[MUSIC]
So I had a pretty unique situation growing up.
My parents were very young when they had my sister and I,
and I grew up in a very close family, and because of that,
I was sort of raised by, like, all of my family members.
I grew up living with my grandparents for a very long time.
I lived with my aunt and uncle through like [LAUGH] my difficult years. Bless their hearts.
I also lived with my dad briefly,
and throughout those times, I also went back and forth living with my mom, as well.
So when it was time for me to come out to my parents as trans,
instead of having two parents, I kind of had seven.
and it was equally stressful and, like, impactful and important to tell all of them, you know, and to have them react favorably.
When I first came out, it was actually kind of an accident.
And I've told this story a few times on my channel. I was basically just in the car with my mom,
and casually brought up the fact that trans people existed,
and that I had been watching guys on YouTube transitioning to male and taking testosterone and stuff.
And she, without missing a beat, just sort of instantly said, "OK, cool. Is that what you want to do?"
And I was like, "...Yeah." [LAUGH]
So that's how that started. I mean, I honestly wasn't planning on coming out to her anytime soon,
but I am so glad that I did, because she was amazingly supportive.
We lived on a ranch out in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma,
and every week, she would drive me an hour away to Tulsa, Oklahoma,
and attend a transgender support group with me at the Equality Center there.
I mean, she did this every week, while she was working a full time job at the ranch, and dealing with her medical issues.
She helped me find the resources to transition, took me to all my appointments to get on testosterone,
so, I mean, there is no way that I could have possibly felt more supported by my mother.
But then, I had the rest of my parental figures to come out to, and those were all on my dad's side of the family,
who whenever I talk about growing up in a very religious family,
those are the people that I'm talking about.
Those are the ones that took me to church,
and made sure that I lived according to the Bible, and all that good stuff.
So, I was very scared to tell them, and that's the reason that I had planned on not coming out until I had moved away for college.
I just never thought that any of them would accept me.
But I ended up going to stay with my aunt and uncle for a week,
'cause I was currently living in Oklahoma at that time, and they lived in Arkansas.
We had family visiting from Iowa, so I just went to join the party,
and during that time, I kind of just made the rounds and came out to everyone on my dad's side of the family.
It was terrifying. I made a point to come out to everyone, like, one-on-one,
because, like, a group coming-out setting is not...not what you want to do. [LAUGH]
The first person that I came out to was my aunt from Iowa
because we were having a conversation about me liking girls,
which was, like, a new concept that everyone was already trying to adjust to
and then I just sort of threw this one on them.
And she was really chill.
And, I'll be completely honest with you guys, this was at a time in my life where...
I mean, I was obviously going through some shit, and I was trying to self-medicate,
and throughout most of this portion of my life, I was either drunk or high on something,
so I really, honestly, don't remember all of these conversations.
Once I was out as transgender and more comfortable with myself,
I really didn't feel the need to numb myself with those substances,
and, y'know, I'm a little ashamed to say that on here,
to say that I don't remember coming out to most of my family 'cause I was fucked up,
But that's the reality of it. I mean it's really...hard to handle.
And that's what I did, and I don't recommend that,
but there's some chunks missing here and there, and that's why.
I think the next person I came out to was my stepmom.
And I explained to her that I was trans, and what that meant,
and asked her to not tell my dad 'cause I would like to come out to him in person.
Fun fact: she did tell my dad, so, thanks Kara.
And that went okay, I mean she just didn't...
She was just like, "...That's...interesting." [LAUGH] Y'know?
She didn't have much of a reaction to it, so...
Y'know, it's not like she freaked out and yelled at me.
Next person I came out to was my aunt .
And this was my aunt that I grew up living with.
I've been so close with her all growing up. She's like my second mom.
And her and my uncle took me in and took care of me and raised me for so many years.
Her opinion was one I was nervous about.
'Cause she is very traditional. Old-fashioned. Religious.
I knew that she was probably going to be one of the most difficult people to come out to.
And she was. [LAUGH]
When I told her that I wanted to transition...
She cried, she asked me not to,
she made it into a big scene, I was very uncomfortable, I didn't know what to say.
I was just like, "I'm sorry."
And she's the only person in the family who sort of reacted
in kind of a...hateful way.
And she was never...overtly, like blatantly mean about it.
I don't know, you can just tell when someone's not comfortable with it.
And there was definitely a while there where she didn't try to hide it at all. I mean,
she was the last to get on board with the pronouns, last to call me Ty,
and even when she did, it was like, she would make a point to talk about me in the past, and make sure she was, like,
using female pronouns, and always, like, reiterating the fact that I "used to be a girl"
and "I mean, it's okay to talk about", cause that's how I "was back then, right?"
