?
Oh!
A letter about Motley!
Uh, no, I--
Wait.
Motley started a fight?
U-um...
One second.
Hey honey, I’m just… by myself here.
How’d the tomb raid go?
Not so great. I’m on my way back.
Batman’s giving me a ride.
Oh I guess dreams do come true.
You should turn on the news.
I’m at a hockey game - how am I supposed to--
Oh. Never mind.
Five dead.
One in a state of critical disassembly.
Join me at 6 o’clock for the full report,
or you too could die!
Someone pulled the plug on Charles Xavier!
Wasn’t aware he was on life support.
He wasn’t. He jacked into the Faketrix.
He couldn’t just go in the shower?
No - he plugged into the Faketrix.
He was surgically fitted with a headjack about a month ago.
Disgusting!
That hole goes into his brain??
Yes. And I resent your Faketrix-phobic attitude.
He was more himself after the procedure than he ever was before.
Really. How’s that?
In the Faketrix he could walk.
And with a mind like his,
one day he could have flown.
The thing is - you can’t self-insert.
An operator is always required to sit here and press Return/Enter.
Was anyone here when you arrived?
No - just him.
So the killer could have been this operator.
Which means it’s someone he trusted.
Who was his main contact in the Faketrix?
The following is a paid presentation from the Faketrix.
Forget nautilus!
It’s time to Morpheus!
Just as dying in the Faketrix kills you in the real world,
exercising in the Faketrix burns real calories!
Take the red pill
and join our 10-week training program,
after which, you’ll be able to dodge bullets,
stop bullets,
fight one-handed,
fight bullets one-handed
Go to hell, bullets!
fly,
and in one specific circumstance,
jump into your enemy’s body and make them explode!
It’s excellent!
These skills will not translate to reality.
I see.
And Xavier was on week 3?
He was already my top student.
We called him Professor X-treme.
You’ll have to describe the scene to us.
I don’t know what I’m looking at here.
What are you talking about?
There’s the body and there’s Morpheus there!
Where’s he going?
He’s fleeing the scene!
No he isn’t - he’s standing still.
We’re Faketrix code illiterate, OK?
Just please tell us what you see.
It’s the same jump he’s made a dozen times before.
Someone must have disconnected him mid-leap.
And to think -
he could have been The One.
I thought I was The One.
There can be more than one One.
There's no question.
These murders are all connected
and show no signs of stopping.
We have to regenerate them!
Oscar’s Orblet is just sitting in that Vault.
Let's use it and be done with this!
Regeneration is outlawed.
By our edict, may I remind you?
That law forbids the undoing of natural death.
These murders are anything but natural.
Undoing them may be the only way to prevent further loss of life.
How close is the investigation to uncovering the killer's identity?
I think those two would have a hard time uncovering a plate of sandwiches.
We’re lost, aren’t we?
The call said the body’s around here somewhere.
This place gives me the creeps, the willies and the heebie-jeebies.
I find it quite soothing.
So. Why did you want to become a detective?
Oh now you care?
Exactly. That’s why I never asked before.
It’s because of you, actually.
The day you were born our father suddenly developed conqueror’s guilt
and banished me for victories that he now considered war crimes.
He changed the rules.
I’m in this position of authority to make sure the rules don’t change.
The rules didn’t change.
People just woke up to what was always right and always wrong.
Banishment can be a valuable learning experience.
But aren’t you forgetting that none of that actually happened?
Yes, well it still informs my sense of justice.
Oh, hi there.
Where’s the body?
I find him completely unconvincing.
Unlucky number seven.
What kind of monster would kill a schoolgirl?
Even one imbued with the power of the moon.
I’ve got two sets of muddy footprints that don’t match hers.
Has anyone else been through here?
Not that we saw.
You’re thinking it’s more than one killer?
I don’t know.
The tracks just…
end.
What was she doing in the Uncanny Valley?
It’s where all the cool kids hang out.
Old man, how you do you know where any kids hang out -
lame or cool?
I’m seven.
But I look a lot older.
Who let this 7-year-old into a murder site?
Cover your eyes, child!
Guys!
The FanficTen are about to go live!
You’ve probably heard the rumours by now.
Some of you may even have been present at one of the scenes in question.
It’s time now to lay out the facts.
So far we have seven victims of murder:
Ethan Hunt,
Alita Battle Angel,
the original Captain James T. Kirk,
Scott Lang AKA Ant-Man,
the original Professor Charles Xavier,
Sailor Moon
and George Clooney Batman.
Most of the murders appear to be have been committed within the last few days
and there is strong evidence to suggest this is the work
of a single perpetrator with intent to kill again.
Let it be clear:
these deaths were untimely, unnatural,
and against everything Fanfictasia stands for.
It is for these reasons,
after much deliberation,
that we have decided to regenerate the victims,
learn the truth
and bring this monstrous killer to swift and resounding justice.
They can’t do that.
They can’t change the rules!
Wait…
Where are you going?
They didn’t mention the burned bones.
Mum, does that mean they’re going into the Vault?
Can we go there?
No, Motley - sit down and finish your chimichanga!
It’s not fair!
Everyone place your hand into one of the ten readers.
When the door opens, I alone will enter the Vault, retrieve the Orblet
and return here so we can seal the door once again.
Stop! In the name of the law!
I’m sorry - I tried to talk her out of it!
Detective, you have no authority here.
This world was built on a firm set of rules.
If we break those rules, this world will fall!
The only threat to this world
is about to be extinguished.
What if this is exactly what the killer wants you to do?
Enough! Show of hands!
Right where we left you.
What in the name of me just happened?
Oh no.
Nooo.
Where is it? Where’s the Orblet???
Thor.
Lock this place down.
One of these ten characters...
is a killer.
I think most of us are killers.
Although I’m the only one actually licensed.
I mean, one of you is the killer we’ve been chasing!
Oh.
Oh my.
Thank you so much for watching me in this video.
ArtSpear promised me cookie for every new subscriber.
Please subscribe.
And remember:
ArtSpear is only one...
two people.
The two muppets up there.
Except nobody’s hand is up their a--
As a result, these videos take a long time to stitch together.
So they really appreciate your patience and your support.
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[RALPH] Hey, Vanellope? Remember when we broke the internet?
[VANELLOPE] You broke the internet, Ralph!
I was merely an accessory.
[RALPH] Yeah, well... You think this video could do that?
[VANELLOPE] Not a chance.
[RALPH] Not even trending?
[VANELLOPE] Ralph, I’m not gonna sugar-coat this.
This video couldn’t break a fingernail.
[RALPH] Aw, man.
Well in that case...
I’m gonna wreck it!
Ralph!