The police.
If you're black, you know them as the guys who pull you over.
If you're white, you know them as the guys
that give lap dances at the bachelorette parties.
For three weeks since the killing of George Floyd,
millions of people around the country
have been calling for the police to be reined in.
And after weeks of local leaders responding to the protests,
today the president himself
carefully shuffled down the ramp into the fray.
Now, Trump's orders today were a little confusing,
because he signed an executive order
that would make modest changes.
For instance, it would introduce a database
that would track police misconduct.
But then there was also a new thing
that would encourage police departments
not to use choke holds, saying that the choke holds
should not be used unless an officer
felt like his life was in danger.
Which means the thing can be used,
but it can't be used.
But it can be used.
And also, when Trump came out to make these remarks...
(clicks tongue) it just felt like his heart wasn't in it.
Americans believe we must support
the brave men and women in blue
who police our streets and keep us safe.
Americans know the truth:
without police there is chaos.
Without law there is anarchy,
and without safety there is catastrophe.
Americans want law and order.
They demand law and order.
They may not say it.
They may not be talking about it,
but that's what they want.
Some of 'em don't even know that's what they want,
but that's what they want.
We will have reform
without undermining our many great
and extremely talented
law enforcement officers.
President Obama and Vice President Biden
never even tried to fix this
during their eight-year period.
You know, Donald Trump is always constantly downplaying
the number of bad cops.
But, I mean, if bad cops was a minor problem,
you wouldn't have huge protests in every city.
You'd just be able to point at the bad cop and be like,
"Hey, Gary, cut that shit out."
So Trump signed an executive order that's supposed
to cut down on police violence,
but he spent the whole time praising the police. Yeah.
The only paper Trump has signed with less enthusiasm
were his first two marriage certificates.
And Trump's executive order clearly doesn't have much teeth,
but some places are taking steps
that really could make a difference.
New York has just disbanded a 600-member undercover unit
with a long history of abuse.
And San Francisco and Albuquerque are now saying
that soon, when some residents call 911,
they won't get the police at all.
Instead, calls for situations involving drug overdoses,
the homeless and people in mental distress
will be answered by an unarmed professional
who is trained in those fields.
And, I mean, I think we can all agree
that this is long overdue in America.
Police in America do too much.
So if you can avoid bringing armed police to these situations
in the first place, that should be the goal.
Because wherever a gun is present,
it means that there's a chance the gun is gonna go off.
Right? If there's a gun in a club and a fight breaks out,
there's a chance that a gun is gonna go off in the club.
If kids are playing and there's a gun around,
there's a chance that that gun is gonna go off around the kids.
If there's a couple fighting and there's a gun around,
there's a chance that that gun is gonna go off.
Having a gun gives every tense situation
the potential to end in death.
I mean, think of the last time you played Monopoly.
Now imagine that there was a gun there.
Yeah, it was gonna turn into a Tarantino movie,
that's what would've happened.
And I know this seems like a radical idea to some people.
You know? Some of you are like, "What do you mean,
you're not gonna send the cops? What do you mean?"
But if you think about it,
it's the same thing we did with Ghostbusters over 30 years ago.
Yeah. Think about it.
They used to send cops out when the ghosts showed up.
And then, at some point, they realized the cops
were not the right people to deal with the ghost issue,
so they created the Ghostbusters.
They didn't have guns. They had ghost vacuum cleaners.
It worked way better and it was also funnier.
In fact, maybe more people would get on board with this idea
if we just made up a cool name for the social workers
that we send out. You know?
Who you gonna call? Systemic Societal Issue Busters!
Well, that's our show for tonight.
But before we go, I just wanted to remind you
that The Daily Show and Comedy Central
have been donating to three groups who are fighting
against police brutality and systemic racism.
The NAACP Legal Defense Fund,
the Equal Justice Initiative
and the Bail Project.
Now, if you want to join in and you have the means,
then please go to the following link
and donate whatever you can.