Like, "That's who you were. So, I'm talking about the past, so I can say "she",
And I was like, "...I mean yeah, technically."
[LAUGH] If we have to bring that up every conversation.
So that was like...that one was hard.
'Cause there was one point where I walked in on a conversation she was having with my uncle
where he was basically...I mean, telling her that she needed to accept me for who I was
and, like, she couldn't keep using the wrong pronouns and couldn't keep calling me by my old name.
And my uncle is a very old-fashioned, religious man.
So, for him to be the one telling her that...it was surprising to me.
And that was sort of the hardest one to handle.
And there'd be times where, like, she would avoid using pronouns and stuff because she didn't want to say "he".
Like, if she was in front of people that she knew weren't on board with me being trans.
It...I don't know. It was just like...
She made a point to make it as difficult as possible
without just outright saying, "No, I don't accept you".
It was very passive-aggressive, and I think that's what I don't like
'cause I would have just rather her been like, "I don't accept you as a guy, and that's that."
I mean, that...I don't know, guys.
That really did make things hard for me, because,
like I said, we were so close growing up,
I just sort of felt like she was ashamed of me, like with other people.
[EXHALE] Yeah. Okay. [LAUGH]
So that was hard for a while
And I really distanced myself from them, which, I hated having to do that, but
I couldn't be around that and just feel bad about myself all the time.
But, eventually, once I was on testosterone, she came around.
And now she uses male pronouns with me, she calls me "bud", calls me her nephew...
I really think that it was me distancing myself from her
that showed her that, y'know, she could be in my life and support me, or not.
And I hated that, so much.
[EXHALE] But things are good now.
Next person on the list that I came out to was my dad.
Oh wait, before...and...
After I came out to my mom, I came out to my sister. Like right after that.
And my sister was always super chill and extremely supportive from the very beginning.
Okay, then I started coming out to people on my dad's family,
last person I talked about was my aunt, so next, after my aunt,
I came out to my dad.
And I was really scared to come out to him.
And, basically, we were on this long drive home.
And he had picked me up, and I had decided that during this drive, I would tell him
because I was already out to a lot of people in my friend group
and I was already going to the transgender meetings...
I mean, it was kind of past due. [LAUGH]
I was really nervous. Y'know, the last thing I want is my dad to be disappointed in me or something.
But, I mean luckily, I really didn't even have to come out to him that much
'cause my stepmom already did most of the heavy lifting for me. [LAUGH]
I did have to explain to him, y'know everything--
how transitioning actually works.
The way that he reacted was sort of like: he accepted it, but he didn't support it.
He made it sound like it was something that my mom and I were just doing.
He was like, y'know, "That's between you and your mom and if you're gonna do that, then that's okay, but I'm not gonna..."
I don't know, he...
It didn't really matter that much, y'know, I would have liked for him to be on board with it, but at that point
I didn't live with him, I didn't really ever see him anyways,
So I was like, "Okay."
And that's sort of how it was for a while with my dad.
I remember a couple months later, I had asked him to attend a Parents Night at the trans support group with me
and he didn't answer me. [LAUGH]
Next interaction I had with him after that was quite a few months later.
I told him I was raising money for my top surgery and asked if, instead of getting me a car,
he would just match the money that I raised so that I could get the surgery.
He said no. He didn't support me having surgery 'cause...
He didn't want me to change the body God gave me, or something like that.
Can't argue with that! [LAUGH]
And I just sort of tried to avoid that whole situation with him after that--I mean, what can you do?
I did see him at Christmas
and he wrote my name as Ty on the gifts that he got me, which was very nice
and he got me, like, some cologne and some shirts from the men's section of some nice stores, and it was really cool,
but during that whole time, he was also still calling me by my old name and using female pronouns
so it was very confusing. [LAUGH]
But I could recognize that he was at least trying and that meant a lot to me.
Y'know, growing up, I didn't really see my dad a whole lot.
I lived with him for, like...a year?
And other than that, it was, like, y'know, holidays and special occasions, that kind of stuff.
I mean, he always still, like, supported us and did stuff for us, it was just...
There just wasn't, like, a whole lot of face time.
So he didn't really know me that well as a person,
even though all growing up,
for, y'know, all--my birthday and Christmas and stuff,
he always got me, like--
"boy" toys, y'know?
Remote control car. A gun. A bow and arrow. A snowboard. Just to name a few.
So I don't...
I had trouble understanding why it was seeming to be this very new concept to him that I could be a guy,
because I just always grew up being such a tomboy whenever my sister was the exact opposite,
And I feel like most people in my family were like, "Yeah, it was totally obvious, like--" [LAUGH] "No doubt."
