Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
Directed by Freddie Francis and with a story by Peter Bryan and John Gilling,
1970’s Trog is one of those film’s where you know the people involved can do better.
But it’s most famous as the final film in the 45 year career of Joan Crawford.
‘Something from another age inspector?’
In a curiously well lit cave...
'I can't see everything with this torch but I can looks terrific.'
a group of amateur cavers explore an underground stream and…
One is killed, another injured,
'We got to get out of here. He's dead!'
and the third man rushes his wounded friend to the nearest anthropologist,
‘Horrible, horrible,’
Uncalled for. She comes to a remarkable conclusion about the creature,
‘Yet whatever it is, it must exist’
Not exactly sticking your neck out.
Crawford’s Dr Brockton goes back to have proper look.
There’s only one conclusion,
‘Trog – a primitive cave dweller’
But first, let’s meet the bad guy,
‘Damned outrage. Trash spectacle, cheap publicity’
When you have a character completely lacking in nuance,
‘These shenanigans make a fool of all of us citizens’
and as a subtle as a brick.
‘It’s a monster that’s what it is’
That’s when you call Michael Gough.
‘Poppycock. Insane nonsense’
To his credit, Gough is doing all you can with a character who is just there to be the reactionary,
‘This is a monster, it must be destroyed’
Sexist,
‘I wouldn’t think that you’d fancy, knuckling under to a woman’
Anti-everything,
‘Not the way I see it’
Generic bad guy,
‘I’d like you to tell the public that this whole abomination is hurting business,
It’s ruining my plans for a housing project’
If you can’t crowbar Hitler into your B Movie then a property developer is the next best thing,
‘Nobody wants to buy land with an ugly demon running loose’
Although he could equally be mayor,
‘If you refuse to do your clear duty, which is to get rid of this monster, I shall call a town meeting’
Religious leader,
‘That’s the talk of a heathen’
or possibly media baron,
‘Mr Murdoch’
Who he is is never addressed and doesn’t matter, he’s everything you hate.
‘Kill it first, then study its hide’
Crawford now captures Trog.
I loved you in Mildred Pierce.
And now we can more clearly see how a pretty decent mask, borrowed from 2001,
is completely undermined by the total lack of effort on the rest of his body.
‘But he doesn’t frighten me a bit’
The chance to study the missing link isn’t one Dr Brockton is going to waste,
and she swiftly finds out,
his favourite toys,
'That's wonderful Trog.'
how he prefers to accessorise.
Makes sense that he dislikes modern music but, everything he’s taught detracts from what he is.
‘Trog can help us piece together the history of man’s behaviour’
If you wanted to study lions, you wouldn’t start with ones in the circus,
or you’d conclude their natural behaviour is to jump through hoops,
‘It’s my firm belief that Trog is the missing link’
All of Dr Brocton’s justifications for keeping a creature that has killed once already,
are undermined by what she actually does, until, as if suddenly aware of it,
she goes too far the other way,
and goes all Clockwork Orange on Trog,
planting electrodes in his head and showing him pictures of dinosaur skeletons
until he has a flashback to the film Animal World,
animation by Willis O’Brien and Ray Harryhausen.
And then,
‘Trog will be able to talk’
Things get silly,
‘Unbelievable’
Yes. One hundred percent.
‘He will soon be able to articulate his memories and then the world will learn the baffling secrets of evolution’
Yes, because back when Trog was alive you could see evolution in action,
‘They’ll say that Trog has a very nasty temper. But what can you expect from a slimey beast.'
Inevitably, thanks to Michael bad guy Gough, Trog escapes and goes on a short rampage,
destroying what must be a very dangerous car,
and re-enacting a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
And so on. Trog has a reputation as a really bad film, and it is,
but it’s mostly bad because it fails to reach for anything,
‘Can you come up with a better explanation’
Everything pans out as you expect, there’s a not a single surprise,
with the possible exception of the ‘let’s make him talk’ plotline, but that goes nowhere.
‘Wa- ter’
If it weren’t for Michael Gough occasionally yelling from the background,
‘Don’t listen to any crackpots inspector, you know your duty’
I’d have fallen asleep.
'TROG!!!'
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Michael Gough does a good reactionary bad guy, who are your favourite bad guys who are just there to be bad.
Let us know in the comments below.
'Leave me alone'