- So I have been reading this fascinating book
called "The Upside of Your Dark Side."
Two pioneering researchers in the field of psychology
show that, while mindfulness, kindness,
and positivity can take us far,
they cannot take us all the way.
In fact, Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener
argue that psychological health
means wholeness rather than happiness,
and the two highlight the essential role
played by our negative emotions.
I think this book is great,
'cause I've been very vocal about how I'm fed up
with the happiness hype in popular psychology,
and you know that I love
confirmation bias backed by science.
So here we go, three science-backed reasons
that trying to be happy
is actually fucking up your life and making you stupid.
One, happy people are less persuasive.
So according to Kashdan and Biswas-Diener,
happy people tend to focus on the bigger picture
at the expense of tiny details.
As a result, their arguments are less nuanced and concrete.
In fact, your happiness can interfere
with your performance and accuracy.
Several studies were performed
asking happy and unhappy people
to create arguments about issues
from the allocation of tax dollars...
- ...community, everyone benefits!
- [Anna] ...to the existence of soulmates.
- And then what, your soulmate dies
and then you're alone forever
and then you just have to die alone?
Really? Is that fair?
- And in all of the studies,
unhappy people's reasoning was judged
as 25% more convincing than the happy participants'.
So my grumpy attitude
not only gives me a stellar sense of humor,
but I can convince everyone else to be grumpy as well.
Two, happy people are more easily deceived
and likely to recall false facts.
So in one study, participants were asked to identify
who was a liar and who was honest
in a series of videotapes.
The tapes showed people
denying that they had stolen something,
and about half of them were telling the truth.
Happy people identified liars only 49% of the time,
whereas unhappy people detected 62% of the frauds.
So if not being able to have a stronger bullshit detector
is a good enough reason for you,
also consider that in other experiments,
people had to recall facts or words
that they'd been presented with before.
The happiest among these people
were the most prone to recall items
they'd never even been shown.
So, so far, happy people are less persuasive
and more gullible.
I now understand why the best lawyers are miserable.
And finally, people who focus on achieving happiness
often get less joy out of pleasurable experiences
that are supposed to create happiness.
In one experiment, people were divided into different groups
prior to listening to Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring."
One group was asked
to rate their happiness level while listening,
and to try to willfully
increase their pleasure from listening
and estimate how well that worked.
The other group was told just to listen.
Who ended up being happier?
Those who only listened, enjoying "Rite of Spring"
7.5 times as much as those who were instructed
to try to be happy and to evaluate their happiness.
So, striving to be happy can make you unhappy.
And the researchers argue
that this pursuit of happiness over all else
is inherently self-centered,
and that this focus on your own happiness
could actually distract you from other people's needs,
thus diminishing your relationships.
So for instance,
you might constantly avoid a friend who is troubled
because you really don't want
their negative vibes to affect you.
But this friend will eventually see your avoidance
as a lack of attunement,
and the longer that this continues,
the more likely that friendship will end.
Plus, mind-blowing fact, research indicates
people who value the pursuit of happiness
actually feel lonelier than other people.
And paradoxically, relationships are like
the highest factors for happiness.
Friendships, romance, family,
these are the sources of our happiness.
But happiness consciousness
often puts valuing happiness itself over relationships.
Thus, they are lonely.
So there you have it,
three reasons to be justified in your grumpy ways,
and to view your unhappiness not as some kind of defect,
but a necessary discernment to be a more persuasive,
less gullible, more present, and more attuned human being.
I'm Supremely Unhappy,
and thank you to the Patreons who supported today's video,
and thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode.
BetterHelp's mission is to provide
anyone facing life's challenges
with easy, discreet, professional,
convenient, and affordable access
to professional counseling from a licensed therapist.
So you fill out a brief questionnaire
about your history and what you'd like to work on,
and then you are matched with a therapist.
All 11,000+ counselors on BetterHelp, with no exceptions,
are licensed, trained, experienced,
and accredited psychologists,
marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers,
or licensed professional counselors.
Scheduling is super easy and flexible,
and you pay one low flat fee
for unlimited messaging and one weekly session.
Which is great, 'cause you know,
traditionally therapists can run $150 to $200 per session.
You can go to betterhelp.com/akana to sign up today
and get 10% off your first month.
That's betterhelp.com/akana.