Once I had started testosterone and I looked more cis-passing, as a dude,
my voice was deeper and I was getting some facial hair,
I, um...I moved back to my hometown at some point in there,
and started working for him at the body shop that he owns.
And during that time, is when we really, I think, got to know each other better
and just talk and realize how alike we are,
and just like really, finally, have that, I don't know, father-son bonding time.
And there's just been a huge flip.
I mean it is like the poles have reversed on the Earth or something. [LAUGH]
Because he is... I don't know, he's so supportive now!
To the point where, he got in a fight with one of his friends at the gym for like,
misreading a text and saying my old name in a way that was just--
I don't know, there was just this weird situation, my dad got very defensive.
And he's like, "That's my son, and you can fuck off--"
And I was like "Okay! Okay, Dad!" [LAUGH]
But, no, now he calls me his son, and bubba, and he works out with me,
and he just couldn't be more cool with it.
I think it really just, we had to have that time together where he could see that I really was a guy
and that this is how things were supposed to be.
So I'm not mad about the way that he acted initially.
Really, we just hadn't seen each other since I was in middle school so he probably still had this image in his head of, like,
me being this little thirteen-year-old girl and there was no way that he could process the fact that
I was now suposed to be a seventeen-year-old dude.
So really, no hard feelings there.
I'm just so glad that he's come so far and is now...
I mean, so fuckin' supportive.
I can tell that he really does see me as a dude now, and that means a lot to me.
Okay, the last people that I had to come out to...
was my grandparents.
And I was...they were the very last for a reason. [LAUGH]
'Cause I was scared.
They both voted for Trump, just to put that into perspective for you.
So I was extremely nervous to talk to them.
I didn't know if I could even do it, I was just like, "Uh, can someone else tell them for me?" [LAUGH]
I actually asked my sister to talk to them for me and just tell them what was going on.
I think she did, but she didn't tell me that she did, so I was just like, "Okay, I guess I will."
And I called my grandma on the phone.
And um...I just sort of broke down and I felt, like, really guilty about it,
and I was like, "I'm sorry, but I just...I feel like I'm a guy and I'm gonna transition--"
and, y'know, I just told her the whole story.
And she was just like, "Well, that's okay. We've known since you were just a little kid that you just weren't...how you were."
Y'know, something along the lines of, just, being a very supportive, loving grandmother.
And it was just this huge weight off of my shoulders because...
Oh God, I thought they were gonna disown me. I really did, I thought I was never gonna hear the end of, like,
what I was doing wrong.
But they were, like, from the beginning, some of the most supportive members of my family.
Like, my grandparents were the only members of my dad's side of the family that, from day one,
were just, like, totally on board with it, with me.
And my birthday was soon after that, like right after I came out to them. I was totally pre-T,
I was very early in my transition, everyone was still getting used to calling my Tyler.
They drove out to where we lived in Oklahoma for my birthday and took me out to dinner,
they used the right pronouns the whole time, they got me a card that said, "Happy Birthday, Grandson!",
And it just like...
Not gonna cry twice in one video, motherfucker. [LAUGH]
It just really meant a lot to me.
And I was just so shocked that the oldest generation of my family were the most supportive ones.
And that's just sort of how they've been ever since, they've been completely supportive,
I mean, they've just treated me like a grandson, and from the way they talk, I know that they are...
They truly mean it, they really understand it and get it.
And that is just...so cool to me.
So, y'know, coming out to my family...was scary.
Um, just because I have a close relationship with like every member of my family.
My family is so great to me. Like, they've just...I love them so much.
It was very--that's why it was very stressful for me, because I'm just so close with all of them,
and I grew up, essentially with all of them. It's not like you just see them on the holidays.
I lived with my grandparents, I lived with my aunt and uncle, I lived with my dad, I lived with my mom, obviously,
Like I said in the beginning, it was like coming out to seven different parents instead of just two.
And there was a couple--y'know, my dad and my aunt were the hardest, but even they eventually saw that everyone was on board with it,
saw me on testosterone, and it finally clicked for them,
and now in present day, they're both extremely supportive, everyone in my family is extremely supportive,
call me by the right pronouns, y'know, they see it, they all get it.
I was never kicked out, I was never disowned.
So that's sort of my experience with coming out to my family and how they reacted.
Again, I just want to reiterate that I love my family very much,
and I'm very thankful that they have sort of stood by me through this and supported me,
despite the judgement that they probably get from the people in this town,
despite having to learn these completely new concepts and accept things that were totally foreign to them before.
It's...it means a lot to me. I have a great support system, and I'm gonna miss them a lot while I travel.
Even though I'm extremely introverted and I don't see them very much.
They do...they're great.
So that's my story. Thank you guys for watching.
I hope you like this video. I hope you have a great day, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
[MUSIC]